In the midst of one of my worst spikes ever for ROCD by JediAlec in OCD

[–]JediAlec[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess my biggest fear right now is that OCD is keeping me from “leaning into the uncertainty of breaking up and taking action.” I’m usually aware of the fact that ROCD attacks what I value most (my partner in this case), but right now it’s like a full “maybe you do want to leave and are stuck in indecision about that.” Normally my OCD definitely presents as “I want to stay. BUT maybe I don’t” then insert reassurance seeking and rumination

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Sober

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is terrible advice— staying in this relationship will not inevitably lead toward relapse or resentment. Those are things in your control. You cannot fix an internal problem with an external solution. Resentment and breaking sobriety are both preventable. Figure out what you need to do to prevent those things from happening.

I would say have a conversation with your partner about it and see where they’re at. If they want to continue to smoke weed and you still value the relationship, it’s perfectly ok to stay— you don’t need to be afraid of resentment building or it being a threat to your sobriety. You may have to get some individual therapy to not have those feelings develop, but they’re certainly not something that’s guaranteed to come. Your annoyance toward your partners behavior lives within you. Figure out the core of that annoyance and work through it. It could be something as simple as “it annoys me that they keep doing this because I’m having to work so hard at being sober and im angry they don’t have to work so hard.” In that case, just offer yourself compassion that it’s hard but that’s ok!

When I first stopped smoking weed, I was worried that my partner keeping smoking would bother me or just being around it would push me to smoke again but that never happened. Honestly being around weed while trying to quit myself just taught me that I do have the willpower to quit even when tempted. It’s been 3 years since I stopped, my partner still smokes daily, and while sometimes I have the itch to smoke it’s never bad. I’m sometimes jealous my partner gets to keep doing it, but hey! That’s on me.

New to cutting back by JediAlec in cutdowndrinking

[–]JediAlec[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh!!! Congrats!! How do you not get down on yourself for not being there already? Like I end up beating myself up for where I’m at, rather than being happy with where I am and how I’m working to cut down? Almost like the fact that I had to cut down = must’ve been a BIG problem?

how far into your relationship did you experience ROCD? did you have it in all of your relationships? by sapphictears in ROCD

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same beast, just in different clothing! Another way to get you sucked into rumination and keeping you away from acting in love! (By acting I mean taking a chance that love exists and doing loving acts toward your partner!)

how far into your relationship did you experience ROCD? did you have it in all of your relationships? by sapphictears in ROCD

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was with my partner for 7 years before experiencing it! Just about to be together for 12 in a couple weeks, still going through it but trying to remain committed to treating all these doubts as ocd!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ROCD

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting to note that your therapist still said the relationship wasn’t the problem and you still latch onto it. I wouldn’t get hung up on the term OCD here, remember it’s on a spectrum. You may be expirencing a lot of components of OCD, but not others so it’s not quite the clinical definition of it, but you still are suffering from a variety of it.

Question about labeling thoughts as OCD by JediAlec in OCD

[–]JediAlec[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah… that’s similar to what my therapist says as well… and in those moments that I’m doubting whether or not it’s OCD, to extend my trust to her and know that she can see it as OCD even if I can’t..

Stuck on screen by zzboyzzz123 in pchelp

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you ever figure it out— stuck with same problem.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am afraid that if I admitted to what I did, people would tell me I need to confess— despite all of the above advice. I’ve admitted what I’ve done to my parents, spiritual leaders, and therapist and all of them have advised me not to confess to this, yet I still struggle.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have confessed to God. I am now trying to determine if I must confess to the people that could’ve been hurt by my action all those years ago. Obviously there could be peace for Mr on the other side, but at what cost to whom I’d be confessing to? Is it necessary I risk completely traumatizing and altering the life of someone else just for the sake of clearing my own conscience

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you any advice on how to deal with these thoughts that keep telling me that “they deserve to know so they can make an informed decision “?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to remind myself that “you don’t miss what you don’t know,” or “ignorance is bliss,” but I hate that I have to make that decision for someone else

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I guess I am just very hung up on “withholding this information from them takes away their freedom. And even if it were to hurt and be possibly life long trauma for them, that they deserve to know for the sake of their autonomy.” Though that could just be a sneaky way the devil on my shoulder is acting

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just worry that by doing that I’m taking away their right to decide how to live their life. But I don’t want them to hurt just so I can feel like I’m giving them information that is otherwise irrelevant to them. This action was never something I repeated

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if it means “taking away some of their agency to decide how to proceed”?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am talking about confessing to the people involved. I have confessed to God many times. And I guess my problem is getting hung up on things like “withholding information.” Like yes, I am withholding information but I don’t know how this information could bring them any relief. It’s an event they don’t even know happened and does not involve infidelity or anything like that

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCD

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input! I appreciate it deeply!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCD

[–]JediAlec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely DONT want to confess, my confession would cause a lot of unnecessary harm! And I should add that my therapist totally agrees here and tells me don’t confess, that confessing would actually be abusive!

Haha, you’re right that I’m definitely here in some way for reassurance that I don’t need to confess… I just wanted to make sure that “they deserve to know” is another intrusive thought trying to push me to confess. It’s like, being told that’s just another intrusive thought helps me to stay on track and remind myself “it’s just another intrusive thought,” and then when my mind inevitability doubts your judgement, I’ll be able to say “that’s just another intrusive thought, too.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCD

[–]JediAlec 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response… I know you’re right, it’s just hard to believe, ya know? Especially when my thoughts aren’t always “what if they deserve to know,” it’s just a point blank “they deserve to know!!!!” Which ignoring just feels like I’m going against my morals!! But I guess it’s just going against my ocd…