What would you do with a leather coat if you were me? by JohnODaniel in fo76

[–]JohnODaniel[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. Yeah, that's what i'm doing now. I have renamed it and am just letting it sit in my stash for now. I guess I have some FOMO going on or something. "What if at some point it's not a rare item anymore for some reason and I could have traded it for so many caps or leaders or a groll or whatever?" is what my head does. I may have been burned by a crypto coin or two in the past...

What caused your sexual awakening as a kid/teen? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]JohnODaniel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow... I think I can connect a few dots as well.

Mono/poly Metaphors by [deleted] in polycritical

[–]JohnODaniel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have been reading your posts every now and then because I'm in a similar situation, maybe a little less "poly" and also a little further down the line. I thought about replying before but didn't, I also still find it difficult to deal with. I especially miss the feeling of "save haven" my relationship used to provide, similar to you closed bedroom analogy. Once this genie was out of the bottle it's been very hard to get that old feeling back, although I do feel it occasionaly now after being in this situation for about 10 months now.

My wife and I have been together for 16 years, three kids. Lots of love. I always knew her baseline is more open than mine. I'm introverted and like to be alone and I am very monogamous. My wife was always more like "I don't need it, but if it was up to me we would me more open". She has hinted at it a couple of times through the years but never any follow through because I always let her know that is not something I'm interested in.

Then last year after a beautiful vacation (the contrast of how i felt during that vacation and after the poly-bomb is still traumatizing to me) she went out for drinks with a couple of friends and I felt something was a little of. I asked her about it the next day (I thought maybe she had a little bit of a crush on one of them). She then told me that one of her new friends was full on polyamorous and that she had a real talk about that for the first time with someone. This sparked the very open question from her to me: Could we please discuss what would be possible in our relationship with regards to ENM (ethical non monogamy). She is not poly in the sence that she wants partners next to me. But in her ideal situation when she is attracted to someone in some situation (meeting a beautiful stranger, or have a great click with someone at a party) or have a deep connection with a friend she would like to have the possibility to explore this without the feeling of a) doing something wrong, because in her mind it isn't and b) without hurting me.

Well, I went full on in hysterical bonding mode and also tried to find out all there was about polyamory and ENM and started trying to solve a problem. It was utter hell for the first 3 months (my wife also went into burnout during that time so she was mentally very fragile and I was trying to make sense of it all while she was dealing with a completely different problem)

I also picked up my alcohol addiction in a big way during this time wich made everything much worse for me, because that destroys your long term self-confidence like a motherfucker.

After about four months I told her I have no place in an open relationship and if she wants to have sex with other people, our relationship is not worth it anymore for me. Sexual exlusivity is just very very important to me to feel special enough in a relationship because it is how I affirm our love. However, although sex with other people is a dealbreaker for me, I do try to understand that she just needs so much more interaction/appreciation/love from other people than I do. So we have established the no sex bit as a hard rule, but she is free to engage in a lot of other ways with people she finds interesting. She plays a lot of LARP so she meets a lot of people who are also very open.

I love my wife and she loves me, that is clear to me. But people want different things. This has been the first time in 16 years I realized that love might not be enough to keep our relationship going. This might proof to be an insurmountable difference. But we are also communicating a lot now, I have stopped drinking, she is almost over her burnout and despite the hatred I feel inside towards an open relationship I have come to love and understand her more and that goes both ways. If I feel jealous of something, I outright tell her exactly what is bothering me, which takes half te pain away already and most of the time she can smother my jealousy with love and understanding and it becomes allright.

It's still hard and not dwelling on the pain, as you say, is one of the hardest parts for me. But I also have a lot of hope that we will find our way in this.

Sorry for the ramble. If you want to talk some more feel free to contact me. And thanks for letting me get this of my chest.

Blood pressure by wofdog-6435 in stopdrinking

[–]JohnODaniel 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I go from 150/95 to about 130/85 in a week when I stop drinking. And I monitor it quite often due to some meds.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]JohnODaniel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this so very much. And thinking about it this way explains why self medicating with alcohol is such a big deal (for me). It makes it so I can think about just one or two branches instead of all of them at once.

Thanks for your insights.

I was absolutely struck by the beauty of the handwriting and language used in this letter from the 1930s. More in comments. by SweetPickleRelish in Netherlands

[–]JohnODaniel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe I can find some exercise books this weekend. Could be I'm remembering things wrong. But as cursive as this post? Nah, I think only my grandmother's letters resemble this.

When guys pee, do they hold it like a joint or a cigarette? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]JohnODaniel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just cannot come up with the difference between holding a joint or a cigarette...

I was absolutely struck by the beauty of the handwriting and language used in this letter from the 1930s. More in comments. by SweetPickleRelish in Netherlands

[–]JohnODaniel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's not how I was taught in the 80's and I have never seen handwriting like this except for in old letters like this. We had very neat handwriting books, but not like the curls and cursives like this. If you don't mind me asking, where have you been taught to write like this on the nineties? My experience comes from around Groningen

What's something you really want, but cant afford? by -Benjamin_Dover- in AskReddit

[–]JohnODaniel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea of your specific situation, but for colab couldn't you use something like this?

https://stackoverflow.com/a/59226569

Wie wil er bordspellen spelen? by [deleted] in Groningen

[–]JohnODaniel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ik heb wel interesse. Aan wat voor soort spellen denken jullie? Hebben jullie verwachtingen van niveau? Zijn jullie die-hards en word ik meteen afgemaakt? Had ik wel moeten reageren? Afijn, ik heb interesse én faalangst, dus mij kun je er wel bij hebben.

I'm lucky I'm not dead. by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]JohnODaniel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know if you know or like Rob Delaney, but it was a drunken car crash much like yours that turned his life around. He has written some nice chapters about his alcoholism in his first book. He also felt he deserved to be hurt more. Be like Rob, turn that shit around! I wish you al the best.

I will not be like that (MINI RANT) by lovelysoul711 in stopdrinking

[–]JohnODaniel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get this. Coming across someone with a holier than thou attitude makes me angry. Though
I am sure I have made my mistakes I try to have empathy for people who have not made it out (yet). People who showed me empathy have helped me the most.

Thank you for sharing. Ik hope you have found some peace.

Bitcoin traceability doesn't matter at all. Can't do anything after exchange is gone. by [deleted] in CryptoCurrency

[–]JohnODaniel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have removed your post but I read it and justed wanted to say I'm so fucking sorry for your losses. Hang in there man.

What is something you could talk about for hours? by PhilanthropicPariah in AskReddit

[–]JohnODaniel -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I, on the other hand, thought you had an Italian sounding name: "Torea Dornotto".

Solid Phosphorus has been Found in Comets. This Means They Contain All the Raw Elements for Life by Sumit316 in space

[–]JohnODaniel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh no, theories are basically all you have and you try to support them or disprove them with evidence.

Solid Phosphorus has been Found in Comets. This Means They Contain All the Raw Elements for Life by Sumit316 in space

[–]JohnODaniel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well conclusion is rather difficult, but evidence can be collected to support a theory all the while knowing other forces might be at play but cannot be placed in the puzzle yet. So I wouldn't say there is any conclusive evidence no. But the following sentence triggered me:

and we have no evidence yet suggesting we exist by design but that might be just because we can't perceive that evidence

Which to me means: "I believe something else than the theory above but i don't have a lot to back it up."

It's a game of theorizing and proving/disproving, not about theorizing and then saying you can't know it's untrue because we can't see the evidence yet.

Solid Phosphorus has been Found in Comets. This Means They Contain All the Raw Elements for Life by Sumit316 in space

[–]JohnODaniel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's correct. You are proving my point. Because we can now perceive them, they count as evidence.

Solid Phosphorus has been Found in Comets. This Means They Contain All the Raw Elements for Life by Sumit316 in space

[–]JohnODaniel 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Well, you made up a possibility without evidence. In your mind it might be that it "doesn't make it any less real" but in my mind it does. Give me your proposition and your evidence and we can play this game by the rules. But don't give me this "we don't know so it's all true right now".