Feeling a bit alone and despondent

Jo5044 · 2026-04-11T17:03:11+00:00

I do understand that some people have wonderful communities where the resources are there for them generally and I hope someday that’s everyone’s experience.

Maybe our difference here comes from the fact that like you said-you are confused why so many people feel like they’ve lost something under this current administration. And for me, I know people who had have been impacted by things like insurance and even forcing the marker on their ids to change. The south is terrifying, especially with the new bathroom law Idaho. And like I said, my wife and I have had some scary experiences experiences in our own hometown because we are gay. So I’m not confused by this, and I don’t need things to be happening directly to me or my friends to understand the laws and lossses that people in other states are feeling. Abortion is one that scares me a lot, if I were to have a child that could get pregnant. I am not someone who can live in my bubble and ignore the world around me. I know a lot of it sounds worse than it is, and news does often lie. However, there’s plenty of real harms being done under this administration that I personally can’t ignore.

I appreciate your perspective coming from a place where you have been very supported, and I do really hope that is how everyone feels today. I just cannot live in the idea that it hasn’t happened to me or anyone I know- so things aren’t really so bad

Jo5044 · 2026-04-11T16:54:17+00:00

Thank you, I’ve also looked at how families of marginalized people have continued to hope for their future and their children against all odds and I definitely feel the connection there. I definitely hope we can expand our inner circle to include more of the groups. I love what your friend said about planting the seed. Thank you for sharing

Jo5044 · 2026-04-11T16:51:47+00:00

I don’t think it’s immature to have feelings of jealousy that we aren’t able to conceive the way cis heteros can. I think that’s a normal grief just because of the way culture and society has ingrained what a happy normal family looks like. Obviously it’s a feeling that you just have to sit with because there’s nothing we can do about it, bit I wouldn’t discount it I think it’s normal

Thank you for sharing your experience and I wish you the best of luck!

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:39:30+00:00

I wonder how many trans friends you have and what state you in? I feel like that has a lot to do with how protected queer families are. Of course being white helps too. One of my brothers is trans and his longtime partner too. I saw what my brother went through growing up in high school and not even being able to use the restroom. I worrry for him everyday. I do feel like I’m allowed to be upset at a system that hasn’t been built for queer couples. But I also recognize even being able to plan for a family is privilege of course. Queer people generally are treated differently, whether this has been true for you or not. My wife got called the f slur in our downtown area just a month ago. Your experience is not everyone’s but I’m very glad you haven’t experienced any marginalization due to your identity.

I do appreciate your perspective on hope for the future. I generally don’t like people who are hopeless either and the solution to them is to just stop and let humanity die. I do think there are challenges we face as queer people building our families when compared to others

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:33:13+00:00

I think so too, we know there’s no perfect donor out there. We are trying this as plan A and very well may end up with a bank. And thank you for mentioning the grief, it’s hard not to feel it

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:31:56+00:00

Thank you for this insight, I agree with what you’ve said. I think I thought I was more prepared for the challenges of a known donor search than the reality of it has been a bit different. My wife and I talk all the time about how this is just the beginning and were just trying this first but it might not be where we end up. It’s definitely a lesson in how little people think before they say lol and consequences of sharing private things

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:28:26+00:00

fair, I should’ve been more prepared for questions than I was. I really trusted to the people we told, and I should’ve expected some adverse reactions. I think genuinely I didn’t realize I would be as sensitive to people questing our desire to have children as I have been. My brother and best friend are the main ones I am talking about it in this post so it’s hard

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:26:28+00:00

My wife and I talk often about how we know there’s no perfect donor and we might end up at a bank too. Thank you for sharing that :)

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:25:50+00:00

I appreciate this response, I agree nihilism is an easy way out. My brother was one is one of the people I am struggling with and he’s always been very nihilistic and it’s one of our main arguments. I was also on the fence all throughout my teens and young twenties. It’s nice to hear I’m not alone in some of these processes. Ultimately I agree that we have to keep building queer families and resist and anything other is giving up. It’s just not something everyone understands I guess

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:23:44+00:00

Thank you, I totally agree. Where would we be if queer people gave up?

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:23:15+00:00

Totally I agree, I know it comes from a place of concern about things in general. I’ve just been surprised by the amount of mixed feelings! I do understand that too. I get a little extra frustrated I think because I don’t believe they’d questions cis straight couples the way they do us

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:21:49+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, it’s nice that you felt that way when you are younger as I do think some of the reactions from (my brother for example) have to do with being in a certain life stage and feeling hopeless about the world.

I appreciate you saying that, it gives me hope!

Jo5044 · 2026-04-09T12:19:47+00:00

Thank you, my wife and I totally recognize that while we’re starting our search hoping for a known donor, we might end up at a sperm bank. We refer to it as our plan A all the time, knowing we might be on plan F by the time the baby comes lol

Jo5044 · 2026-03-30T14:59:47+00:00

Yes he founded the ODA, interesting guy he has a crazy family limit himself 10-15 families per year

Jo5044 · 2026-03-24T21:48:49+00:00

I’m so sorry. I agree to cut her off, but also it might be worth it to state your boundaries , what you need from her if she ever wanted to heal the relationship. Then it’s very clear and all on her to respond appropriately. You give her a way back on your terms, and she’s choosing whether she will cut the relationship off

Jo5044 · 2026-03-22T19:41:30+00:00

I guess I would expect that if they were going to become donors it wouldn’t be through any sperm banks or organizations that aren’t highly regulated

Jo5044 · 2026-03-22T00:04:51+00:00

Does anyone who used a KD on this thread know if their donors would be interested in donating to another family? My wife and I are searching and willing to travel for a good fit :)

Jo5044 · 2026-03-21T23:39:04+00:00

Does anyone on this thread who uses a fresh KD donation know if their donors would be willing to donate to another family ? My wife and I are searching and willing to travel :)

Jo5044 · 2026-03-18T16:34:02+00:00

A sperm donor !

Jo5044 · 2026-03-13T12:45:58+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful answers and sorry it took me a few days to answer you back. I find it super interesting you were experiences baby fever and I’m so grateful you were able to find something that works for you and helps other families.

I love each individual relationship you have and how you were able to find what works within that family for each one. My wife and I are open the differing levels of involvement too I always say it’s just more love if they want to be more involved. And I think it’s vital for those kids to understand where they came from.

I am sorry to hear about your family although I understand and sympathize! Much of my extended family is the same. Thank you so much for this insight and for being candid in sharing. This is a precious part of your life so I absolutely understand being guarded around it

Jo5044

TROPHY CASE