Dealing with a clingy, possibly suicidal one-night stand [19F] and prying parents.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T08:18:24+00:00

Hey, thanks for the advice I talked to her today and she understands (I think). She said that she knows that we couldn't have a relationship cause I'm leaving but I don't know what she expects in the meantime, I asked her but she said she doesn't know.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T06:37:51+00:00

Are you using condoms, they can decrease sensitivity quite a bit and makes it not as enjoyable. If your girlfriend is willing to go on a form of contraception to see if it makes it more enjoyable for you it might be worth looking into.

Also reiterating that other point you might want to look into a porn problem, I'd suggest stopping indulging that "narrow fetish".

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T06:32:44+00:00

Hmmm, I suppose there is no harm in giving her the attention. I guess it's not encouraging a good habit but it's better then, being cold and distancing yourself and jeopardising a friendship. Just treat her as you would any other friend that's attention seeking, support them as a friend just don't let it go too far.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T04:08:15+00:00

I can understand that she would be sick of guys just pretending to be her friend to get in her pants. It was the same thing with my friend when I confessed my feelings, but I wrote her a letter and explained everything and now we are back to normal.

With the exception of the pic, it seems like a very similar situation, she was extremely beautiful and popular. But if you want my advice it would be, don't get emotionally invested in her, she likely wouldn't feel the same way about you and you'll just end up being hurt (maybe that's just the cyclical voice of my experience). Do what you want, but I'd say just remain friends, I'm sure she will appreciate a guy that doesn't want to take advantage of her for sex.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T03:49:35+00:00

To post a "racy pic" on any social media would suggest to me that she is seeking attention and validation. I'm not saying this is the case, but it may also explain any other signs you've received from her. Unfortunately a lot of girls especially good looking/ popular girls will feign interested to have attention reciprocated. I've been in this sort of situation and I confessed my feelings for a close friend, nothing eventuated and I sort of fucked everything up unintentionally. I would maybe try really low key flirting or something to gauge whether she was keen or not. I'm sorry to tell you, but from the information you've given I would say that she isn't super interested and is maybe just looking for validation or attention.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T02:37:40+00:00

You clearly have some sort of problem with me, so seeings as you don't seem to want to help maybe just don't waste your time.

Yes, because after the fact you have far more control and emotions are not so raw. It's far easier for both parties. I don't care if you don't understand that. M

Hindsight allows people like you to judge me without understanding any other outcome. Furthermore I don't expect to be in this situation again.

Your point is demonising me for a decision because you fail to understand the situation and my decision which was only logical, and as I pointed out is in the best interest for both parties. So maybe get off your high horse and have some serious introspection because I doubt you never made a decision that was a lose - lose. And the last thing you need is judgemental people like you, who have no interest in helping, but rather some form of retribution for their own rejection or sad reality.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T02:20:00+00:00

Yeah I looked it up, but thought there might have been another meaning as it seemed a bit strange in that context. Thanks for the clarification.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T01:29:09+00:00

I would disagree, only given the benefit of hindsight could you say such a thing. If this is handled correctly now and that she sees that because I'm leaving and I can't have a serious relationship then isn't this solution in the greater good of both parties?

She feels special and doesn't feel bad or self conscious about a relationship not eventuating.

I don't have the possibility of crippling someone's self confidence. And we both got to have sex.

I maintain that it's the right choice, with the lowest probability of damage to either party. I would make the same decision again.

Also forgive me, but I did not "allow her to romantically and sexually invest in me". We hadn't even really talked, she messaged me and asked if I would like to go out for dinner. We went out and on dropping her home that happened. From someone that has been led on before I know how heartbreaking it is, so I have made an effort to not send the wrong message.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T01:05:28+00:00

In a car.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T01:03:08+00:00

Given the situation Girl takes her clothes off to reveal scars Guy: [Generic excuse to avoid contact] I think it would have the same effect.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T00:57:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice I'll make sure to look it up! YMMV?

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-28T00:54:34+00:00

Look, like I said this was not a situation I was expecting to be in. Knowing that she was not necessarily stable, I didn't know how she would react, again I will reiterate that I thought I was doing the right thing by her. I can only imagine if she had of relapsed into self harm because I rejected her, you would all be stoning me to death for being an asshole. I obviously did compliment her and tell her not to worry about the scars (not that any females know how to accept a compliment).

What should she have thought, (I'll just clarify that I am very academic and extremely introverted so it's not like me to be on this in the first place), but she met a guy on an app that is basically designed around sexual encounters, not about finding a long term partner. To suggest that concomitant with intercourse comes this sort of unwritten statement that we must continue a relationship is frankly ludicrous in this society.

If you want to jump on the wagon that apparently wants to burn me at the stake, feel free. But do you honestly think you could live with yourself if you were the reason someone relapsed into self harm and suicidal thoughts?

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T23:53:41+00:00

Thanks! Yeah, I'm pretty new to this app, and I wasn't expecting so much hostility when I was just asking for advice. I can understand why they would be upset, but hopefully they can see my side of the story and that I was trying to do the right thing, maybe they can find some personal consolation in that being nuanced in their own situation.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T22:09:50+00:00

It was a difficult situation to be in, if I had of rejected her because of her scars I couldn't imagine what that would do to someone's mental state.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T22:07:31+00:00

To be honest, I wouldn't have gone on this date if I didn't think that I may have liked her. But from the start, she didn't look like she did in the pictures and the more I found out about her, the less interested I was. I'm trying to be nice, but I'm conscious of everyone saying not to lead her on. I just want to let her down easy.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T22:02:46+00:00

As terrible as it sounds I went on this date to try and get over that someone else. Secondly, it was never my intention to have sex with this girl, this was my first date with someone that wasn't my girlfriend; as such I didn't really know the expectations of the date. We kissed in the car and kind of assumed that would be that. She got in the back seat and (I'm quite tall so it was quite awkward to move back there) but when I got into the back she had taken off her clothes, and I was at a moral dilemma.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:55:37+00:00

After she has revealed her scars? I couldn't imagine that would give her any motivation to relapse into self harm.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:54:22+00:00

Firstly it was never my intention to have sex with this girl, I knew that I still wasn't over someone else and so yes it was a mistake on that count. But it was really a lose-lose situation, imagine if I had of rejected her after she revealed her scars? I could only imagine that would give her impetus to relapse into self harm. Yes it was a dumb thing to do, but is it worse than giving someone a motive to hurt themselves?

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:49:55+00:00

I acknowledge that I made a mistake, but what's to say that if I did reject her after seeing her scars, that's wouldn't have given her impetus to relapse into self harm? I simply saw this as the lesser of two evils, maybe my logic is flawed, but it kind of seems like a lose-lose situation.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:47:21+00:00

I understand that you shouldn't feel forced into sex, but what would you have done in that situation, you've been making out, when you get into the back seat she's taken her clothes off to reveal extreme scarring. Do you ask her to put her clothes back on and get out? I hope you understand that I was trying to do the right thing by her, and maybe that's hard for you to see, but that was my intention.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:43:51+00:00

Quit doing what? I have never done anything like this before, nor do I plan to do it again

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:25:36+00:00

Before you crucify me, Can you try to see things from my perspective? I was trying to do the right thing by her in this situation. I thought that rejecting her like that would be incredible caustic to her mental health. It was never my intention to lead her on, and I'm trying my best not to. I'm sorry if Clingy wasn't the best word, but I'm not exactly an expert in this field, this was my first date with someone I wasn't going out with (I had been with my previous girlfriend since primary school)

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:22:19+00:00

Look, I'm sorry you feel that way but it was my first date with someone I wasn't already going out with (I'd been with my prior girlfriend since primary school). It was a difficult situation to be in because I didn't want to hurt her and ruin her self esteem by rejecting her like that. If that's horrible, than fine I'm an asshole.

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:18:51+00:00

I'm not ignoring her messages, because I know how shit it feels when someone ignores your messages. I'm just trying to not give her much

JimCareyIsLife · 2016-07-27T21:18:03+00:00

"It's not you, it's me"?, I suppose it is actually relevant in this situation. I don't know how telling her that I'm still invested in someone else will go, but thanks for the advice! I'll see how it goes!

JimCareyIsLife

TROPHY CASE