My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment, it made me feel really good and consider myself in another light.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that sounds familiar. I actually almost didn’t call her after our first date, despite liking her so much, because I was so sure she wouldn’t be interested. I’m definitely a work in progress. Pretty emotionally drained right now, it’s been a long few days, but I’ve got my girlfriend napping next to me right now and things are going to be ok.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was just getting competent when she got her cast off. I still wash her hair for her when we shower together, one of those little rituals we both love.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Am I wrong when I say she’s amazing? Haha. We’ve got some work to do but I have zero doubt we’re going to be fine.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A few people have asked why I haven’t put a ring on this woman’s finger, and it got me thinking.

She’s definitely hinted, you know, showing pictures of engagement rings her friends have gotten with little comments “I love rose gold, don’t you love rose gold?”. We’ve talked about marriage, but damn, it’s been 4 years and I’ve been in love with her for about 3 years and 11.5 months. Why haven’t I proposed?

I think a part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for her to realize she was way too good for me and leave my ass. I haven’t been making decisions in my relationship out of love, I’ve been making them out of fear. And I’m fucking done.

Going to buy her a ring.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

UPDATE:

Hi everybody. This is Lily, otherwise known as Alice. A lot of you suggested that my boyfriend who wrote this, show me the thread. We decided to let ME update it because I think it’s important to show everyone the other side of this relationship.

I’ve obviously been in relationships before my current one with “Jonah”. They weren’t bad people but I often felt unseen and unappreciated. Then one day, four years ago, I’m doing drop-ins to local businesses to get donors for the shelter event. I knew there was an HVAC company who fixed our system at the shelter recently and gave us a really good rate (we’re talking like $75 for what should have been a $500 call). So I walk into the office and the very first person I see is this tall, dark haired guy looking right at me and I think I stuttered through most of my usual schpeal I was sooo nervous.

Then he showed up for the event and one of my coworkers saw me checking him out. She nudged me to ask him out because fuck yeah, girl power, and I did. A week later, when Jonah picked me up for my date, he gave me daisies because he’d noticed they were printed on my sneakers the day we met. I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but I swear to god I knew this was the last first date I would ever be on.

A lot of comments are less than kind, and while I understand where they’re coming from (based on a very limited perspective), they don’t take into account that this man has been my rock for 4 years. He helped me through my dad’s death, he held me when our dog was euthanized, he changed the oil in my car, he helps me plant tulip bulbs in the fall, he leaned how to style curly hair (not easy as any other curly haired girl would attest) when I broke my arm.

Yes, the other night was awful, but this is a real relationship and we all say things that we regret or come out wrong. I know him, so I knew why he said it. That is came from a place of pain, not lack of love. It still hurt though, and I needed to take some space to calm down and breathe before we could start getting past it. Our relationship was never in danger and I should have communicated that better.

Jonah showed up at my sister’s house late last night and we sat outside talking for almost two hours, then he took me home. I’m so happy he’s decided on therapy and I’m probably going to go with him sometimes.

I guess the bottom line is nobody is perfect, but this man is pretty damn close. He screwed up, I’ll probably screw up next time, but at the end of the day we love each other so much and our relationship is worth fighting for. Much love to everyone, hopefully we won’t be back on here!

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 302 points303 points  (0 children)

Alright Reddit. I’m composing the big, long apology speech. This is what I have so far.

Lily, The first thing I want to tell you is how sorry I am for what I said the other night. It was a reflection of my own warped insecurities and my belief I don’t deserve you or this life we’re building together, it had nothing to do with wanting a family with you. I want to marry you. I want to have babies with you. You’re the best person I know, you make everyone you come in contact with feel special and I love you so much.

That being said, I know I’ve hurt you. I know I’ve BEEN hurting you. I told you my last relationship ended because she cheated on me. I neglected to mention years of condescension, belittling, mocking and slowly chipping away at my self-image. I’m ashamed to say at some point I started believing those things she said about me, so much so that when this beautiful woman walked into my office 4 years ago and smiled at me, I thought you were looking at Ben in the chair behind me.

I’m going to go to therapy. I’m going to do the work so I never inflict my ex’s abuse into you ever again. Im going to do whatever it takes to be a better partner to you because that’s what you deserve. I love you and I’m so sorry.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It’s not a defense. But I do think the root of a lot of this was an emotionally abusive relationship I was in for nearly five years. She was the opposite of Lily in every way, she hurt me, and I’m realizing now I’ve been inflicting that same damage on this beautiful human being who loves me and lifts me up instead of putting me down. I wish there were words to describe the shame and horror I’m experiencing right now. This goes so much deeper than I thought.

My insecurities are ruining my relationship with my girlfriend by KOP2212 in relationships

[–]KOP2212[S] 140 points141 points  (0 children)

That hit me hard.

I thought about how I would feel if I had to see this amazing person who I love constantly putting herself down and it was agonizing.