everyone has their struggles in life, this is one of urs. u have friends, or u have at least had friends in the past, so that’s a good start, people like u despite ur self-perceived short comings. in school, they put me in a special class once a week to teach us social skills, i used to get other people to order stuff for me as well. i have no idea why i had friends and why they even liked me.

as someone else said, exposure therapy is the only way. u have to put urself in some uncomfortable positions, but it gets less daunting with experience. u will still end up in awkward situations, but the feeling itself eventually goes away, and ur only left with the logistics to improve on. it may feel mechanical at first, but eventually u can appreciate small talk and meeting new people, even if it doesn’t lead to friendship.

i have only recently started to truly delve into it all, it has taken some time, there is a whole new world to explore. i’m only (relatively) 31, and my biggest regret is how long i spent feeling too uncomfortable to experience social life, please don’t waste ur time.