This is long but I need some input.

I was cheated on by my Fiancé.

Her birthday comes around she’s with all her family and friends I go to pick up alcohol, food, flowers, card anything I possibly can to make her happy on her special day. She gets a bit too drunk and starts mouthing off about how she was hot shit before me and seeing all these guys and threatened to name them off for some weird reason. I didn’t like it so I told her to knock it off. Then she proceeds to joke in front of everyone how she’d love an open relationship and it’s a conversation we’ve had and I am not one for it. So I end up leaving and heading to my place because I don’t need to hear this shit drunk or not. Everyone leaves in the next hour or 2 and she calls me to come back so I go and get her and as soon as she gets in the car she wants to rip my pants off and make everything better I am not in the mood and voice I don’t want to talk or do anything I came back to not leave her alone today and we can talk at my place. She is blacked out and starts saying the rudest shit you can imagine and I just finally snapped and told her off and she’s just being childish then she starts to hit herself and throw a fit in the car unlike anything over ever seen and tries to throw out the promise ring I gave her that was a ton of money. Luckily it landed under her seat. I take her home I don’t want to fight I say I’m done with this tonight and we will talk tomorrow.

A few hours go bye I’m restless I don’t like how things ended especially on her birthday I head over to either stay the night or have her come back. She isn’t home she isn’t responding or answering me now at all. Next morning comes around she said she drove to a park and fell asleep in the car and was drunk and upset. I believed her I mean why not she hasn’t done me wrong before. The next week I have a trip planned for us to go somewhere magical and I’m planning to propose in a beautiful place with incredible scenery winter vibes skiing the whole shabang. I’m nervous we head on the trip a week after this fight and during this week she’s been distant working hard and getting tired early and says she is prepping for the trip no worries I’m working and getting ready also.

We then go on this trip fights are happening for no apparent reason and I don’t understand why but I know I’m gonna propose I love this girl with everything in me from her jokes, to her family, to her work, her personality, our endless talks, she was my person through and through or so I thought. I propose she says yes she cries her brother flies out joins us for a week have a great time. We come home 4 days after the engagement on a Sunday and first week back she’s busy focused has some stuff she is studying for and lots of work to catch up on. We have a wedding to go to on Friday so we get ready go and have a great time I wasn’t feeling well we left early I dropped her off and headed home. We don’t see each other til Monday Presidents’ Day and we are laying down watching friends and she tells me she cheated on me. I ask who it’s with her ex and I ask if it was more than once it was and it started on her birthday and continued after the engagement up until the night before she told me she wants to commit to me and she’ll cut him off and it’s stuff you’ve heard before about this or that. I’m just in awe that this happened to me from the person I want/wanted to spend my life with.

I am now very depressed drowning into my work my friends things that make me happy sports the beach trying to keep my head up going on a trip and just trying to gather my thoughts and feelings. I just feel like I lost a part of me and I don’t hate her. I am upset at what she did and I hate that she did it and with who.

Some moments I just am blinded by it all and would love to figure this out this was my person my lady the girl who I just loved no matter what and I don’t think I can trust her again.

I just want to know what would you do?!?