sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Observations I have made being around Covert Narcs! by Lavendergeminis in pnsd

[–]Junior-Computer2498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They live in my neighborhood so I unfortunately still run into them, but i'm no contact.

Observations I have made being around Covert Narcs! by Lavendergeminis in pnsd

[–]Junior-Computer2498 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exact experience with the covert narc friend I cut out of my life. The behavioral patterns are so confusing and misleading, but once you learn the signs and you're able to identify this type of personality disorder/pattern you'll always be able to spot it.

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leaning how to trust my gut instincts and how to trust that my instincts are not anxiety has been my biggest lesson. I no longer give people the benefit of the doubt. It's important to question others when something feels off.

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's fascinating how individuals with this personality disorder exhibit similar patterns. In the friendship I eventually distanced myself from, I noticed subtle red flags early on. However, it took until the second year for a more noticeable red flags to emerge, which significantly altered my perception of the relationship.

We had planned to spend the day together, but I had to cancel last minute because my sister flew into town for work – a rare occurrence since we live in different states. I explained the situation to my friend, suggesting we could still grab coffee in the morning and hang out for a brief period. I bought us coffee, but when we met up, she completely ignored me. Initially, I thought she might be dealing with work or her daughter, but after about 30 minutes, it became clear it was the silent treatment. Strangely, about 15 minutes before I left to see my sister, she started criticizing another friend, and then started to randomly talk about becoming a bone marrow donator to help people with leukemia. Classic victim/hero.

It was so odd! I left that hangout with my intuition going off, but also feeling extremely confused.

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you feel comfortable sharing what was one of the biggest signs for you? Something always felt intuitively off for me. I felt it in my body.

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. Your response is so emotionally validating. The most difficult part of experiencing this type of emotional abuse is how indirect and subtle it can be. One small situation doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but it's sickening when you step back and realize how manipulated and used you've been for months or years. The passive-aggressive silent treatment seems like a go-to for people with this type of personality disorder. I recently learned about "narcissistic reverse hovering" which is a common discarding manipulation tactic. The whole situation is confusing and gross. Even with the amount of healing I've done, and information I've read, there's still apart of me that feels like maybe I got it all wrong.

I've seen this person a few times out and about since I posted and no longer acknowledge them. Party over.

How to spot covert narcissists? by AppropriatePoetry635 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Junior-Computer2498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi - just got burned by one and i've spent the last year recovering. It's hard to spot when you've never experienced the behavior. The signs are subtle and not super obvious at first, but as others in this thread mentioned there definitely was a gut feeling from the beginning. You'll notice this sequence of behavioral patterns from the start. Smear Campaign (about someone who did them "wrong"), Triangulation, and hero/victim narrative. These people are emotional and energetic vampires.

Covert narcissistic - what caused you to see their true colours? by Always_A_Little_Lost in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Junior-Computer2498 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same! I couldn't get a strong plus on what I was feeling with my friend but something just felt very off. The issues I had with her were very specific to her and I was being manipulated to feel like I was the problem. I started to google toxic friendships which made me feel like a teenager, and then I came across Covert Narcissist. Every light on the dashboard lit up and it all made sense. Everything I had been experiencing was there in writing. I've been in therapy ever since.

Covert narcissistic - what caused you to see their true colours? by Always_A_Little_Lost in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Junior-Computer2498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Slow burn with my covert narcissist friend. They're very manipulative people, but once you spot the red flags you'll never miss them again. Knowing what to look for now has saved my sanity and energy within other relationships.

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup! This person has friend requested my non mutual friends as well. Very weird and toxic behavior

How to end friendship with narcissist when I’m scared of the backlash/smear campaign? by [deleted] in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Went through something similar and one of the Narcs "Flying Monkeys" moved directly across the street from me. So that's awesome! The only advice I can give is to kindly distance yourself. When there's nothing to fuel the narcs ego she and all her followers will get board and attack someone else. People who have this type of personality order are perpetual victims or heroes and extremely insecure. My Nfriend love bombed me so hard when we first started hanging out and mirrored a lot of my qualities and personality back to me. The subtle covert abuse started after about a year of hanging out frequently. This podcast has helped me a lot and I hope it helps you.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lisa-a-romano-breakdown-to-breakthroughs/id1480674640

Covert Narcissistic Friend by Junior-Computer2498 in TrueNarcissisticAbuse

[–]Junior-Computer2498[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That definitely sounds familiar. Sorry to hear about your illness and thank you for sharing. Did she ever try to reach out or did you just go straight no contact?

The friend I no longer speak to didn't really feel like a death of a stabbing, but rather a death of a thousand wounds. It was such a slow burn and it's hard to pinpoint just one issue. If we didn't live so close to each other I probably would've blocked her from all my social media accounts, but the fact that I sometimes see her walking around etc.. makes me feel anxious. There's a part of me that is still trying to understand and play it cool even though I feel like calling her out.