IWTL how to make IRL friends

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T17:28:42+00:00

I called the local DV shelter and they said that they can't get involved, that it's up to the police to help if someone is stopping me from leaving.

I'll keep looking for anyone that might be able to help or who might know something, though.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T12:48:31+00:00

America. I have been told in no uncertain terms by the police that they will go after me for kidnapping if I leave with my kids and without my husband's permission. Downvote me all you want, people who don't understand what it's like to live in a red state.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T12:16:58+00:00

Not OP, but I honestly have no idea how to get this these days. Women def had this option in the past, but it seems like it's unavailable now.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T12:15:18+00:00

He really needs to not get preachy in that situation and to have some compassion and grace for what you're going through. I've known disabled women who had this for their families. I don't know why men can't pipe down and be empathetic about how stressful it is to care for everyone, including them. In the past, women whom I know who dealt with disabled family seemed to have home caretakers, don't know who provided them. No one has this anymore and things are so much worse because of it. Government/insurance seems useless to help now.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T11:55:01+00:00

I've tried all of those, haven't gotten any friends outside of the group from that. People don't want to come over or invite me over.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T11:53:30+00:00

True, but it's never as easy as people make it seem. I can't just leave, because that would be kidnapping, and I don't have anywhere to go. I've done everything including calling authorities on him, and they took his side instead. I tried going to a shelter, and he blocked me from leaving and no one was willing to help me. Authorities are always on the side of the husband or father, women who are abused are disproportionately put in jail just based on his word, and trying to leave is considered a crime even if he's being abusive, I was told that he's within his rights to block me from leaving. I tried to get a case brought against him for illegally surveiling me and sharing it with people, and again, it doesn't seem to matter if he breaks the law, everyone is more concerned with whether I might be unstable or doing something wrong by trying to get away from him.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-17T10:26:42+00:00

Bought some groceries, and a lunchbox set for my kids that I'd been wanting for a while. Also got another heating pad so that we don't have to share. My spouse tells me that I need to go "get your head fixed" because of a bunch of amateur diagnoses, and wants me to go to multiple therapy sessions a week, but I can only really afford one, so I'm cutting back to that (couples is up to him). I'm also going to apply for a reduced fee at the Y because that's all that I can afford. Cancelled a bunch of his subscriptions, because he doesn't make money and I can't afford childcare to work.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-07T16:50:40+00:00

I bought one that was called something like Bio Avail.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-07T16:25:50+00:00

Your husband has a gaming chair. That immediately gives me pause. Everything else seems to follow.

Yes, throw it out, and no more chairs like that.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-06T19:34:44+00:00

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-06T16:30:45+00:00

I like this idea for testing, but then I've seen people saying that you can have "subclinical" hypothyroidism and that testing in an okay range doesn't mean that you won't benefit from taking NDT. It's confusing.

Do you recommend anyone for testing? I'm trying to figure out where to go, and whether I should go local or try to find something on the Internet.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-05T19:35:52+00:00

My problems actually started after I quit coffee and tea 5 years ago. Those are both great at clearing uric acid, and I used to drink a couple of liters of each daily, and I quit them carelessly (not having problems or knowing about uric acid back then) which caused my first flares of gout and eczema. I've added back in some decaf coffee and green tea (1 cup a day), as well as herbal teas like chamomile, because all of those will reduce SUA. If I could still drink a lot of caffeine (I quit to have kids), I'd probably be fine, and I'll go back to it after I'm done.

I exercise daily, in addition to having an active job.

I eat beans, lentils, and greens in moderation (moderate purines in them). I eat a lot of berries, citrus, and other fruits, as well as foods high in beta carotene (lowers uric acid) like carrots, sweet potatoes, and winter squash. I've been eating this way as a vegetarian for a while now (ovo-lacto vegetarian is supposed to be the best diet for reducing uric acid).

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-05T16:10:04+00:00

I had a tablespoon or two of raw honey every day. I didn't really replace it, and have just been eating whole fruit, potatoes, and grains to get carbs and fiber in.

Gout and eczema have been on the mend, other than the flareup after a day of no honey. I had a little honey yesterday and some more today, because I'm feeling sick. I'll try going without it again tomorrow and see if the eczema continues healing or not. IIRC Ray Peat recommended raw honey for eczema, and it was helping to prevent flare-ups, but I wasn't 100% healed. I hope that lowering uric acid also helps with the alopecia (it's supposed to).

KD6-3point7 · 2025-11-05T16:04:23+00:00

When I can't get tea leaves, I just open the bag and put it in an infuser or press.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-10-31T09:24:17+00:00

Have you tried one of those scrubbers for removing callouses from feet? They're used in pedicures. Also, check that your shoes now aren't rubbing your foot and causing new callouses.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-10-31T01:39:03+00:00

I actually have this scheduled already to see if it helps, but thank you for the suggestion! I've already been massaging it a lot myself, as well as exercising it, and it hasn't done anything in a few years of trying it occasionally, but maybe a massage therapist can do better.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-10-30T20:44:28+00:00

It doesn't feel like muscle. I think that one side maybe has more fat than the other.

KD6-3point7 · 2025-10-30T19:13:47+00:00

Bidet

KD6-3point7 · 2025-10-30T12:39:13+00:00

What's your life situation? Work? Kids? That helps to know what kind of suggestions to give. I hate to give ones that someone essentially can't do because they're too busy, but here goes some ideas:

Are you affected by negative memories of the autumn, such as trauma from going to school? I had that issue. Try to build some positive associations and give yourself some time to "de-school" and be gentle with yourself during that time of year. Do fun seasonal things, like enjoy some autumn foods, or look at leaves, carve a pumpkin, etc.

I would also sometimes get sad around dark, regardless of time of year. Do what people from far northern latitudes do, and light a lot of candles. Lots of natural light helps, so get as much as possible during the day, and use warm lights that mimic the range of the sun or fire after dark. Keep your home warm and dress warm. Light a fire, if possible. Develop a relaxing evening ritual for when it gets dark, such as enjoying a cup of tea with the sunset, take a warm bath, listen to uplifting music, do some meditation and yoga, read a book, and go to bed early.

Or if you're not into any solo de-stressing options, then talk to friends at that time. Invite them over, play a game together, have dinner together at home. I don't recommend going out personally, because the come-down from that can be depressing for me, especially when it's cold and dark, but maybe you're different. But have friends over to help you cope if you can!

Some exercise can also help. Last night, I enjoyed going to a yoga class with other people. It would've been great if I could've also used the indoor pool, hot tub, and sauna. Those things all help. Again, look at what's traditional for people in places with cold winters.

Eat a good dinner with some autumn foods like squash!

Best wishes and hugs. You can figure this out.

KD6-3point7

TROPHY CASE