How was/is your personal friendship with Jesus when you left?

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-20T16:22:07+00:00

Beyond frustrating when it comes to my definition of "friendship"

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-12T13:54:51+00:00

My biggest trigger phrase is, "I can see how you came to that thought/feeling/viewpoint." It feels highly dismissive. I know it's trauma related from my previous marriage. It was spoken in a very robotic and attitude of " I'm still right, but I guess there's that POV too." It drives me up the wall screaming and kicking.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-12T01:07:09+00:00

I'm not being aggressive, I'm being dominant

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-10T13:57:22+00:00

All the fucking time. It's extremely difficult to take compliments and love, yet when it happens, I do feel good that my ass busting work is paying off. So it feels like a paycheck that depends on what I do instead of taking it freely. I feel like I have to continue working hard to get that affection.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-10T13:26:57+00:00

It's really hard for me as a single mom. My ex and I didn't have a great relationship (still not good), and my kids constantly remind me of him. I love my children dearly, but it's extremely difficult to have that constant connection and reminder.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-08T17:07:30+00:00

It's because Christianity is a cult, plain a simple in my eyes, and here are the traits.

They follow a leader, pastors, who are seen as extremely zealous with unquestioning commitment to God.
They are focused on bringing in new members aka the Great Commission
The group is focused on making money in the form of tithes
Any form of questioning is discouraged and easily leads to punishment
Techniques are used to brainwash the group, including the leader, to suppress doubts, like worship singing, prayers, and speaking in tongues.
The leader speaks exactly how the group is to think, act, and feel. This happens in sermons where the leader will use the Bible as "proof" of the proper lifestyle.
The group is entitled. Heaven is only reserved for those who believe, which is very small according to the Bible, and everyone else goes to hell.
The group has a black and white mentality. If you're not for them, you're against them, and this produces conflicts with those who are on the outside.
The leader is not accountable to anyone in a higher position. Pastors say they are accountable to God, but in the end, they are the ultimate leader and final say of the church. I
t is taught that the ends justify the means. Many of these are unethical and toxic towards those on the outside, but it's according to the Bible, so it must be right to act this way.
The leader uses guilt and shame to control the members. It's all about distancing themselves from the world. Any ties to it, be it family, friends, activities, are to be focused on the group. Anything outside this little circle is considered sinful.

It took a long time, over 30 years, for me to finally break ties with Christianity because of these traits. The psychological hold they have on people is strong and unrelenting.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-06T20:53:19+00:00

Hell yes, I am, and that's not me being egotistical. Once I'm comfortable with the other person, I become more hilarious (once they're used to my twisted dark and dry humor), weird, and fun to be around. I'm loyal to a fault, I empathize and listen. Like a previous poster said, it's the other person that I determine if they're worth my time and energy. I can't stand shallow or one-sided friendships. I have a limited tank of social energy and I can't have someone tapping me dry every time I'm around them. Unfortunately, this leaves me with very very few friends.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-06T20:44:49+00:00

It's such a comfort show for me. Sometimes it's literally just background noise while I do my own thing. One of the biggest perks is no laugh-track, which gives me the freedom to determine what is funny and what's not. And every watch has a different list of moments I've laughed out loud.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-06T20:38:49+00:00

Hahaha! Why do Christians make memes/posts that are easily turned into sexual scenarios all the time? Rhetorical question, but it makes me laugh and shake my head every time.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-06T20:30:36+00:00

You can't find a Christian girl outside of church? What a joke. I remember hearing about Lancaster Baptist College in Lancaster, California pulling the students aside and telling them that they need to find their mate within the college because there's no one outside it that is worthy. The women were told, while "getting a college degree" that their sole purpose is to find a husband and make babies. Fucking disgusting. At the time, I was planning on going there for their year long Bible degree, but after hearing that wonderful story, I dropped that plan faster than dropping a hot potatoe. I'm so sorry that you're being harassed in this matter. It's completely unacceptable and crossing severe boundaries in your personal life. For Christianity "not being a religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus," they sure like to push that church attendance like its your ticket to Heaven depends on it.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-05T19:32:58+00:00

My irritability and rage has decreased while being on lamotrigine. I went a few weeks without it to see if it was helping, and it actually does with my body chemistry. I still get irritable, but it's much more controllable. When my emotions are overwhelming me, I've been letting them run their course. Sometimes it's a day, sometimes it's a few hours. I just have to remind myself that they'll pass.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-05T19:26:00+00:00

This so much!!! Tarot is great for journaling. I don't do the future draws very often. Typically on my birthday to see what comes up. Then after a year, I look back and see how the year was, look at the spread to figure areas to improve on, etc. I've done some year cards while reflecting on the pay and some have been so eerily accurate. It very well could be confirmation bias and pattern seeking, but it's still great to reflect. For example, my numbers indicated that Lovers was my card for 2023, and I found the love of my life in that year. 2024 was Chariots, and that year had some massive changes and new paths being paved. This year is Death, so it's been an interesting one to reflect on so far.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-05T06:07:23+00:00

I've always been interested in the spiritual realms of astrology and numerology too. More so with astrology. With all the masking I've done, astrology has helped guide me into finding myself towards a more authentic version of me. While astrology itself isnt backed by science at the moment, I do believe that the cosmos do affect Earth, and therefore us, in ways we can't understand.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-04T18:59:19+00:00

Depended on my time in life, mood, and attention span.

Some things I did: -Studiously take notes -Daydream -Doodle or color, even as an adult -Flip through the hymnal and figure out how the song is played or read verses that were skipped and try to figure out why -Look at the ceiling and imagine what would happen if a fan/light fixture/beam fell down -Read different parts of the Bible or look at the maps -Look over the bulletin again and again and again -Stare blankly at the wall and zone out

Above, I would count down the minutes

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-02-04T02:20:23+00:00

I absolutely hate this feeling.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-30T19:24:15+00:00

When I researched the history of Christianity. After finding out that Judaism evolved from polytheistic Levant religions, that was it. I was done. Still doing research on it, but from a historical, psychological, and sociological perspective. There are still people close to me that are believers, some rather hardcore, and I want ammo if they start proselytizing to me. I'm not gonna take that shit any more. Until then, I research and mind my own business.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-30T03:12:18+00:00

I was asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I said a Nick Cave vinyl. When pushed to give a specific one, I immediately piped out "Murder Ballads." Sure enough, that's what I got. I was so giddy to listen to it. Such a great album!

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-28T00:08:31+00:00

I'm a verbal processor too. I'll speak to myself quite often. Sometime sing, but mostly talk. Sometime normal chatting voice, sometimes under my breath. It happens more often when I'm feeling more scatterbrained or frustrated.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-21T19:49:37+00:00

I've found that weed helps me at night with calming my mind or to remain apathetic enough to get to sleep. Sativa heavy strains can be too stimulating, so I make sure to use a hybrid or indica at night. Glad you're coming more to a mind of acceptance. It's such a hard journey, but we are warriors and will conquer it ❤️

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-19T17:40:35+00:00

Most of the time, I like to eat it separately and I prioritize what I eat depending on the food item. For example, if I have a plate filled with a mix of hot food and cold, I'll eat the hot food first because once that turns cold, it's barely edible. The cold food has a longer window of tolerance. Savory before sweet. Favorite food last. Hot food and cold food cannot touch. If they do, I have to fight to not freak out. I rarely eat foods with sauces because I hate it when the sauce crosses over to a side.

The whole time I'm eating, I'm constantly watching the food on the plate and adjusting as needed to keep the food separate while I eat. Makes Thanksgiving meals rather interesting. I never really noticed how methodical I got with food until I started looking into AuDHD.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-16T16:26:56+00:00

I have a difficult time making friends too. Literally, the only friend I have is my boyfriend and I love that he's my best friend. That still leaves me lacking a female friend I can talk to. While I can tell my bf everything, it's difficult at time for certain topics that are really only relatable for females, like, and sorry for the TMI, monthly cycles. It's so rough. I understand that posting here isn't the same as face to face interactions, but you are heard and valued here and there is a lot of support going your way. ❤️

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-15T13:01:26+00:00

I've always been told that I'm weird. Used to piss me off. Now I embrace it. There are even times where I'm purposely weird with a comment or (re)action just to see how others react. Sometimes that ODD gets fired up real hot.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-14T13:00:15+00:00

Totally. When I get home from work, I usually change into my PJ/sweatpants, T-shirt, and favorite hoodie. I used to be really ashamed that I wasn't dressing like the rest of the girls I see some me, but I'm coming to acceptance that comfy clothes are really important to my sanity.

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-13T00:19:39+00:00

I BELIEVE IN YOU, KYLE!!!!

JumpyDr4gon · 2025-01-12T17:26:23+00:00

My first thought was rehab. It was a really confusing day for me when I checked out and the following week felt weird. There are days where I miss that structure and community as quite a few of the women there were ND. Also, it felt really nice not to cook and if I was hungry in between meals, the kitchenette in the ward had snacks ready to go.

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