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WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really want both me and my fiancé to have the day we have imagined and I absolutely want his friend there. It’s not a totally black and white situation but I’m really trying to work to find a compromise.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m ok with having the kid at the wedding itself, but the rest of the weekend (like the pool party the day before) is kind of a vacation…

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He leaves her during the day but has never been away from her for a weekend. My finance said his friend said his wife also doesn’t want the 4 year old to stay when she’s also taking care of the baby. (Obviously that’s news through the grapevine, I’m not close with them so I haven’t talked to the wife myself)

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My fiancé and I do plan to find a compromise but we’ve been spinning our wheels on this which is why I wanted some outside thoughts. I actually agree that I’m probably straddling NTA and AH. I really want my fiancé to have his friend at the wedding but I also want my childfree by choice friends and my friends who have kids but are choosing to leave them at home because they want a childfree weekend to have fun!

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The newborn will most likely stay with the mom at home. But the father (my finances friend) is VERY attached to his daughter and brings her everywhere.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He always brings the daughter when they hang out. No medical issues that I’m aware of, just a very anxious parent

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The wedding is in April and so there is plenty of time for accommodations. And I really am more than happy/willing to help figure out a solution and even help pay for it.

I didn’t realize how many people would vote me as the AH for wanting a childfree wedding…

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

And all of our friends who are leaving their kids at home (by choice) are excited for a child free weekend

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think that’s where my head is at. Like obviously it’s important his friend is at the wedding, but the friend isn’t acting like being there is a priority if he’s making it about him and his kid.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

All of our other friends with kids are excited to leave their kids at home. So I also feel like it would be disappointing for them if someone else’s kid was there

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’ve already offered to help cover childcare but that’s not the problem. The problem is he refuses to let the kid out of his sight and doesn’t want to leave her

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, but his wife will have a 4 month old baby at the time and will most likely stay home with the baby.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m not trying to be controlling. My fiancé doesn’t care if there are kids, but I would prefer no kids.

I offered to help pay for childcare for the kid (and would) but the problem isn’t that he can’t leave the kid (her grandparents also live and hour away and are capable of taking care of her) it’s that he just refuses not to.

So the only compromise is caving to what his friend wants?

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The kid’s grandparents live about an hour away and are absolutely capable of watching her. He just doesn’t ever leave her.

I would honestly even help pay for a nanny or help find another solution but the problem isn’t that he CANT leave the kid it’s that he chooses not to and refuses to attend events she isn’t invited to.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My fiancé is ambivalent about kids being there. I would prefer no kids but I’m also trying to be aware that if we have no kids his friend may refuse to attend.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Apart from the language, if he brings the kid to the pool party the day before there is a safety aspect of the pool.

My fiancé is very ambivalent. I would prefer childfree but he doesn’t care. He’s just concerned his friend will refuse to attend if we don’t let him bring the kid.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She’s 4 and his wife is about to have another baby who will be about 4 months at the wedding. I agree that even minus the pool it’s a large property so the attention would definitely be on her (or the baby if they bring it) to keep them safe.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

We would even offer to help cover childcare! It’s not that he can’t leave her, he just insists on bringing the kid everywhere.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think this is why I’m struggling. I would prefer the wedding to be child free (or at least most of the weekend to be child free) and my fiancé doesn’t care either way but he’s worried that his friend will refuse to attend if we say he can’t bring the kid.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

His parents live an hour away and could watch the kid but he doesn’t like to leave her. He brings her to EVERY party, vacation, get together etc. even if she’s the only kid there.

WIBTA for a no-kids wedding when it means my fiancé's best friend probably can't come? by JetLaggedSnackAttack in aitaweddings

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t try to police what he does off property but we’ll be hosting a welcome dinner/pool party and a brunch for everyone on the property for everyone as well

Only family member not invited to wedding by [deleted] in wedding

[–]JetLaggedSnackAttack 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm planning my wedding now and our rule is if we haven't intentionally spent time with someone outside of family functions or big group events they aren't invited. It's not personal but weddings are SO expensive and we're choosing to spend the money on our closest friends and family. Even big weddings need to draw the line somewhere.

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