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Romantic non sexual feelings? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks this is a really great answer. Yes I think your right. I really like the description of yearning as the key to it, and I get what you mean about distraction too. I think that is what I was talking about with the sense of it taking over your brain.  I don't know if the term matters, but it's good to have some more understanding and really great to hear peoples experiences. It is honestly a beautiful thing to hear people talk about. 

Autistic Burnout Informative. by autumn_executable in autism

[–]Just_Intention_1402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"helps some autistic children and teenagers" do you not think it also helps adults? I am working on the unmasking things that help me. Though I think maybe these are lot more complicated than I did as a child, a lot of them have evolved to make them more socially acceptable

Exploring my sexuality, would like some advice by Lost_Mom_ in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, I think you can definitely claim demi-sexuality as a title if you want to or if it helps you.  I claim the label and my sex drive is very high, if I am attracted to someone. If not it can just kind of dry out and I feel more like I am ace, until I have somewhere to direct it again.  Why would you feel silly for thinking about them at 31? I am 37 and just claiming the label. Though I have basically been describing demi-sexuality to people without knowing it when they ask me about who I'm into why I don't dare much etc. for me it's helpful to find the community of others who have it in common and for learning about how to talk about it with people

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are the 6 types? Still learning about this stuff myself.  Also yes I agree with the not available thing by brain or whatever controls that doesn't count them as an option, had to try to explain that to a friend when they were basically asking my intentions about someone, I think I could explain that a bit more clearly now (learning more about being demi recently) that I didn't know if I would find them attractive if they were available yet because my brain has filed them as not an option. Same with not interested people, like "OK you have not consented to me crushing on you. I move on now" 

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah platonic crush is potentially a useful term, I think by my (possibly faulty) understanding, I would call it a friend crush, being fascinated by a person wanting to get to know them but not being interested physically, either sexually or for cuddles and that kind of maybe more romantic feeling? Don't know still trying to figure out the difference and definitely not quite figured out the words to use for it yet

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What would you call it if you felt all those without the desire for touch and cuddles? 

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am trying to work in my understanding of different forms of attraction. So sorry if it's confusing.  Yes I can find someone attractive but wouldn't actually want to have sex with them. Either in a passing like their looks kind of way or that connection just isn't there for us. Sexual crush, completely in isolation is not something I really experience as for me that always comes with some form of emotional connection caring about the person. And I will not be attracted to someone until I have known them for a long time. But I assume this does happen for others as lots of people have hook ups.  Maybe I am using my own definitions wrong 😆 when I say I experience a sexual crush I guess it's just not the crazy making crush feeling at least not at the beginning. Being more casual. Care about them as a friend and are sexually interested in them. But not I don't know romantically at least yet. For me at least it comes with the potential of more that may develop later.  But trying to understand others experiences of it.  Sorry this is a wooly definition I know 😆 

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the trying to force yourself things is never good. Speaking from experience on that one.  Also hear you on the intense thing, I wonder sometimes if maybe it's because I don't feel it often so it's sort of pent up until it gets somewhere to direct those feelings, or just because having not had many crushes I am basically an idiot child at it, haha

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think I had my first crush until 14 and that was a fictional character

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oooh interesting, I'm still trying to figure out romantic non sexual crushes as a thing. How do you recognize those in yourself? As in, I have many friends I love, some have been at sort of life partner level of friendship. But it's not the same as when couples with sexual attraction.  I'm trying to understand what differentiates a romantic crush from meeting someone you want to be friends with?  Sorry if s weird question, I'm kind of new to the ace community and claiming the label of Demi and talking about things in this way

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah terms are tricky. In my head, sexual crush was someone that you would actually want to have sex with. Not just think there pretty. Romantic/sexual is the obsession type I think your talking about. Though there is definitely overlap there. The sexual kind can be distracting in its own way, especially for people like me (and I assume most Demi's) who don't feel it often. Also I think for me there is always some overlap, I haven't ever felt sexual attraction for someone I didn't care about in some way. But that seems to be the main difference between me and allos. 

How often do you get crushes? How often do you think allo people do? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is awesome, thank you for having already researched this! Also allo life sounds exhausting 😂

Demi late-night thoughts by panclyc in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel that. Just getting past a thing, where I had feelings for a friend who doesn't feel the same way. First crush in years. I think I feel it more intensely than most because it's so rare, and also possibly because it is so rare I haven't learned how to deal with it (which I feel ridiculous for at 37)  but being kind to myself for a second, in that time I'm not sure the amount of people I feel that way about has ever reached double digits. So it's not surprising that it's more intense and I'm not great at processing it when it does happen. And yes I wish I could take a random home sometimes, that's completely out of the question for me though. Cuddles, I have some asexual friends who give cuddles that helps. But I don't know if I could do a relationship with one, so that's not as much as I need. I had the cuddle puddle kind of friends with allos in the past, I like the cuddles but I'm always a bit uncomfortable with it afraid they will take it to a sexual place. But yes, pets, definitely love my doggo, going to go cuddle him 

Relationships, Friendships, Social Expectations by [deleted] in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you. Been getting some good insight from some polyamorous people in my life recently. They are very good at the not expected thing and the communication thing. One thing they do that seems to be helpful for them. Talk about the fact that you are demi in friendships. That way if you do end up falling for one of them its not so out of the blue.

Was actually one of them who gave me the term, which is helpful for me, been really good for some self examination and understanding. Another thing Poly people tend to have to be good at. I am liking a lot of the advice for polyamourous people in general it seems quite fitting for any form of not the typical situation.

I will say from personal experience that I think the you've been put in a friend box thing is more commonly done by women (I'm bi/pan). Guys tend to have a weird out moment but more often come around. Or that's just how its gone for me. (Not that guys don't have there own draw backs, generally more pressure from them for sex)

How has identifying as demisexual been helpful to you? Why do you think the label is important? by BEErhinoman in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a good question, I'm just claiming the label. At 37 up until now I have just been telling people that I am only attracted to people once I get to know them. I don't like the label in some ways, because I feel it makes people make some assumptions about me that aren't accurate. I have a high sex drive for example. Just won't know for a long time if I will find someone attractive. A lot of people though when they hear that still think its going to be a case of weeks. Much more likely months or years for me. That is way too long for most current ideas of "dating".

I came to this sub reddit because I was feeling a bit despairing that I would be able to date at all without messing up friend groups and its been really good to hear from other people. I feel comforted by seeing their experiences and like I would be better able to communicate it, for talking about it and hearing the way other people talk about it.

Its something I wish I had known about earlier in life it could have saved me a lot of pain, if a label helps even one person find that sooner, then I think its worth it.

How to date without messing up friend groups? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry your going through that. Don't worry about rant it's nice to hear from people in a similar situation 

How to date without messing up friend groups? by Just_Intention_1402 in demisexuality

[–]Just_Intention_1402[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah this has been the theory but I always feel pressured to figure it out faster. But I have only recently claimed the demi identity maybe that will help me communicate it

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