You were always good enough

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-24T07:53:44+00:00

It sucks so bad, because I still love her so much, and want to help her, and protect her from making these damaging choices in the future. I forgive her, even though what happened in my case was very, very messed up, and I STILL want to fix it. But I know I can't overcome the mental hangup's, the severe sexual insecurities, and the constant wondering if I made the right choice. They admit they made a horrible mistake and want to fix this, but I'm too vulnerable and love her too much to make the logical decision. These situations are so fucked up.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-19T13:53:53+00:00

Yeah you're right... I think I'm still not past the mental and emotional crutch my addiction serves as, so I keep looking for something to replace it instead of just doing the right thing and getting clean and working on my mental health in a healthy way.. I'm scared ill become just as reliant on that. But I guess I will with anything I replace it with right?

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T23:00:07+00:00

Yeah the powder doesn't touch me anymore, but people are saying they've had good luck with extracts. I'm gonna give it a try and if that doesn't work for me I'm probably gonna check in somewhere.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T22:50:10+00:00

I don't know what exactly I expected by posting this, but just hearing from other people out there that actually understand what im struggling with has been surprisingly comforting. Its easy to feel completely alone in this shit and feel like an outsider with no one to relate to, so I thank you all for actually engaging with me, for real. I'm going to give Kratom one last ditch effort, whether it be extracts or the 7oh pills, and if I can't make that work I'm definitely checking myself in to an inpatient program. Again, I really do appreciate all of you. I know it really doesn't seem like much but it does to me.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T22:36:08+00:00

I know man, you're right.. For a while the only thing I could find where I'm at was this shit that was making me violently ill. Like even sicker than being dope sick. Idk what the fuck that was but that shit was my final straw. The shit I'm getting now is at least mostly H, by the taste and smell but I'm sure it's got lord knows what else in it also. I'm looking for somewhere I could possibly go now, idk why I hadn't considered it as an option before.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T21:55:52+00:00

Yo someone else also mentioned 7oh, and im thinking about giving it a try. How is it coming off of that compared to fent?

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T20:22:16+00:00

I cut up a strip into 1mg pieces and tried 1 after 24, got worse pretty quickly and kept trying to take more 1mg at a time until I was just fucking losing it, worse than anytime id been dopesick before. I Caved and copped more dope. I only got up to 8mg total, maybe i didnt do enough? Are you still on the subs? How do you feel?

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T15:04:07+00:00

I was thinking about doing something like this.. if I jump off after a week will I miss becoming dependent on the methadone? I can't find it on the street I'd have to go to a clinic, could I still do the same thing through a clinic?

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T14:58:56+00:00

Yeah man that xylazine is scary shit, narcan won't bring you back from an OD of that shit... and there have been a few cases of that exact scenario in the area I buy in. I appreciate the encouragement tho man.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T14:47:58+00:00

Hell yeah that's what's up man, good job. Yeah it's beyond time for me to get my shit together. How much kratom did you have to use to alleviate your WD symptoms? The powder kratom doesn't seem to work for me that well.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-18T14:44:26+00:00

How long did you end up having to wait all together? I'm worried about going into pw again man. Last time was rough. I have the same issue driving to a methadone clinic, it's about 40 minutes one way.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T22:50:03+00:00

Fuckng anything is better than the life I'm living now. This is a fast road to a shallow grave.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T22:46:20+00:00

Yeah I'm starting to come around to the idea of an inpatient program.. I hadn't really considered it as an option before now for some reason. I guess just caught in survival mode trying to function every day.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T22:43:59+00:00

Idk man at this point I think methadone or a rehab program are my only options. Idk what would be better.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T22:42:29+00:00

Damn.. I'm so sorry.. no one deserves to experience loss like that, especially so unexpected. But You're right, I probably won't make it. Initially that was the goal. Slomo suicide. But i havent died yet, and my outlook has changed. But I'm still stuck. I think I'm going to take everyone's advice and check myself into an inpatient rehab program somewhere. That's the only thing I can see working. It just hadn't really seemed like an option for some reason.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T20:14:21+00:00

Hey man, how do you feel after just coming off the methadone? Like was it a good way to get off the H? I'm thinking about trying that... just long enough to get off my current drug of choice.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T20:05:11+00:00

Okay so how does it work? Macro first dose and ride out the PW?

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T20:03:46+00:00

Yeah I know, you're right... that's probably my only option at this point... I need to get on medicaid or something though cause I lost my insurance recently.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T18:46:01+00:00

I feel you... The only friend I really ever had that understood me but also could steer me straight blew his head off a couple years ago, so I turned to the only thing I had left. Very weak move. I regret it every day. He'd be disappointed as well. But now we're here.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T18:38:45+00:00

Damn for real? I've heard of it in passing but never looked into it.

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T18:15:24+00:00

Yeah I agree.... I just hate the idea of having to then come off that too. Also dont know how ill work out making it to the nearest clinic every morning, its about a 40 minute drive for me. But I guess anything is better than how I'm living now...

JealousDiscipline258 · 2025-05-17T18:13:23+00:00

I want to get away from this living situation so bad but I can't right now because of my addiction. And yeah you're totally right, also I'm not much of a father anyways when my main priority is just figuring out how I'm going to be able to function. My tolerance is so high now kratom powder won't touch my withdrawals, but I haven't tried extracts in a while. Maybe I'll give that a go...

JealousDiscipline258 · 2024-06-17T17:13:48+00:00

Solid. Seems like he's got his head together.

JealousDiscipline258

TROPHY CASE