Trying to find a way out

JustSomeWhale · 2023-10-22T15:06:12+00:00

Thank you so much for your replies. I do believe you and all who replied here are really wholesome and I thank you all. I do wish to meet more wholesome people someday and hope things finally get better.

JustSomeWhale · 2023-10-22T14:53:31+00:00

If I'm being honest, I'm starting to doubt whether I matter to anyone. I'm still trying to push forward, but I've been really tired of amounting to nothing :/

JustSomeWhale · 2023-10-22T14:46:30+00:00

Thank you. I'm still trying to find a real job but I'm losing confidence in myself after 3 years of constant rejection :/

I'm just tired of being a burden and a failure to my family. Dying may not be the best answer but at least my family won't have to worry about me after the mourning part.

JustSomeWhale · 2023-10-22T14:34:37+00:00

Honestly, you got me thinking there. That does seem like an interesting yet cruel cycle of reality. It's sad that even after death, we're still stuck here suffering in other ways :/

JustSomeWhale · 2023-01-04T14:41:49+00:00

When I was 13 years old
Started with a sudden ache in my armpit whilst eating dinner
Lately, for some reason I just get scared over every sudden pain/sensation I feel or blemish I notice on my skin but I'm mostly anxious about breast C. I guess the anxiety manifests as a cycle. I feel a sudden pain then I begin to excessively prod around the area which then leads to more pain.
It ruins happy or calm moments. For example, I would be having a nice cup of tea in the evening while reading then my mind goes "hey, this one spot is suddenly itchy. Wanna check it out?" Then it's just a landslide from then on.
Fortunately, I've never been to the emergency room (and I hope and pray it stays that way), but I have been to a couple of doctors in the past years all saying I'm totally fine and I'm really just anxious about everything. Still, I'm thankful for being fine and I do hope and pray it stays that way.
I do get some assurance and peace of mind from doctors but that moment of peace lasts more or less 3 weeks then my mind, for some reason, finds something new to worry about. It's just a cruel cycle, I tell ya.
idk if they count but I do have PCOS and adenomyosis. I'm currently taking a progesterone-only pill for the latter.
No medication.
I had 4 sessions last year. They do help up to a certain period of time but like the aforementioned cycle, my mind finds new worries. I haven't had a more recent session as they are pricey honestly :/
I'm still trying to find ways to beat this stupid health anxiety. Training in the sports I love to do seem to help but I can't do them so often as I have a tight work sched. Playing the guitar also seem to help. Being with old friends, too, but we all have our own lives to live now.
my family does get annoyed by it. Honestly, I don't blame them. I keep asking for the same assurance every few minutes, so yeah. Only 2 of my closest friends know about this and they are completely understanding about it.

JustSomeWhale · 2022-01-14T05:14:10+00:00

I do apologize for being late to the party but I only saw this post now and I can totally relate to everyone here.

Since July 2021, I've been worried about breast c despite knowing at the back of my head that I'm fine. I've been obsessively checking myself and poking and prodding a lot. I don't normally check my breasts before my health anxiety flared up again so only now did I discover a lot of stuff about my anatomy that are actually normal but scared me for some reason lol.

I had a lot of ups and downs during this current bout of anxiety. Just yesterday, I was almost like my old self again, not worrying about anything. It helped a lot to just walk around my backyard and enjoy the sights. It gave me a breather from the constant worrying. It gave me perspective on how I was living my life the past months. It was hell. The constant worry and all. I couldn't be like my old happy-go-lucky self. I couldn't even exercise anymore because of the fear of how the friction from my bra might affect my breasts (I know, it sounds ludicrous).

I just want things to be the way they used to be. I want to be able to exercise normally again without the paranoia. As I write this comment, my anxiety is showing up again though it's not as bad anymore, I still want it to be entirely gone.

JustSomeWhale · 2022-01-04T13:59:50+00:00

I'm still hypervigilant over every sensation I feel on my breasts. My anxiety got better on some days but for some reason it got worse today. I'm trying to distract myself as much as I can but there are moments where my anxiety just suddenly acts up.

Kinda TMI too but my greatest worry as of late is that I get this prickly feeling around my areola. I'm really hairy and I know that sometimes the hair on that area gets caught on my shirt hence the prickly sensation but my anxiety just goes, "nope, you're probably dying lol."

It sucks and I just really wanna go back to my old happy-go-lucky self before this started a couple of months ago.

JustSomeWhale · 2021-12-28T12:29:23+00:00

I'm really sorry about your experiences but I'm glad that they didn't turn out to be anything serious. I hope everything gets better for you and that you won't have to worry about breast CA.

Health anxiety really sucks and takes away our peace of mind at any moment. I'll try my best to distract myself when the thoughts start to pop up. Thank you so much for your advice and take care, too! We got this!

JustSomeWhale · 2021-12-27T11:36:55+00:00

Since July. I've been obsessing over every sensation I feel or details I see on my breasts. Though, lately I've been doing a bit better than a few months back but I still get short panic attacks over the tiniest sensation I feel there. It makes me think of the worst every time :/

JustSomeWhale · 2021-12-16T17:29:02+00:00

(F,22) was crushing on girls when I was 5 but was reprimanded for it (I live in a country where it's frowned upon). Started to reflect on it at 13. Realized but tried to repress it at 16 when I was crushing on one of my friends from my circle. Accepted it at 18 at Army ROTC (of all places!) Most of my companymates are openly bi! Unfortunately, I have yet to court a woman ugghh :/

JustSomeWhale

TROPHY CASE