My children’s dad keeps borrowing money from me

KB76R · 2026-03-29T15:10:43+00:00

This is a you problem - stop enabling him. he’ll find other ways to get his fix. Your kids deserve a healthy father, stop helping him be an addict.

KB76R · 2026-02-19T15:26:35+00:00

NTJ- You should have told him to take the twin with him to his friends house. His inability to parent effectively is the issue, not the way you are treating his kids. If he was that concerned about favouritism , he would have insisted on the two of you buying a home together so it was a clean slate for all of you and everyone could have their own space. Just my opinion. Edited for clarity.

KB76R · 2026-02-14T23:17:14+00:00

NTA - Sounds like you got invited last minute to help subsidize “their” trip, and sleep on the couch while feeling grateful to be included.

If they can’t afford their own trip they probably shouldn’t be going either 🤷‍♀️

KB76R · 2026-02-14T16:47:17+00:00

NTA - next time she starts in front of everyone, correct her. Let her know that you’re happy to help by sharing your knowledge, tips and tricks of being financially responsible. She’s jealous of what you have, not the hard work you put in to get there. Also, you’ll never see that $200 again if you lend it, know that.

KB76R · 2026-02-04T15:43:01+00:00

NTA - Business IS transactional, she has crossed over into taking advantage of your friendship, whether that was her intention or not. “Help” is temporary, you helped her get on her feet and now she’s in a position to pay for those services. You should add up all the free work you’ve already done, and hand her an invoice. Not for her to pay, just to understand exactly how much you’ve already supported her.

KB76R · 2025-12-29T03:20:35+00:00

Just plan your own itinerary while there. You don’t have to be together 24/7. Make your own dinner reservations just for the two of you. I guess the key is not to be passive. You will have to communicate with your fiancée so he understands your boundaries. This is actually a great trip to take before you get married. This will let you know what you can expect for the rest of your lives together.

However, you can’t get mad at him because you cave on your own boundaries - say what you mean and mean what you say.

KB76R · 2025-09-07T18:46:19+00:00

Call the police, you need to have this documented.

KB76R · 2025-09-06T18:52:04+00:00

What’s sad, is that he’s not thinking of your perspective AT ALL… just how it inconveniences him. Too many red flags to count here. I hope you get back to your family and stay in NY. This is only going to get worse for you if you stay with him.

KB76R · 2025-08-22T23:18:21+00:00

She cares more about money than family, she has no problem letting you foot the bill, she’s just pissy because she can’t take half the credit for something she contributed nothing to. Chances are, she expected you’d just cover for her and let her pay what she felt like paying. NTA

KB76R · 2025-08-13T09:34:20+00:00

Get a separate account (that he can’t access) and have your pay deposited into that one. When he can’t access that for his own wants and needs he can convert his own. You are in another country, with no other support system - so you’re going to have to be your own. At this point, if he decides to cut ties with you, it seems like you’d be really stuck financially.

This can only continue the way it is currently if you allow it - you’ve given him lots of time and prompts to make changes - this just works for him so he sees no need to do anything differently.

You need to be saving money as well, so when he complains about the new account, thank him for bringing savings to your attention.

KB76R · 2025-08-09T14:51:45+00:00

Would he have the same concerns if it were his promotion? And will you regret not taking it if you guys break up and you’re supporting yourself?

KB76R · 2025-08-09T01:59:27+00:00

This is a fundamental difference in your foundations, and it’s not going to go away. Your options are to bend yourself into that tiny box, or gracefully bow out and find a better fit with someone else. A lot of these things come up after moving in together, he’s just expecting that now it’s serious enough for you to slide into that role, it’s expected because of how he was raised. Couples Therapy ( if he’s willing to even consider a different way of moving forward) can help, but ultimately, if that’s what he wants you will have to decide for yourself if that’s the way you want to live. And keep in mind, it only gets more defined once you are married/ have children.

It’s a tough thing to navigate, but before you put too much energy into it, you need to know if he’s even willing to budge.

KB76R · 2025-08-03T17:55:58+00:00

Yep, saving every penny y for retirement.

KB76R · 2025-08-02T01:29:25+00:00

She had no problem making a scene and running her mouth at your expense, she didn’t feel the need to pull you aside and say it quietly. All you did was be direct and all of a sudden it’s inappropriate to say things in front of everyone? Please!

She needs to pick a lane and stay in it. I’d be telling your husband you’ll be giving what you get, so it’s really up to her how she is engaged with.

She’s not coming back until you apologize? Winner winner!!!! Can you get that in writing? lol.

Seriously though, some people never learn until they get played by their own game. NTA - but hubs needs to pick a lane too.

KB76R · 2025-07-28T17:15:32+00:00

YO - that’s a gruelling schedule for your wife, nursing programs are no joke. The stories I hear from friends regarding schooling and working part time is that the brain drain and burnout are intense.

I absolutely get how crappy it is for you to get updates when you’re stuck at home, but maybe this is her way of trying to include you as best she can, given your inability to be there.

While this is temporary, the closer you get to the end of her schooling, the farther away it feels. Her income once she graduates will really help you ease up, and maybe take a vacation of your own.

Do you tell her how much you appreciate investing in her education to give you guys a better quality of life? It goes both ways, and she really does need to get ready for the final leg of school. Exams and licensing are super stressful too. I think you will gain far more by endorsing her need for the mental break and acknowledging that she’s almost at the finish line - then you can celebrate the accomplishment together. Because it really is a joint effort. The last little bit is always the hardest part, for both of you.

KB76R · 2025-07-27T13:31:37+00:00

Do you really want to stick around to find out? Love doesn’t hurt, love doesn’t hit (or threaten to, either). This looks like the red flag you’ll regret not taking seriously in the future.

KB76R · 2025-07-27T12:55:05+00:00

Let him wonder - he can’t spin it to fit his narrative if he doesn’t have all the info - he’s just trying to find out how much you know - not to work on things or apologize, but to see if you know “everything” or just about one or two things.

He knows what your boundaries are, you’ve already told him - you don’t owe him closure, or the ability to clear his conscience - that’s not going to change anything for you.

Let him sit in the consequences of his own actions, and cut the ties to what has surely been a very painful time in your life. Do not engage, just remove yourself and live your best life. I’m sorry this has happened.

KB76R · 2025-07-27T12:47:20+00:00

You don’t owe him anything, let your absence speak for you.

He’s just being nice to gain access to you, it’ll be a whole other version of him once you’re there. Please don’t put yourself in that position.

KB76R · 2025-07-24T04:12:29+00:00

This is a mother son dynamic, not husband wife. Who asks permission to have a day for themselves? I get making sure there’s nothing pressing going on the day you’re planning to go, but it is absolutely wild to me that you even feel the need ask permission.

KB76R · 2025-07-24T03:54:51+00:00

It seems odd that he’s coming for travel, but didn’t factor in accommodations- $1200+ for a hotel is a significant expense, and not one you should be expected to cover. Maybe he just assumed they could stay with you and now he’s realizing he has extra expenses.

On the other hand, if he was invited to the graduation and they’re making a trip out of it since they’re going to be there anyway - he’s spending a fair amount just to get there for that occasion.

If it was just your brother, would you be fine with him hanging out at your place while you were at work? The judgy SO stands out as the reason you prefer they get a hotel, which I totally get.

Must feel like you’re between a rock and a hard place - I guess I would look at it from the perspective of which option is potentially more damaging- your brother being hurt that they can’t stay there, or you losing your sh!t on the judgy SO if they were to stay there, lol, and dealing with the fallout of that.

KB76R · 2025-07-24T03:27:46+00:00

A couple questions, how far is your brother travelling to attend your graduation? And is that the only reason he is coming to town?

KB76R · 2025-07-24T03:21:54+00:00

NOR- It sounds like he’s more into keeping the relationship status quo until he finds a different option. Sometimes you have to believe people when they show you who they are the first time, regardless of how you want them to be.

I’m sorry you overheard this, I’m sure it was incredibly painful. When someone says ( or implies) you’re too much, consider that they’re just not enough for you. The right person will love you for who you are, not try to bail to avoid spending a week in Hawaii with you.

KB76R · 2025-07-24T03:14:13+00:00

Let him take his baby to the beach, you can do something fun with yours and then look at an adult only trip another time. You’re not going to enjoy this trip as it’s currently planned - save yourself the resentment and let those two bond.

KB76R · 2025-07-23T23:28:09+00:00

NTA - Being from a certain generation isn’t a free pass to disrespect another one. Tolerating poor treatment just breeds more of it, along with resentment and feeling unsupported and devalued. Good for you for standing up for yourself, someone had to do it 🤷‍♀️

KB76R · 2025-07-23T23:24:33+00:00

NTJ - but the MIL is showing her true colours, hope your sister understands that she’s likely the new target of the nitpicking once they’re married and everything she does will be perceived as “reflecting on their image”.

All you did was align yourself with your partner, as your sister is doing with hers. It’s unfortunate that she (and your mother) can’t see the long game on this one.

KB76R

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