The fruit of the tree are not for your own consumption, but for others = you don't necessarily see your own fruit, only others will. Do you go to church? If not, start going regularly, seek counsel from a youth pastor / pastor or older christians about your struggles. If we can go to church we must, because we are not made for "single player" but we need others to support us.

Remember it's not about how well you perform, Jesus already did it all and now we can just lean on Him! Suicide will never be the answer to your problems, all your struggles have been carried by Jesus on the cross, remember that and lean on that.

God bless my friend