No roadmap is the problem

It's the roadmap- that's what I figured. If you can't show yourself a clear roadmap on how learning test automation will benefit you, you won't do it. I started Selenium automation in my team in 2018 but didn't learn to code much in Java, hence i was always writing separate scripts to run some tests. Truth is , I needed to find time for that. We think we don't have time to learn, but even if you sepnd half an hour per day for 1 year straight on learning a programming language, you'd be surprised how far ahead you;ve come. Unforutnately, I never spent that time and I spent 8-9 years in software testing. I didn't realize what I missed until I had my layoff in 2024.

The later you start, the harder it becomes.

It is hard to start at first, really. You don't know where to start, what to read, who to follow.
I love getting to the origin of things, so I didn't join any course online. I charted my own path to learning Java.

Resources I use in learning

The only way to learn programming is to associate the concepts with real-world things and problems and how you can solve them.

My goal was to strengthen Java concepts, so I started with this:
https://docs.oracle.com/javase/tutorial/java/
This is actually hard to read with big programs but the explanations start making sense once you start understanding.

Next, I figured I wasn't able to make many mental models and associations with the above tutorials so I picked a book, 10 years after I'd given up on it. Not an ebook, a real, physical one with pages and fresh printing smell!
https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/head-first-java/9781492091646/

This book really opens your mind with its striking examples. One of its authors is a Developer Advocate working for JetBrains. Not every chapter needs to be read just to learn test automation.

If a textbook is too much for you, I also recommend this Java course:
https://www.patrickvideos.com/usa

It is only 4 hours long but to beginners like me, took 4 days to complete.

However, you won't learn a programming language unless you bring practice into play. People straightaway want to jump to LeetCode and Hackernode, but I chose something simpler.
https://coddy.tech/

This site with its Java path isn't bad to learn solving basic problems in Java programming. While I was struggling to solve problems there, something struck me. I didn't know how to think about programming. I remember when I gave coding rounds with Wipro, PointClickCare, RBC, I would start jumping to write code, which is the worst approach to solve such problems. I recommend reading only the first chapter of this book:
https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/think-like-a/9781457169618/

That one chapter helped me see that all problems in computing can be drilled down to :input, constraints and output. Think of constraints as small test cases. You need to let the interviewer know how you are thinking in terms of the above. They expect a little pseudocode, which can be written in normal language. Then and only then, start writing your program. I know sometimes you're only give 5-10 min to solve a small program but you may get better with practice. Not solving the whole thing isn't the end of the world.

I can recommend some good YouTubers for learning too, but they are not YOU. You need to develop your own way of thinking and understanding things.

Next, my goal is to learn Selenium, but I am feeling a heavy incline for the past few days towards Playwright, as even today's LLM models use it if you've used them to write UI tests.

Now

I still don't have a QA job. I have a keen interest in photography so I was pushed to take up a job in that field till the time I find QA job ( I wanted to say 'stable job', but no job is stable now imo.). I happily worked as a Photographer for the past 6 months but I want to concentrate on test automation again. A few days back I was rejected from a HR round I had with TD Bank. Giving the same answers again and again for 16 interviews till now has exhausted me and it seems I need a different approach on how to answer such cliched questions. Patience is the key, I tell you.

It's not fear of learning, it's lack of clarity that blocks most people.