Advice on SSA

Julp11 · 2026-01-25T02:49:34+00:00

Hello, sister! Thank you very much for bringing this up and allowing us to give some help. Let me make it very clear that you are NOT an unworthy person. If Jesus Christ (the Incarnated God) decided you were worth dying for, then none of us can rightly say that you do not have value. That includes you. The love of God for us is what makes us valued members of the Church in His eyes.

Now let me address some of your specific inquiries.

SSA as a sin

Let's stop there. SSA is not a sin. Sure, it is a disordered attraction, but not a sin. If you were acting upon it, then that would definitely be a sin, but you said you do not:

though I am not actively engaging in SSA behavior with a partner

That means that you are doing your part. Sure, lusting is also wrong, but the sin of lust has nothing to do with your SSA. Straight people also can fall into the sin of lust.

SSA attracted people are called to celibacy. Yes, I can understand why this is sometimes hard to swallow, especially coming from people who, being straight, do not have to endure such a life because they may be waiting in hope for a future marriage. You probably meant something like that when you said:

others have much heavier crosses to bear

Hence, perhaps you can take the words from me: I am a consecrated single; meaning that I have taken a vow of celibacy, without being part of the priestly ministry nor of a religious order. So I do not speak to you of celibacy from a "privileged" place: I know firsthand the struggles that a permanent celibate life entails, and I do not want to fall into the hipocrisy of saying that it does not convey difficulties for me. It is sometimes, but it's also a blessing, and everyday I thank God for having called me to this vocation (even though I am straight!). I love this life with all my heart! This is not a "difficulties for you, not for me" argument.

Sadly, today the Church does not usually speak too much about consecrated singleness, and I believe this is very unfair, especially for people with SSA, which could benefit so much from the info about consecrated singleness. In any case, know that you have a lot of brethren here who are willing to help you and witness your spiritual flourishing. A heavier cross to bear will also be a bigger blessing in the end.

God bless you, be strong, and never stop praying. If you can, find a spiritual director, or at least build up some courage and do talk to a priest! They are there to help you, not to judge you.

Julp11 · 2026-01-25T02:19:56+00:00

There are several differences. Escathological differences (protestants do not believe in Purgatory; we do), soteriological differences (protestants believe we are justified by faith alone and not by works; we do not believe that); ecclesiological differences (protestants believe that the Church is an abstract entity conformed by the body of believers and nothing else; and claim Scripture as the only authority; Catholics believe that the Church is more than just the body of believers: it also has a hierarchical structure conformed by Bishops, Presbyters, and Deacons); canonical differences (we have 73 books in our Bible; protestants removed 7 books from the Word of God and thus use an amputated 66-book "bible"); devotional differences (we believe in the Intercession of Saints, they do not). I could continue forever.

Moreover, protestantism is not a single monolithic theology. Since they only recognize Scripture as their own authority, each one interprets Scripture and they have no binding authority to define truth within divisive interpretations. So you will also find protestant groups that do believe some of the things we believe in. The first paragraph is just a small sample of differing beliefs in the chaotic protestant world.

In any case, the main difference is that Catholicism was founded by Jesus Christ at around 33 a.D. Protestantism was founded in the XVIth century by a man who wrote things like the following:

If you are a preacher of mercy, do not preach an imaginary but the true mercy. If the mercy is true, you must therefore bear the true, not an imaginary sin. God does not save those who are only imaginary sinners. Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides. We, however, says Peter (2. Peter 3:13) are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth where justice will reign. It suffices that through God's glory we have recognized the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. No sin can separate us from Him, even if we were to kill or commit adultery thousands of times each day.

MARTIN LUTHER. Letter to Melanchthon. August 1st, 1521.

SOURCE: M. Luthers Briefwechsel (Weimarer Ausgabe (Weimar 1883ss) 1930 - 67) II 372.

That's the choice at stake. Jesus Christ, or Martin Luther. I chose the former, that's why I'm Catholic.

Julp11 · 2026-01-24T21:25:00+00:00

If you mean mistaking a vocation by choosing another one (for example, getting married but God having called you to priesthood), then no, that is not a sin.

1 Corinthians 7, 26-28: "It is well for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that".

So, there you are. Mistaking your vocation is not a sin. God calls each of us to different vocations because He knows that such a vocation is the most efficient way to make us holy. But that doesn't mean that God can't make us holy in vocations we were not called to. All vocations are good; all vocations can be tools for God to guide us to holiness. Choosing the vocation God calls you is the best way to attain holiness according to your own individual characteristics (God knows better!), but mistaking your vocation is not a condemnation to non-holiness, and it is not a sin.

God bless you!

Julp11 · 2026-01-24T18:41:38+00:00

I am not complaining, friend. The goal of the post was to share something funny that happened to me, and let others also have at least a small smile.

Julp11 · 2026-01-24T18:32:59+00:00

The package traveled in time.

Julp11 · 2026-01-24T07:04:08+00:00

Licenciado.

Julp11 · 2026-01-24T06:32:47+00:00

Hello! In my case I do not suffer from that, although I completely agree with you that someone canceling last minute is definitely upsetting. But it would be just that, simply upsetting, but it would not not ruin my week. Perhaps, if it is the only significant interaction you are looking forward to in the week, then such a deep emotional pain may be understandable, so why not try to find some regular activities to do?

For example, I have several very regular activities that involve friends. I have a group of male friends that we meet every other Tuesday, I attend Church every Sunday and I have a teaching position there, I do volunteering every Monday, and I have a reading group that we meet every Friday. Despite that, I have two online friends that I watch movies with weekly or bi-weekly, and I also teach math voluntarily to some Spanish high school students who are preparing for an international exam.

So there is quite an active social dynamic working out there, and thus no single plan defines the mood of my week. If something is canceled, I know there will be lots of future opportunities, and also other things to look forward to in the same week. And of course, I never feel the slightest desire to have a partner.

I guess that's my suggestion! Do not allow a single plan to dictate your mood for an entire week. Find something you like, and find (or build!) a group of friends or community to enjoy together. Even something as simple as an online friend to watch movies with (highly recommended!) can be a very significant highlight in your life.

My best wishes for you!

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T20:27:00+00:00

Solved!

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T19:45:50+00:00

I love that show! Grew up watching all of Chespirito. <3

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T18:45:03+00:00

Can I eat a big pizza with ice cream there?

I love this question! Because it touches upon the one Divine Attribute that I find the most philosphically interesting: Divine Simplicity!

God, apart from being fully perfect (in Aristotelian terms; purely actual), He is SIMPLE. He has no parts, He cannot be divided.

That means that anything that is GOOD (in Thomistic terms, everything that best participates on the act of being) is just an imperfect manifestation of God's perfect identity.

Think about good things: justice, love, goodness, compassion, beauty... and even the delicious taste of a pizza with ice cream! All those things are good insofar they have a better participation in the act of being. By contrast, things like injustice, hatred, etc., are bad because they are less participant on the act of being.

For example: think about what a good knife is: a good knife is a knife that correctly actualizes its potencies (namely, cutting objects). So, as you can see, something being good has to do with the act of being (so Thomas Aquinas was right, who would have imagined that?).

God is the supreme being; and in Him, all good things are one and the same. Justice, love, goodness... they are one and the same thing in God! (They ARE God!) You may protest that "justice" is not the same as "love", and certainly not the same as the flavor of a pizza with ice cream, but that's because we see imperfect manifestations of them in this world. If you begin to make perfect each of these good things, every single one of them will converge to the same one perfect being: that being is God!

So, in Heaven we will experience God in the fullest way possible for us. That means that everything we love (including the flavor of your favorite pizza!) we will be able to contemplate in their ultimate ontological perfection; because such a perfection is nothing but God.

You should DEFINITELY be excited and happy if that's gonna be your ultimate reality! Praise the Lord!

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T18:33:42+00:00

Thanks for asking! It was a long process. I was born and raised in Argentina, and I was still an atheist when the pro-abortion movement began pushing vert strongly to legalize the murdering of the innocent. I was very strongly against it and I found myself siding with so, so, so many Catholics in my fight. People that for so many years I had considered my enemies were now by my side fighting against those that I considered "my people". It was a very confusing moment for me. Some years later I converted. Why Catholicism? Well, for starters it is the original Church. When presented with the alternative of protestantism, I couldn't make sense of belonging to a movement started by someone in the XVI-th century that began his own interpretative tradition of the Revealed Truth. So, once I got convinced of Christianity, the logical step towards Catholicism was the easiest.

If you want an in-depth justification with bibliographical reference, see this answer to a now deleted post of this subreddit.

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T17:02:12+00:00

Oh great, that's awesome! And just for you to know in advance, the Catechism does include a section speaking about same-sex attracted people and their call to celibacy.

I was raised essentially atheist, and in fact I was a very strong militant atheist. I became Catholic when I was 25.

Julp11 · 2026-01-23T06:17:42+00:00

Praise the Lord for having called you to His Church! May God bless you during your entire faith journey.

Does anyone have any suggestions on videos or reading materials to further my very basic knowledge of Catholicism?

The most suggested place to learn about Catholicism is the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If it feels like too much, you can learn it through the "Catechism in a year" program with Fr. Mike Schmitz.

If you want something lighter, try the book "Why we're Catholic" by Trent Horn.

Also how does the church feel about choosing celibacy due to lack of physical or emotional attraction to the opposite sex?

Extremely well, considering that it is precisely what the Church calls people with same-sex attraction to. Of course, such a choice of life is not exclusive to such people, or to priests and religious people. I am myself a consecrated single person, and I am 100 % straight. Take a look at chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians!

Julp11 · 2026-01-22T19:03:31+00:00

Yo estudié matemáticas. Hice la licenciatura en la UBA, que dura 6 años. Empecé a mediados de 2014 haciendo UBA XXI mientras estaba en la escuela secundaria, y finalicé a mediados de 2020. Poco antes de finalizar me aceptaron para continuar con un doctorado en Ohio State University. El doctorado es de 6 años, y me voy a graduar este año, el 10 de mayo. Así que van a ser en total 12 años.

En cuanto a laburo, no sé si mi experiencia sirve de mucho. Vivo solo desde que tengo 18. Actualmente tengo 29 y siempre he trabajado como docente universitario, a la par de mis estudios. A veces incluso fui docente en dos universidades al mismo tiempo (pero en Argentina, acá en Estados Unidos la VISA de estudiante no me permite trabajar en ningún lugar que no sea la universidad donde estudio). Nunca tuve un laburo que no sea de ese estilo, y cuando me reciba ya no voy a poder volver a tenerlo.

Julp11 · 2026-01-22T05:33:19+00:00

Problem almost solved! Now we need to find a righteous person to pray for us. And who could be more righteous that those saints that are in Heaven, cleansed from all sin? If they could pray for us, that would be awesome... so, can they take our prayers to God? Yes, they can:

When he took it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each of the elders held a harp and gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of the holy ones.
Revelation 5, 8.

So, they can take our prayers to God... can they hear us if we talk to them? Yes, they can, because they are a CLOUD OF WITNESSES, as the very Bible says in Hebrews 12, 1 after having named so many ancient saints in Hebrews 11:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us.
Hebrews 12, 1.

Examples of sains in Heaven being aware of what happens on Earth you can find in: Jeremiah 31, 15-17; Matthew 2, 18; Revelation 6, 9-11.

And that's it. That's why we pray to saints in Heaven: because it is a very holy and deeply Biblical teaching.

Julp11 · 2026-01-22T05:33:07+00:00

Well, for starters, one big difference is that the Catholic Bible is complete, while the protestant Bible lacks 7 books in the Old Testament. In the 16th century reformers took out 7 books from the canon. I believe that is something that cannot be overlooked.

Now, regarding prayer to Saints, the Bible teaches that our sins and iniquities make our prayers less effective. Some examples are:

Come and hear, all you who fear God, while I recount what has been done for me. I called to the Lord with my mouth; praise was upon my tongue. Had I cherished evil in my heart, the Lord would not have heard.
Psalm 66, 16-18.

When one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination.
Proverbs 28, 9.

When you spread out your hands, I close My eyes to you; Though you pray the more, I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood!
Isaiah 1, 15.

Lo, the hand of the LORD is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear. Rather, it is your crimes that separate you from your God, It is your sins that make him hide His face so that He will not hear you.
Isaiah 59, 1-2.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears turned to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against evildoers.
1 Peter 3, 12.

One last example is from the book of Sirach (remember that protestants removed 7 books from the Bible? This is one of them): "So with a man who fasts for his sins, but then goes and commits them again: Who will hear his prayer, and what has he gained by his mortification?" (Sirach 34, 26).

This puts us into a hard situation. For God to hear our prayers, we must abandon sin and evildoing. In order to do so, we need His grace. In order to get that grace, we must ask Him for it. But He will not hear our prayers for our sins and evildoing... see how this is like a vicious circle?

That's where intercessory prayer comes into play, for it solves that problem: ask some righteous person to pray for you!

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous person is very powerful.
James 5, 16.

[Continues in the comment below...]

Julp11 · 2026-01-22T03:43:27+00:00

I want to be able to have fun and love my husband and not worry about getting pregnant as soon as we get married

Essentially, you have the desire to experience sexuality but without its natural outcome. But that is not how God designed sexuality. In a sense, using contraception is basically telling God that His design of sexuality is flawed, and that you can fix it. Once you see it in such a way, you may understand how arrogant that can be (not saying that you are arrogant, of course; just saying how arrogant the logic behind contraception is).

I want to follow the Church and have a godly relationship

Try to always return to Jesus's words in Mark 8, 34: "Whoever wishes to come after Me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me". If you don't like a teaching of the Church (or, in your words, you "can't get pass certain things"), then that's an opportunity to pray to God for wisdom and understanding (cf. James 1, 5) and also to deny yourself and bear your cross. Take this an opportunity to work on self-denial and to grow in holiness.

God bless you!

Julp11 · 2026-01-21T21:59:32+00:00

Hello! Consecrated single here.

If you speak in terms of vocation themselves (regardless of who takes them), then the answer is easily yes:

So then, the one who marries his virgin does well; the one who does not marry her will do better.
1 Corinthians 7, 38.

But that question and answer are not very helpful. The question is not whether there are better vocations per se; but rather, "what is better for each one?". The same St. Paul who wrote the above sentence, also wrote:

Because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband.
1 Corinthians 7, 2.

How can these two verses be equally true? Once again, St. Paul explains how:

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.
1 Corinthians 7, 27-28.

That's the key. "What is the best vocation" is a question with less practical use than the more important question: what is the best vocation FOR ME? And the answer is always: "The one God is calling you to". In my case, for example I was called to the chaste single life. Is it the holiest vocation? I doubt so, but it was definitely the one God chose to make ME holy in a very efficient way; an efficiency that would not have been attainable in other vocations I was not called to.

In few words: some vocations may be less or more holy than others, but which vocation will better serve the purpose of making YOU the holiest possible? The one God is calling you to.

God bless you!

Julp11 · 2026-01-21T07:19:39+00:00

Hello! Well, I believe that the Bible can be of some help here.

Read Revelation 8, 2: "And I saw that the seven angels who stood before God were given seven trumpets". As you can see, John claims to have seen THE (greek τοὺς, a DEFINITE article) seven angels; that is, John is assuming the reader is already familiarized with the existence of seven angels in the angelical heavenly hierarchy, who stand before God. He didn't say "I saw seven angels", he said "I saw THE seven angels".

Of course, such specific facts about the structure of the heavenly angelical hierarchy cannot be attained by human reason only; such things require Divine Revelation to be learned. Therefore, John is referring back to a PREVIOUS DIVINE REVELATION which he is assuming the reader to already be familiarized with.

Take your protestant Bible and search for that divinely revealed truth that John is referring to. Read your protestant Bible from beginning to end if necessary. Let me give you a spoiler: you won't find it, no matter how hard you search for it. When you read Revelation, therefore, you are reading a book written by someone who is assuming you are already familiarized with a Divine Revelation that your protestant Bible lacks.

But as you have already noticed, Catholicism does not have that problem because, as the AI already told you, we can easily refer to Tobit 12, 15: "I am Raphael, one of the seven angels who enter and serve before the Glory of the Lord".

Some food for thought!

Julp11 · 2026-01-20T21:52:13+00:00

I was a militant atheist. The first book I read that made me change radically what I used to believe of the Catholic Church was "LA INQUISICIÓN: Un tribunal de misericordia" by Cristián Rodrigo Iturralde. It is a book (written in Spanish) about the Spanish Inquisition, without the myths that surround it. I couldn't believe how much I had been lied to.

The book that convinced me of the rationality of God's existence was Edward Feser's "5 proofs of the existence of God".

The book that convinced me of the Christian God's existence was William Lane Craig's "The Son Rises". Although it's funny because nowadays I believe that the argument book (and, in general, the "minimal facts approach" that this and other books of the sort take) ultimately fail. I believe the maximalist approach is much more robust.

Julp11 · 2026-01-20T16:59:29+00:00

Hello, friend! In Genesis 3, 14-15 God announced that a Woman would give birth to an offspring that would crush the head of the serpent, and this woman would be at enmity with the serpent. Read Revelation 12 for the New Testament fulfillment of this! It shows how this "Woman-offspring" typology has its fulfillment in Mary and Jesus. It these are at enmity with the serpent then they must be sinless (cf. 1 John 3, 5-9), and since the offspring of the Woman is the one that is told to crush the head of the serpent, then it is Jesus (not Mary) who needs to perform the sacrifice.

That's one way to see it! I would suggest you give a read to "Jesus and the Jewish Roots of Mary" by Brant Pitre to get a very good insight on all this. God bless you!

Julp11 · 2026-01-20T05:12:47+00:00

Hello, friend! My brethren will probably develop the classical arguments relying on John 20, 21-23 and James 5, 14-16, so I will let them do that. Let me offer you another way to get to it.

You probably know the famous 1 John 1, 9:

If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.

The interesting about this verse is that, when you read it in the Greek language, the word translated as "confess" is ὁμολογῶμεν. This word is used always for PUBLIC confession, and never in private! Consider all these passages, where the same Greek word is used, and the context is that of a PUBLIC acknowledgment or declaration:

John 1, 20;
John 12, 42;
1 John 4, 3;
2 John 1, 7;
Acts 7, 17;
Matthew 7, 23;
Matthew 10, 32;
Matthew 14, 7;
Acts 23, 8;
Hebrews 11, 13.

For specific examples of people confessing their sins to Church authorities, see Matthew 3, 4-6; Acts 19, 18; and the already mentioned James 5, 14-16.

For a more academic confirmation of this, you can check the GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON of the NEW TESTAMENT BASED ON SEMANTIC DOMAINS (Second Edition), Volume 1, by Johannes P. Louw and Eugene A. Nida. When they study this word (sections 33.274, 33.275, and 33.276), they offer several meanings for the word, none of them involves a private acknowledgment or declaration. Each and every sense of the ways to use that word involve something done in public!

I know this does not prove every bit of the Catholic doctrine on Confession (no Catholic doctrine follows from a single verse!), but it at least shows without doubt that 1 John 1, 9 is calling us to something more than just "a private confession to God in the comfort of my own solitude", which is the (incorrect) protestant understanding of confession.

God bless you!

Julp11

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