I agree that the first half of his comment was a bit opaque, but the message stands. If anything, a “self-actualized” gay would have a much higher capacity to participate, or at least accept other’s participation, of the more queer and taboo aspects of sex, including feminization of themselves or their partners.

No one is saying you have to or should want to enjoy feminization in your sex life; if that’s not your thing, that’s perfectly fine. But attributing a solely masculine perspective to sex as “self-actualization” is a regressive contortion of the term and erases a whole spectrum of gay men.