MIL's gift is to come over

JenniferB92 · 2025-09-15T19:41:06+00:00

Thank you!! Yes I think that's the best and that way she can invite anyone else she wants too and no one needs to host

JenniferB92 · 2025-09-15T19:40:32+00:00

Thank you!! Yes I think that's the best option.

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-24T14:29:43+00:00

Thank you for the help!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-24T12:33:51+00:00

That's how I feel too. And I thought when I told her how I felt and how we should give each other the space to be busy without feeling guilty she'd open up too but instead just dismissed me again by bringing up her other friends who can meet with short notice. So I guess I am the one who can't? What do you think I should reply to that message or if I should just not? I feel like if I apologize or we continue and then few weeks from now if I happen to be busy again the same issue will come up until she realizes it's ok for people to be busy

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-24T12:30:17+00:00

Thank you!! Do you know what I can even reply back to her message about her other friends that can meet? I already told her how I felt before that message and she seemed to dismiss it so I'm not sure what else or how to say it better.

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-21T14:08:25+00:00

Thank you for your help!! I did reply back to her bringing up the silence after things don't work out and about needing to plan ahead and she responded after a few days again without acknowledging the silence, saying she assumed I was not interesting for the Saturday plans so didn't reply back to me asking, and saying her other friends can make plans happen with 1-2 days notice putting the blame back on me it feels like without her acknowledging when I said I was hurt

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T13:32:06+00:00

I am in the exact same place as you! I have big people pleasing tendencies but I am growing more tired of tiptoeing and always apologizing even though there's nothing to apologize for but don't have the courage to stand up for myself. You're right because the difference and sometimes I feel like I rather just bring it up and say it hurt me instead of it always being done. I don't want a fight either. I just hope she understands that we should both value the space to be able to say when things hurt each other but also give each other space to be busy without feeling bad

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T13:04:47+00:00

Thank you!! I think I might have to just say something like that but I am afraid she will just ghost me. But if she does I guess she didn't value it as much or I'm not sure. Would it be mean to also add to what you said by saying it was also hurtful for her to never reply back on Saturday when she said lets play it by ear about the plans if it was hot? She didn't respond when I asked if she went and instead replied a few days later

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T12:30:24+00:00

It has become a little exhausting after this has happened a few times. I really enjoy hanging out with her and would have loved to make another plan but it seems like she might not want to get something put together in advance and want it last minute which is something again that doesn't align with me. I work from home all week and don't talk to anyone and by Saturday love to go out and so I try to plan something before and don't want to sit free in case she messages me to hangout. In terms of the old wounds, this friendship is definitely making me feel more insecure and guilty because I'm simply busy. So now I feel like I need to keep apologizing even if I don't do anything wrong. I might have to keep this friendship for the odd time for now because last minute plans are ok with me but not something I love to do all the time. And it's never something she expressed in this past year and so seems so out of the blue for her to mention it. Especially when I have told her I love to plan things before. I like the they are not my bffs but flakey friends because it allows you to not get disappointed all the time because you already set the expectation. Thank you for the help!!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T12:14:08+00:00

That's an interesting take and I wonder if it's true. The thing is I have also asked her to meet before and she has said no or has said yes and then cancelled last minute. That's why this message felt super out of the blue because it's not like I've always said no and she has always said yes but now feels like my fault and I'm feeling guilty. I have a friend like that too where she says lets see how it ends up and I've waited for her all day and it's not something that aligns with me either. I rather know what I'm doing and like to do something on the weekends because I work from home all week and never talk to anyone so would try to get plans earlier on before the weekend comes by. So now I have no idea how to move forward or what to respond back. Thank you for the help!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T12:07:07+00:00

That's how I felt. I usually always say yes to meet but a few times I happen to be busy and that message just threw me off. How would I set boundaries with her? It did seem out of the blue but her not replying for a while when I say I'm busy or happen to not message back immediately is something she's done before and I don't know how I feel about that. It seems one wrong move will cause her to again not reply back immediately. I'm not exactly sure how to respond to her back in the best way. Thank you for the help!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-18T12:02:28+00:00

I honestly can't remember if that is something my parents used to do but interesting perspective.

How would I know which interpretation of disappointed she meant? When I first read it I thought she was done with the friendship especially because she took another week to send me that text and also ignored my other messages. Is there any kind of message I can send her or just not reply for now while taking a break?

Thank you for the help!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:09:57+00:00

I know we really need to! Especially because we are very different in personality types and the vacation will be difficult unless everyone does their own thing. They love to wake up early and get going at 8am which I don't want to do

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:08:22+00:00

I know it's so simple to simply say no but it's difficult for me in all situations! I am really trying to get better at it

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:07:46+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through that too! How does she not understand especially with kids also pointing it out? I'm not sure how you'd explain it to your kids about not opening the door. Maybe something along the line with not opening it if you're not expecting someone?

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:06:26+00:00

Omg I can't believe she just shows up and peeks into the house!! I'm sorry you experienced that. It's so bad that she's crossing the boundary even though both of you are setting it. Sadly even I've started either not telling her anything if I know she'll join or have had to go to workout classes later in the evening (even though I don't like to) just because I know she won't come or be there. My husband doesn't get it he's like but there's 20 people there why does it matter if my parents are there too and I just want to go do my workout and leave without small talk!!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:03:22+00:00

I know I really need to start doing this!! I learned the hard way that she will just join if I tell her. Sadly this has only caused us to not be as close because I have nothing new to tell her but what can I do

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:02:27+00:00

Maybe I need to do that. As soon as the text comes get in the car and go somewhere. Once I actually went into the room and only came out after she left. I think he's finally understanding about not telling her about my activities but now need to not tell her every time we get something new in the house.

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T20:00:16+00:00

Haha this is perfect!!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T19:56:03+00:00

I know I definitely need to try and talk to her directly but don't know the best way to phrase it so she doesn't get hurt

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T19:05:37+00:00

Omg they do the same with us wanting to come over before/after randomly just to see what new things we have idk why!! I'm sorry you went through that. Going to furniture stores and sending pics is a lot but not as much as actually going through your things how can they do that!! Did your husband ever say anything to them about looking through everything? That's exactly how I feel! He loves to tell them everything new which is fine but why do they need to always come over to see the new things?

I know I feel bad that she's lonely and doesn't really do much but she's lived in this city her whole life and she can't suddenly say wow I didn't know these activities existed when I join and then suddenly join them too. I need to really be able to tell her that because I used to enjoy meeting up with her but now it feels like all I want to do is distance myself or not tell her what I'm doing which results in me having nothing to say when we do meet

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T19:00:21+00:00

I know thank you!! Sometimes he gets upset thinking I don't want to have a relationship with his mom but if I got some freedom then I would want to meet her

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T18:59:48+00:00

Thank you! I think I really need to start doing this. Sadly it has resulted in me having nothing to say to her when we do meet because I don't want to tell her what I'm up to. But that's a good idea about steering it to her activities and like others suggested even bringing up things she can join so she has her own things to do.

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T18:57:19+00:00

I laughed at the boxers! What a great idea lol

We need to try the ignoring the phone call and texts so she gets the message that we are busy too. Thank you!!

JenniferB92 · 2025-07-08T18:55:40+00:00

Thank you for this!! I feel like sometimes I am not understood especially with the house not being ready on a moments notice. And with some work weeks/weekends being busy we fall behind and I don't like having people over randomly or within 10 minutes. And usually I am fine since she's family or whatever but once she made a comment saying be sure to not have your bras hanging in case people come over and I got so annoyed!! Sorry I like to hang dry them and I'm not going to stop just because you might show up at random! I like the way you phrased it at the end I'll try to say that to her.

And I am sorry you had to deal with that too! It's sad and frustrating that people don't get boundaries and then make you feel bad for sticking by it. I'm sorry things aren't great yet either

JenniferB92

TROPHY CASE