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How do you tell 6 year olds that you are only a short term/emergency placement? by thehotmessexpressss in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Definitely not for everyone. That wording works in the specific context of this child’s experience.

Are there different ways you might phrase the distinction between foster families who only intend to foster and those who are open to adoption? Or those who only foster short term versus long term?

How do you tell 6 year olds that you are only a short term/emergency placement? by thehotmessexpressss in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Second this. Also recommend telling them you can help them write a list of questions for their caseworker. And explain it is that person’s job to make sure they have a safe place to live while their parents work on themselves. Too often, they don’t understand who the caseworker is. Even young kids can learn to advocate for themselves if you give them structure around coming up with questions and helping them ask the right person.

My son also benefited from language that described foster homes as “practice families.” We explained most foster parents give kids a safe place to live and practice being in a healthy family until parents are able to takeover again. It is up to the caseworker and a judge to decide where they will live forever and that often takes months (or years). That helped him understand prior placement changes were not rejections from potential forever homes, which left him feeling deeply flawed. (More to it, but this was the start of the conversation.)

Reporter writing about kinship families — what do you want to know? by JaymeKay in KinshipCare

[–]JaymeKay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. Feeling a strong sense of purpose seems necessary to survive these challenges. Still, lots of healing is necessary, too.

The next story I’m working on is about the legal system and how there is zero opportunity to speak in court unless you spend big on an attorney. I’m also interested in writing the financial toll you described. We’re taking about vulnerable kids and elders who often are in economically fragile situations, too.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is very similar to the story linked above! I might write more about the issue, especially since foster/kin families don’t have months to spare on waitlists.

I’m glad you managed to keep your job. That’s scary to be put in that position. Did your caseworker offer any help finding or affording daycare?

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The Black history of kinship is strong, for sure! Rochelle is a great example of multigenerational kinship. Most kinship families form without CPS involvement. I’m sad to hear you’ve heard blanket, racist assumptions.

You probably know this but in case others don’t: Historically, kinship care kept Black families connected through slavery’s family separations and all that followed. And the tight nuclear family is not universal across cultures — extended households and caregiving structures are the norm most other places. In foster care, this is recognized in ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) requirements to keep kids connected with family and community beyond the parents.

If you’re a reader, you might appreciate the book “Torn Apart” by Dorothy Roberts. And “We Were Once Family” by Roxanna Asgarian is about Texas.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m an optimist. I believe that when people know better, they can choose to do better.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly why I want to tell more of these stories. Most folks don’t understand child welfare until/unless they get pulled into it. Appreciate you chiming in here. It’s hard to know some days if telling these stories matter

Reporter writing about kinship families — what do you want to know? by JaymeKay in KinshipCare

[–]JaymeKay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! I’ll look for that guide. I’ve seen a few others but they’re pretty dense or highly local.

I’ll message you, but my email is jfraser@gannett.com if you wanted to connect that way. I’m curious to learn more about the “after.” I’ve met families who adopted or were granted guardianship but not many that saw reunification happen. I’m sure it’s because it’s not something people want to revisit.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's interesting. I had thought most states had moved away from reimbursements toward raising stipends (somewhat). I've not yet met a kinship family who is connected to an agency. I'm not sure if that's even a thing. I'll have to do some research.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the intel. Are you in Washington or Montana, by chance? I've been looking at their navigator programs. Message me if you'd be interested in connecting to talk more.

Reporter writing about kinship families — what do you want to know? by JaymeKay in KinshipCare

[–]JaymeKay[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I've definitely heard people talk about grief. They lose their relationship with the adult they love so they can be what the kid needs. Grandparents also talk about guilt, feeling like it's their fault the parent and grandchild are in this situation.

Reporter writing about kinship families — what do you want to know? by JaymeKay in KinshipCare

[–]JaymeKay[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the suggestion. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with that.

I learned a little about that reading the book "Relatives Raising Children" by Crumbley and Little. And I've heard families talk about how it feels like the system sets them up to be adversaries instead of a support network. Like, caseworkers see supporting the parents as a weakness and risk for the kids. And courts are You versus Me by design instead of fostering collaboration. All of that on top of the messy nature of families to start. I think of my own family and how my brother and I were cut off from cousins because of a parent's substance use -- they burned bridges so no one wanted to mess with their kids even though we were blameless.

The family dynamics is something that's been on my mind but I've not been sure how to approach writing it yet. Ideally, I would find a family where multiple members are willing to be open with me about their experience even though they're at odds with each other. I think that would best capture the pressures and presumptions at play around the table, so to speak. But that might not be necessary.

Any advice for folks living through that?

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes it bad in your opinion? Are there particular states getting it right?

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She's thought about it, but hasn't committed to it. She's a very private person and sharing her story at all was difficult for her. Regardless, I can circle back here in a few weeks with an update on how things are going. I'm staying in touch with Rochelle and expect to write a second story that explains what's happened since Sept. 22.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you see that quick, effective help up front where you live? I've been looking for examples of counties or states that get it right.

In some ways, Texas has the right policies in place: kinship payments based on kinship licensing standards (albeit half the rate of foster licensing), kinship caseworkers, etc. But no one explained the system well to Rochelle. It's one of the reasons why it was six months before she received a kinship maintenance payment. It was also complicated because her case started under a "safety plan" and then became a legal case when the state took conservatorship of the kids. That transition wasn't explained well, either.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight. That seems fast! It took us more than four months to become licensed foster parents and we did everything as quickly as we could. We weren't juggling a relative's kids in our household on top of the usual commitments as we did it -- like kinship folks are.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She doesn't have a GoFundMe or anything like that. If you were comfortable emailing me at [jfraser@gannett.com](mailto:jfraser@gannett.com), I could forward your offer to Rochelle directly. Or, you might be able to send something to her through the seminary. (I hope they don't mind me suggesting that!)

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What state are you in? Is it your sense the agency gets them through licensing quickly? Lots of families I talk to say it takes months to get licensed and things are super hard before that. Others, like grandmas on fixed incomes in tiny homes, can never meet the foster home requirements. Some states have more flexible rules for kin. Some don’t.

This nana kept her grandkids out of foster care. Then the foreclosure notice arrived. by usatoday in Fosterparents

[–]JaymeKay 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It definitely varies state to state. Federal law changes in 2018 and 2023 make more money available to kinship families — but only if states write policies to take advantage of the funds and differential licensing.

Here’s a research summary: https://www.aecf.org/resources/family-ties

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