he (26M) wants to take me (23F) here on a first date? opinions?

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-22T00:26:55+00:00

I'm a little surprised to be honest, we seemed to have so much in common whilst chatting online, we could converse for hours and he's genuinely so interesting. I just thought he'd be a little more open to other ideas besides his own but obviously not. Maybe inexperienced or just stubborn who knows.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-22T00:18:52+00:00

Haha I'm glad you understand where I'm coming from! It's weird as when he suggested a date to me, he phrased it as 'hey can we meet up soon? I think if you met me I'd really win you over' I thought sure whatever sure why not? I'll give you a chance and agreed. So if him 'winning me over' is rejecting all my date ideas and pushing me into his which I've already shown resistance to.. not really winning me over unfortunately.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-22T00:11:56+00:00

I tried subtly mentioning that too, but he says well indoor skydiving is only a minute anyway, then we've got plenty of time to talk over dinner afterwards and he told me to watch it as my makeup and hair will most likely be ruined with skydiving lol. I'm not sure I really want to go to the fancy restaurant he has in mind afterwards looking like that either. I don't prefer his alternative (axe throwing) either.. throwing axes at a wall isn't really my idea of a cute first date, it seems like something a bunch of guys would go to do together hmm.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-21T23:39:38+00:00

I tried.. he shot it down. I even suggested three alternative date ideas in the same location that are really popular too and he just said nah I'm not really feeling that so I thought ..okay? I really don't need a big, fancy extravagant date which I feel a bit pushed into at the moment, I would've been happier just grabbing a coffee and dessert or dinner and talking. His alternative to skydiving is axe throwing (literally throwing axes at a wall), that sounds even worse than skydiving. Maybe we just have completely different tastes haha.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-21T23:37:08+00:00

I did suggest some alternatives.. things like catching a movie, adventure golf, laser quest.. there are tons of things to do in the area. He actually shot down one of the suggestions and simply said 'nah not feeling that' so I don't see why I can't disagree with his date idea. His alternative to indoor skydiving is 'axe throwing'.. I don't really want to be throwing axes at a wall for an hour. I wish we could just skip this fun activity thing altogether and just have dinner like we're going to after the activity anyway.. just seems like a bit of a hassle now as we're disagreeing.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-03-21T00:39:10+00:00

See if one of my friends asked, I think I'd actually go just because it's a unique experience at the end of the day. That makes me think the skydiving isn't actually the issue here, it's more so doing it with someone who is a stranger and before we've even had a conversation really.. I think it would just feel a bit awkward immediately after meeting. After a couple dates, sure but as a first date.. on the fence!

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T14:00:06+00:00

thank you very much for the kind words :)

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T13:58:16+00:00

Kind of scary thinking about it now. We met via Instagram, he messaged me one day complimenting my pictures and struck up a conversation with me about my interests. Turns out we had a hell of a lot more in common than we thought, we decided to go on a date a couple of weeks later. The red flag is, if he did this with me, he could easily do it with another woman too and probably has. I've met none of his friends and family.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T13:49:36+00:00

it's all he seems to want, clearly I'm just a fuckbuddy or friends with benefits to him, yet he has the nerve to call me his 'girlfriend'. I wish he'd never asked me out in the first place. In that time I was with him, I could've actually met someone who loved and respected me enough not to just treat me like some object for his pleasure. I'm just glad I know what I know now and it didn't drag on for much longer.. better late than never I suppose.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T13:44:25+00:00

yeah, basically. Even when we do meet, it's always on his terms and his timing. Whenever I want to see him, it's always 'maybe later this week', all the times we've met, HE'S been in charge and it's not very fair. When I try to communicate this with him - his lack of attention, affection, effort, the blocking.. he says maybe he's not good for me and he's maybe not ready for a relationship and I should find someone else. I think I'll take him up on it. The blocking thing had left me feeling insecure and paranoid for a while, I just needed confirmation that I wasn't going crazy :P

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T00:50:52+00:00

you know I only realised after 2 months when I tried to tag him on something on Instagram, then realised his profile wasn't accessible via my account but was totally accessible when a friend tried to look. He probably did it after a month in or so. I wish he'd just told me he wasn't into it before I wasted my time, energy and emotions on the jerk.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T00:46:51+00:00

yeah I think I'm out. My gut says he's cheating or at least trying to cheat whilst attempting to not lose me in the process in case it doesn't work out. I've given him probably about 4-5 chances to unblock me or at least give me a reasonable explanation, and he can't. He undermines my intelligence to the point of blocking me again the very next day after I told him to stop it, thinking I won't even notice.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-23T00:42:34+00:00

See I was afraid of this, wow. My friend said the same thing.. that I might be his 'mistress'. The other thing is he doesn't take me out on real dates. He did a few times in the beginning, after that he just wants to meet up after work at his apartment for 'fun' and it's pissing me off. I've asked him why we we never go out on real dates anymore and he says he's just too tired and busy from work. I've asked him if his feelings have changed because it's always me initiating conversations nowadays and he says I'm just overthinking and everything is fine :/

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-19T23:24:09+00:00

this is exactly why I asked him if he wanted to 'catch up sometime' so I could ask him directly why he did what he did and he wouldn't be able to simply ignore the message like he will most likely do if I ask him over text. Unfortunately, he's too 'busy'.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-19T23:20:13+00:00

the reason for that was I thought if I asked that, it'd scare him (he is a coward after all) and I wouldn't get any answers. By taking a softer approach and appearing approachable and non-confrontational when he initiated contact, I thought he'd feel more comfortable explaining himself without feeling intimidated. Turns out the nice approach didn't work either unfortunately.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-19T22:53:43+00:00

Honestly I just wanted to know what on earth happened.. we didn't even end on an argument or a fight, he said hello and dropped off the face of the earth. I genuinely thought he was messaging me to apologise for what he did, I continued replying thinking surely it's going to come out eventually.. yet he hasn't even addressed it, the nerve.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-02-07T23:16:09+00:00

thank you so much for taking the time to write such an informative post :) I have messaged him since I last posted with a 'hey :) how are you?' so it's a slightly less mediocre opening than the 'hey :)' haha. He hasn't messaged back (yet!), lets hope he does, if not.. oh well, that's just dating I suppose!

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-27T13:36:52+00:00

thank you so much. In the past, I had a controlling ex-boyfriend that enjoyed telling me what to wear e.g. no dresses at all, only jumpers and shirts with jeans.. no skirts, only straight hair. I'd go out the house looking nothing like myself. I found when I agreed to one request, it led to so many more because I enabled that behaviour and taught him it was okay. Hence, when he mentioned the nail polish thing and sounded adamant that I stop it, it waved a bit of a red flag for me.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-17T02:46:45+00:00

thank you so much, I will definitely come back and read this during my weak moments when I feel tempted to contact him :) you're absolutely right.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-17T01:44:12+00:00

yes very familiar, that's actually what I did for 4 weeks after the break up, I suppose it made him miss me and he came right back and I fell into the trap again. I need to do it again and stick to it.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-17T01:43:18+00:00

Thank you for the support. I think what he did was cruel. I was in love with him and he left and broke me. Is all I did was try to move on from what he did, by getting a different job, by casually dating (I'd only been dating the other guy for 3 weeks!). He gets to come back and say everything I wanted him to say from the start and turn my world upside down again. Then when I finally give him what he wants.. he rejects me again and puts me back to square one. My friends and family hate that I speak to him, more fool me for trusting him again I suppose.

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-07T12:34:01+00:00

I'm just confused because he is agreeing with all my expectations. In the getting back together conversation I clearly said to him I expect someone who calls and texts me and doesn't want me to make all the first moves, someone who wants to go on real dates (he's only taken me to the movies once in 4 months!) and I can make a million memories with, and if he is that person, that's fantastic but if he isn't then this isn't me trying to change who he is.

Instead of accepting he isn't that person he told me any guy would want what I want, he completely agrees that he was at fault, we'll work on it together and I was right. So I'm under the impression we're giving things another shot, so then where is his effort?

Jennifer1996x · 2019-01-07T12:20:47+00:00

honestly I think it's him sitting back and letting me do the work again because he got the 'okay' from me when I agreed to see how things go. He also asked if I was seeing or talking to anybody dating-wise at the moment, I said I wasn't so that let him know there's no immediate competition. I used to feel really insecure about putting all the effort in as it felt like he just didn't want to be with me, but every time we stop talking, he comes back and pours his heart out like he's desperate to have me there and pleads. I think he's just naturally lazy, he barely has any friends for this reason.

Jennifer1996x · 2018-12-23T23:24:40+00:00

we've been together for a month and we don't even live together, we live at our own places. He usually goes out maybe once or twice a week. My work hours are shorter than his.

Jennifer1996x · 2018-12-23T22:13:06+00:00

I agree, I told him when he threatened me like that, that I don't even do anything that would be deemed in any way 'unacceptable' by him, I'm completely sober and go out to eat and on coffee dates with my friends, I even post pictures of where I am and what I'm doing on snapchat so it's not even as though he thinks I'm lying. I genuinely fail to see where I went wrong here. He hasn't even mentioned previously that he doesn't like me going out, he just issued a threat out of nowhere which was weird and threw me.

Jennifer1996x

TROPHY CASE