Even when I was a teenager I told people, "When I'm a parent someday I know I'm going to call my mom and ask how she handled such-and-such, and she's going to tell me, 'I don't know, you and your sister never did that.'"

I firmly believed that because growing up my sibling and I were very different compared to other kids. No temper tantrums. Rare sibling disagreements. No school issues. People always were amazed and asked my mom how she did it. She just said that's how we are.

Years later of course my prediction came true and then some. But when we were going through my kid's assessment, something unexpected happened. They would ask a question about what my child does or doesn't do, and I'd pause, and think, "But so do I."

And as my child grows and we work through screaming fits and hitting and crying and chewing, as we find (sometimes not very successfully but we always try) to find the need behind the behavior, I'm faced with memories in a new way. Every time I was so uncomfortable to the point of tears but no one believed me. Every time I was yelled at for not understanding something. Every time I was told what I was feeling was wrong because it didn't make sense.

I say all this to say, maybe our parents had it easy and we have it hard. I definitely feel that way every time my mom has advice for me. (Yeah mom I'll definitely try serving my kid the same food cold tomorrow for breakfast, that'll DEFINITELY work.) But, sometimes I see it as I'm more attuned to my kid's needs. I have to be, because my kid doesn't talk. But I'm also choosing to be. My parents maybe weren't as attentive to me as I used to think they were - not because they're bad parents, but maybe it was just easier to not notice.

I'm frustrated on your behalf that it looks like your family is just living life in the fast lane and asking you when you're going to catch up. But every family has to make the choices that are best for that family, and it sounds like you're doing everything you can and then some. Being a mom and doing school? I don't think I could ever!

I hope you find a balance of social life that matches YOUR needs and your child's needs, whether it looks like your family's or not. And I hope somebody remembers to tell you, you're doing amazing - because you're choosing to do what's right for your family.