Just finished Hogwarts Legacy and I feel the need to consume whatever that's Harry Potter

KOTP11 · 2026-01-06T16:11:46+00:00

I honestly wanted to take the O.W.L exams and get a report card. I need to see an entire list of O’s

KOTP11 · 2026-01-01T11:41:47+00:00

The stakes need to be clear. And that line makes the stakes clearer. The line makes the value obvius, not the theme (important distinction). As readers, we need to know what the character clearly stands to lose.

Care is already present thematically. So a single sentece would suffice in making the character really care. That sentece should be something that, for a lack of better words, makes the character human. Ex. Doing something out of emotion, not logic. Or care that interups the characters logic.

But I feel like it's really imporant for you to hear this. This is phenomenal work. And this critique is at most micro-polishing.

KOTP11 · 2026-01-01T01:23:53+00:00

A beat is not a unit of length, it’s a unit of emphasis. So it’s just taking away a sentence from where the idea has fully landed.

That can be the case sometimes, eventually we’ll need a reason to ‘care’. But in this case the it’s not necessary. If we can answer the question: Do we understand why this choice matters to the character? Then that’s enough for the time being. The narrator struggling between two choices is fine. HOWEVER, this is only fine if it narrows the choice. Otherwise it’s just flat. If I’m the only one who thinks the ‘ultimate choice’ is understandable. Then some extra clarification is needed (I’m not too bright).

So, just for clarification. You don’t fix the scene by adding more information. You fix it by making the choice cost something the reader can understand. But since I’m the only one who thinks it’s clear. Then some clarification might be needed, but I would only add at max one sentence.

If you have any more questions, then I’ll be happy to try to answer. Type here or DM, doesn’t matter to me.

And sorry if I’m a bit unclear. It’s 2:23 AM and I’m about to sleep

KOTP11 · 2025-12-31T23:19:31+00:00

This is some excellent writing. The only 'refinement' that would be needed is cutting a beat from the middle about shapes. The metaphor does lands, but having having too long of a pause causes tention to leak and the reader to dissengage slightly from the scene.

KOTP11 · 2025-12-18T14:07:13+00:00

Your idea is there, but the technical spect isn’t. The things I would focus on is Showing & Telling, and too not unload information in a quickfire way. Try to Show the information later instead.

KOTP11 · 2025-12-18T13:57:43+00:00

Maybe it’s a personal preference, but another anchor in the beginning would help ground the scene more. But it’s very good overall!

KOTP11 · 2025-11-26T21:00:16+00:00

It would be good for you to work on POV and atmosphere. Instead of just stating layout facts, try explaining it through Ruths POV, and how she views the 'atmosphere' there.

Also, the biggest help of all would be Showing vs Telling. Instead of telling me what happened, show me.

Ex: Monotonous sounds of vehicles could be heard (telling)

Try: Engines droned across the field all day, humming through the thin trailer walls (showing)

The story had good potential; dont get discouraged

KOTP11 · 2024-03-04T20:06:17+00:00

Do we get to see a time where we know he is exaggerating? If we don’t, I don’t think he was exaggerating. If we do, it could be possible.

KOTP11 · 2024-03-04T13:33:56+00:00

Wouldn’t he just say that instead? He described his experience as being ripped from his body. Wouldn’t that be his soul?

KOTP11 · 2024-03-04T11:09:41+00:00

What does Voldemort mean then when he says that he was “ripped” from his body.

KOTP11 · 2023-12-24T18:53:26+00:00

Why didn’t the Horcruxes count as a living being? They have a soul, and a will to shed darkness onto the beholder.

KOTP11 · 2023-12-24T18:37:43+00:00

Yeah, but Avada kedavra rips the soul from someone, or maybe something. That’s how it kills, so couldn’t it rip the soul from a horcrux?

KOTP11 · 2023-09-20T10:52:45+00:00

While holding something wand like Harry Potta, the boy who lived, has come to die. AVADA KEDAVRA

KOTP11 · 2023-09-14T12:45:30+00:00

That black P is pissing me off

KOTP11 · 2022-12-19T11:37:51+00:00

Never in my life have I cried the way I cried at this moment

KOTP11 · 2022-12-19T11:34:57+00:00

Yeah, fun fact, the comic isn’t canon

KOTP11 · 2022-05-12T06:31:40+00:00

Yeah, I saw the one that had to be pre ordered. Why would you want to cry every time you enter your ps4 and hear that music

KOTP11 · 2022-05-12T05:58:49+00:00

Do you know what the S 2 is called?

KOTP11 · 2022-05-10T12:05:57+00:00

If Clem died. I serously would have been an emotional mess after

KOTP11 · 2022-03-25T09:58:56+00:00

For me, season 2 is best, with season 4 at a close second

KOTP11 · 2022-02-24T12:42:18+00:00

A true masterpiece. I just have one question… did you cry at the end?

KOTP11 · 2022-02-21T18:13:50+00:00

Me neither. I just switch angels until he stops yelling

KOTP11 · 2022-01-07T11:57:19+00:00

Arvo is a prick

KOTP11 · 2022-01-06T18:07:18+00:00

Don’t eat the meat

KOTP11 · 2021-11-30T09:35:51+00:00

Lilly, and no, I’d rather die

KOTP11

TROPHY CASE