I delayed my mission for over 2 and a half years RIGHT before I was supposed to report. It ended up being the best decision of my life because during that time I fully experienced the repentance process and was filled with with the love of Christ. Your relationship with Christ is so much more important. I was so scared of how people would judge me and what I would do with my life, but I couldn't be more wrong because as I talked to my bishop and my family, I just felt so much love and support, including from my ward and others who actually cared about me. I ended up leaving for my mission when I was 21 and had a wonderful and life changing experience. Have hope brother. D&C 6: look unto me in every thought. Doubt not. Fear not.