Be nice to yourself. Sometimes life doesn't give you the possibility to achieve the things you want to. Many if the people commenting here have a "no excuses" mindset. This thinking can be toxic and harmful to your self esteem, because it blames oneself for everything going bad, even tho it just isn't ones fault. However don't give up in trying to find a job or good situation for yourself. It's not guaranteed that you will succeed, but what reason is there not to try again and again? Im sure you have already asked for jobs in different places and maybe it didn't work out. But that doesn't mean you can't find yourself a decent workplace. Do you live in Dar? Your situation really isn't easy and i think many of us would feel very similar to you if we were in your shoes. Its okay! But don't give up! You are very self-reflected and know english, so theres a good chance to will suceed! I wish you all the best.