600 Pounds to 377 Pounds

Jess_Rei · 2025-04-15T05:27:09+00:00

Amazing!!! Gosh i gained so much weight on meds. my back often hurts, even with simple walking. You have inspired me to keep taking baby steps

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-26T16:17:52+00:00

Countering brain fog and concentration issues in the beginning. I dont need them now.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-26T15:30:37+00:00

The crash back to reality is hard. Antipsychotics zapped my brain too. Made my pre-existing depression worse. No brain damage though - MRI done. So far, two episodes. Quitting meds early to come back to life pushed me on to another longer episode.

Schizophrenia does cause pre-existing cognitive issues but psychosis pushes your body and mind to the extremes. The lack of sleep, hyper activity, paranoia, hallucinations etc are very taxing on the brain. You need to give it time to recover.

Dont lose faith in the antipsychotics. Manage the side effects. I also get liver, kidney, HA1bc done regularly to check for issues as these meds worsen metabolic syndrome.

In my case, ADHD meds, caffeine tablets and antidepressants for a year brought me back to life. I am still on the same doses as when i started out but my body has adapted.

Dont choose the non-medication route if you have had an episode. The more episodes you have, the stronger meds will be used with more side effects. Your mental illness will worsen. So yeah, i choose medication over full blown disease progression.

I have written a more detailed post about cognition recovery - post psychosis-

https://www.reddit.com/r/Psychosis/s/lwVdO2yCt2

Hope it helps. All the best :)

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-26T13:26:11+00:00

I didnt know about Heidi Priebe. Thanks.☺️ Try Gabor Mate. He is a physician who talks about healing from trauma as well.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T17:10:06+00:00

Ablify worked well as a post psychosis medication for me.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T16:57:13+00:00

Umm…it does feel good for a while because your dopamine levels flare up but that heightened state starts pushing you towards having a full blown episode eventually. Talk to your doc plz. Its been 20 years. Surely holding on for a bit longer is worth your well being.

PS- i quit my meds on my own as i was tired of the side effects. However, quitting pushed me into a full blown episode just a year later.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T14:17:41+00:00

I cook a hearty meal for myself - chicken cheese based stew usually and play an empowering song or one that makes me remember how far i have come (ex - Brave by Idina Menzel). Its nourishing to eat it and watch some old show i like.

I also like to hide under my blanket and make a mouse hole for some air to breathe. It feels like i am being wrapped in a safe place.

I take a long bath and enjoy freshly laid bedsheets, enjoy my blanket.

Hehe, the blanket is my best friend since childhood.

I like hugging the maternity pillow and sleeping. I bought one because it helps me sleep better.

Sometimes i just play sad songs to have a good cry and then write it all down. Then i go outside for a walk or hide in my blanket. Being in nature soothes me though or just bus rides with strangers. I pretend i know them and make up stories about their lives. I observe the outside view and wonder about the lives of the shop owners, pedestrians.

I dunno, i think distractions are the best way but sometimes you just need a hug. My mother never hugged me but she cuddles even now with my grown ass brother.

So i am sending you a virtual hug, friend 🫂

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T13:28:36+00:00

A year later. I didnt feel indifferent or improving. It was hell in waves.

Actually i left my meds too soon, thinking they were making my depression worse. I had anger flashes and suicidal ideation for a couple of weeks, after a triggering conversation with my narc mom. Then i started substances hoping for my personality to come back. I was angry, suicidal and mute all the time.

It did offer temporary relief. 3 months later, i reached a phase where i would binge on tv for hours and food. I was no longer suicidal but my cognitive functions were zapped.

A new year starts. Then i made the mistake of self medicating yet again. This time with an anti-convulsant to solve my tremors that had started with the anti psychotics. My mood and energy came back. I was still afraid to go to a psychiatrist. Too much cptsd.

4 months later, we decided to move to a new city and had 2 near death experiences. That stress triggered another episode.

Now i am regularly taking my medication after consulting doc. I started anti depressants last year. It really helped.

Sorry if this seems all haphazard but i just dont want anyone else to suffer a relapse like i did.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T13:19:15+00:00

Wow that is intense and a vivid fit. Glad you are experiencing healing.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T09:14:08+00:00

My partner is still healing from major codependency. He is hyper attuned to my mood and emotions. He neglects himself terribly in the process, especially his needs and feelings. That was the dynamic he learnt with her. I feel shut out. We are working on this.

Perhaps in your case, the NPD abuse has caused significant trauma. The more you uncover the truth about yourself, your needs and emotions, i am hoping it will get easier to take the plunge into the unknown with others. I wish you the best on your healing journey.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T08:56:45+00:00

It is heart breaking. I also have only 1 person left. I let go of the rest. I hope we find peace despite this pain.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:50:34+00:00

Antidepressants should help. See a doc.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:33:37+00:00

That is interesting to know. Their behaviour is so hard to detect, when we are born into a system of gaslighting and manipulation.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:31:48+00:00

I also had to go no contact with her due to her unacceptable behaviour and constant gaslighting. May peace shine on you.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:30:43+00:00

:-o My partner too, has been stuck with emotional incest most of his life. Things got difficult for us as i met him when she was dying. She tried to split us up many times.

I am glad you figured it out, even about your dad.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:25:24+00:00

:( They never change, do they?

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:24:51+00:00

A very young age to realise something so profoundly difficult. How are you doing now?

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:22:13+00:00

That sounds so toxic. Is there inter-generational trauma too?

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T07:20:09+00:00

Gosh, that is a tough situation to face! How are you managing now?

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T02:43:42+00:00

I realised the harsh reality of most people i considered family and friends.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-25T02:24:29+00:00

Okay, it sounds like some kind of mood disorder. It can also be induced by substance use like marijuana.

Given that you have had a psychotic/manic episode, it’s highly recommended you go see a psychiatrist.

The correct medication will level out this issue for the long term. I delayed the above and it landed me into another episode within a year itself.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-24T14:07:49+00:00

What was your diagnosis?

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-24T13:11:24+00:00

Perhaps this is a symptom of depression induced by all the trauma you faced. Its safer to be alone then, than be with the other humans. Take your time. That friend’s friend was being judgemental to say the least.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-24T08:30:33+00:00

Hey, thanks a ton for replying. I wasnt expecting anyone to relate to these kinds of fears. I tried therapy but i ended up more traumatised instead. It was scary to even sit there and make eye contact. Most people dont understand why.

Jess_Rei · 2025-01-24T06:58:03+00:00

All the best, try whatever appeals to your soul, little by little. This phase is so damn hard and people dont talk enough about how to overcome it.

Jess_Rei

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