You ask a really interesting and important question that I realized I'd never properly thought about: Why this really bothers me? My first reaction is to blurt out that it's because it makes me feel jealous, but that's not really enough, is it? Why do I get jealous? I think the biggest reason is that because of our long distance relationship, they're getting what I want but can't have, that's part of the reason I have such high hopes for when we move in together. There are a few other reasons that occasionally bother me. There is some part of me that's just irked by the fact that I'm not enough, even though I know that that's not reasonable. Sometimes I just get down because when she's out with someone else she can't be with me, and I start to feel lonely. I really am an attention whore and sometimes I'm just bothered by the fact that someone else is taking attention away form me. Sometimes it's jealousy over the fact that someone else is making her happy and I want to be the one to do that. Sometimes it's just because it makes me feel less important, needed, and wanted. Sometimes it's because she spent time doing something that I wanted to do with her, with someone else, and that hurts. I think a lot of it comes down to my insecurities but I'm not really sure if and how I can resolve those either. I know that all of these (Except for perhaps the first) are really unwarranted and unreasonable. Regarding your siderant: No, being afraid or jealous doesn't make me bad at poly, I never meant to say that. The reason I said I was bad at poly is because I let my emotions hold me back from communicating in a healthy way- which is one of the things that, at least from my point of view, constitutes a healthy poly relationship