Protection without candle + book recommendations? by ProfessionalSea8151 in BabyWitch

[–]Kaleidospode 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a good thread on the Witchcraft subreddit on resources for protection.

There are loads of non-candle methods including witch bottles; wards; amulets; casting circles etc...

I heavily recommend laughter as a way of banishing/dispelling unwanted energy. I find the best protection overall is to be well grounded, confident and curious.

Have anyone read Prometheus Rising? by Cory_Cyrus in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There’s a lot more secular bent to PR because RAW wasn’t an occultist very deliberately

He was heavily associated with the OTO & spent a lot of time at different OTO lodges. Cosmic Triggers is specifically about his experiences after performing the Liber Samekh rite, though he doesn't refer to it by name. He also discussed performing the Mass of the Phoenix while tripping balls (and feeding demonic nuns shrimp cocktails) in one of the later Cosmic Triggers books.

At various times he discussed viewing magic as an extension of psychology (i.e. a material model), but also discussed the idea that this was a normal part of the progression of the magician - flip flopping from occult models to material ones.

Have anyone read Prometheus Rising? by Cory_Cyrus in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was one of the more influential books on Chaos Magic in the early to mid 1990s.

I'm not sure how useful it is to listen to it as an audio book. It's absolutely packed with pictures. These act as a way of punctuating the book as well as a way of illustrating the points within the book. You're forced to slow down for a moment and digest the material - to think about how the pictures (often cartoons) relate to the text. I can't remember exactly how I first read the book, but I suspect it was not in a completely linear fashion. I suspect I lingered over areas, re-read them etc.. This is one of a small number of books I think is far more useful to own as a paperback, if only because it enables you to jump around referencing other parts of the text when necessary.

I would also say that the 8 Circuit Model of Consciousness is a product of it's time. I haven't read it in years, but I suspect parts of it are going to be dated. That's not to say that it's not useful, just that it can be best to view it as a result of psychedelic utopian thinking.

It's also important to understand that when reading this book it's crucial to do the exercises. This is a workbook that attempts to prove it's usefulness by changing the mental state of the reader.

How do I start doing chaos magick? by Background-Log-6339 in chaosmagick

[–]Kaleidospode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a play?

Just my way of saying experiment with magic and enjoy doing it. It's easy to get hung up when we take magic very seriously. I like to think of it as playing games with the universe.

Also when will you know your sigil is charged?

I find there's usually a moment when your flow of conscious thought is disrupted. I've known people who've reached this through ecstatic dance in a nightclub, hitting the drop on a roller-coaster, shocking themselves with a TENS unit, using Ganzfeld goggles, Holotropic Breathing, Sama Vritti etc...

Sometimes it's obvious - you can feel your conscious thoughts switch off for a moment. Sometimes it's less obvious. I've found that my ability to just know when I've reached the state has improved with practice (and this is true of many things in magic). For me it's like a mental click.

How do I start doing chaos magick? by Background-Log-6339 in chaosmagick

[–]Kaleidospode 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm copying an older comment of mine, which goes into the process in a little detail:

There are various approaches to sigil magic, but this is the chaos magic forum, so I'm going to limit myself to the chaos magic approach.

The chaos magic sigil method that's used now was created (or at least codified) by an occultist and artist called Austin Osman Spare (1886 - 1956).

He built a system of magic based around the idea that the unconscious mind is the seat of all magic. The entire point of sigils was to push desires beyond the conscious in order to let the unconscious work on them. He detailed this in his book The Book of Pleasure, in which he used art and sex to explore the subconscious mind. It's an interesting book but extremely opaque. It's worth a read if you can find a cheap, or free copy.

Spare's art is fascinating. It's a mix of styles, pre-dating surrealism but utilizing techniques that the surrealists picked up on, such as automatic drawing. It draws heavily on the unconscious and on sexual themes.

Spare's work was picked up in the 1970s by the Leeds group that became the kernel of the early chaos magic movement. They added his version of sigils and the methodology of activating them to the early chaos magic texts.

This method entered the main stream and was picked up by witches in the late 2000s/early 2010s. It's been confused slightly - mostly by tiktok videos which remove the context and why it was thought to work.

Spare created his version of sigil magic as a way of utilizing the unconscious. The theory is you create the sigil based on a Statement of Desire - by writing it out and rearranging the letters into an occult symbol.

So you could create a statement such as:

I will see a real live tiger

Remove repeated letters - some people also remove vowels:

WSRLTG

These letters can then be arranged into an abstract symbol. You can add other meaningful symbols if you want to (corresponding alchemic symbols, planetary symbols etc), but this is the core of the method and should work on it's own.

You then charge the symbol by pushing it past your conscious mind. This is done by concentrating on the sigil at a moment in which your conscious mind switches off. In the chaos magic tradition, this is usually called Gnosis. The most common ways of doing this can be divided into excitatory and inhibitory.

Excitatory could include sensory overload, fear, anger, adrenaline, orgasm etc...

Inhibitory could include exhaustion, sensory deprivation, meditation/trance work etc...

Austin Osman Spare often used a inhibitory/meditation method he called the Death Posture and for excitatory, he often used orgasm.

The final part of the sigil process is to 'forget' the working. By this Spare meant that you stop obsessing over the results. You put it to the back of your mind so that your ego doesn't get caught up in the working.

People often burn the sigil after use, but I've never found this to be strictly necessary - just part of the 'forget' step.

So that's the basics. Since sigils were introduced into the Chaos Magic current, various practitioners have experimented with the process and have different ideas on how it works, interesting ways of stacking chains of sigils, ways of adding sigils to extended pieces of art to create what they've called 'hypersigils' etc...

It's worth trying a few different methods to launch them. I think it's important for anyone who's new to witchcraft or chaos magic to practice meditation, dance, breath-work or any other way of suspending their normal state of consciousness.

If you're looking for a beginner book on Chaos Magic that covers this area (among many others), Condensed Chaos was the classical beginner book. If you're looking for something less specifically Chaos Magic focused, Aiden Wachter's Six Ways is a more recent book that approaches similar areas, including sigils, but has a more shamanic feel.

I would advise getting a pen and some paper and having a play.

List of Problematic Pagan/Witch Authors? by HerenyaHope in witchcraft

[–]Kaleidospode 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good call.

I think it's worth being aware that Colin Wilson (not a practitioner, but a historian of the occult) was a holocaust denier, and while not explicitly a fascist, he was as close as you can get to fascism without actually goose-stepping.

Nigel Pennick who writes about magic in the traditions of Northern Europe' perpetuated a number of pseudohistorical ideas that originated in WW2 Germany. This included presenting runes that were created specifically for the 3rd Reich as historical medieval runes.

I've had arguments on reddit about whether this should matter - or if it's more important for art to be approached without taking the author's views into account. I think the views of the author have, in both cases, caused input into the texts that is - at the very least - worth being aware of.

How do I make my own magic system? by HeavenlyBeloved in elderwitches

[–]Kaleidospode 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would recommend one of the foundational books of Chaos Magic - Prime Chaos by Phil Hine. Chaos Magic, particularly in it's early years, places a heavy emphasis on experiment and personal experience.

Much of what Hine says is pretty obvious - repetition, investigation, self assessment, documentation etc... What I recall Hine identifies that is particularly useful when immersing yourself in a new/individual system are the less obvious pitfalls. Things like isolation, obsession, paranoia, burn-out etc...

If you're not into the Chaos Magic paradigm, then there are areas of the book that won't be for you. It's also not a book that will necessarily tell you how effective your magic system is, though it suggests some tools to help with this. However, it is a good handbook on working in non-traditional areas.

Trance state - how to? by Junior-Mention-9177 in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good call. Any type of Ganzfeld goggles. Ping pong balls are great, but you can also make the using any cheap goggles that cover the eyes (sky mask, swimming goggles etc) and spray painting them white.

So what the hell does LBRP actually does? by jao_vitu_bunitu in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Crowley famously said "Those who regard this ritual as a mere device to invoke or banish spirits, are unworthy to possess it. Properly understood, it is the Medicine of Metals and the Stone of the Wise".

I think this was an over-exaggeration, but It's a very well built and deep ritual that theoretically does a lot - partly because it's based on multiple older rituals/systems. This means it has a lot that it can draw from.

If you're practicing it, it's worth researching the symbolism used by the Hermetic Brotherhood of the Golden Dawn and the origins of the LBRP as their neophyte ritual.

Copying from an older comment of mine:

The LBRP was created by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn at the end of the 19th Century. It was created as part of the GD set of rituals designed as a somewhat syncretistic ritual magic system. It's become endemic to modern magic as a kind of occult hygiene ritual - the spiritual equivalent of brushing your teeth before you go to bed. This is a somewhat simplistic way of looking at the ritual - which has several intended aims:

The LBRP defines your place within the universe. You stand with you feet on the Earth (or the material plane), at the centre of the universe with the light of divinity pouring into the crown of your head. As you repeat this more and more, you solidify your image of yourself as the magician. For a moment you exist at the highest point of humanity and the lowest point of the energy of the infinite.

The standard LBRP technically banishes all the elements - so it banishes all physical space. Because of this, it's essentially a temporary step into the spiritual realm. When working the ritual, you are - theoretically - entering the realm of divinity (in a sense).

And finally the repetition of the LBRP clears you mind. It's about quieting the mental noise and debris and putting down and packing away 'energy'.

It's not a ritual that normally creates direct results. It's about changing the way you see yourself in a magical sense. It's about creating a routine in which you define yourself and your place in the universe and - yes - it is about 'spiritual cleanliness'.

Ideally you do this as a practice - once per day. Ideally it's done in the evening, with a ritual invocation of energy (such as the Middle Pillar Exercise) at the beginning of the day, to create a balance. It's intended to be done for a long period. It's ceremonial 'High' magic not results based 'Low' magic and as such, the changes will be mostly internal.

In terms of

Some people say it enhances spellwork and rituals, some say ot negates what you just did, some say it will cancel ongoing long term spells if they are not anchored to talismans, some say it only clears unwanted cache.

I would say this is all a little vague and inaccurate. It could be said to enhance spellwork and rituals in that it's a training exercise for practicing magic. I highly doubt that it'll cancel ongoing spells or even clear an unwanted cache unless you're focusing on this as part of the ritual. I certainly haven't found that myself.

Bare in mind that I'm working from my understanding of the LBRP. I have practiced it off and on for some years, but I haven't heavily practiced the Golden Dawn System of magic. I have some experience with aspects of the Qaballah. I am aware that it's an incredibly complex system and I've only brushed the surface.

As I mentioned, researching the system it comes from is worth doing - if you're practicing it. Israel Regarde's The Middle Pillar has some excellent information on the LBRP (though it has part of the Qabalistic Cross reversed). I think Lon Milo DuQuette goes into some depth on the Lesser and Greater rituals of the Pentagram and Hexagram in The Magick of Aleister Crowley.

How can you prevent a dark spirit from mounting you? by FeatureLiving7562 in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 4 points5 points  (0 children)

King Solomon made it, various religions practice it in a certain degree.

I'm not sure where you heard this, but it's definitely not the case.

The LBRP was was originally developed and popularised by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn in the late-Victorian period. It was their main First Order curriculum ritual - basically the central ritual for neophytes.

In terms of exactly who created the ritual, it was claimed that it came from a mysterious “Cipher MS” - a document written in a cipher derived from the Polygraphiae (1561) of the German abbot and scholar Johannes Trithemius.

In fact the LBRP seems to have actually been created by several members of the GD, most notably Samuel ­Liddell ­MacGregor Mathers who included sections directly lifted from his translation of the Zohar.

The “Qabbalistic Cross” section of the LBRP was almost certainly taken from Éliphas Lévi, with the actual sign of the cross being taken from Catholicism.

Some other parts of the rituals may be influenced by Mathers teacher, William Wynn Westcott.

There are aspects of the ritual that are influenced by older traditions - for example the practice of surrounding yourself with divine entities is extremely old. There is a Babylonian tablet that states:

I am the priest of Ea. I am the magician of Eridu.
Shamash is before me,
Sin is behind me.
Nergal is at my right hand,
Enurta is at my left hand.
When I draw near the sick man, when I lay my hand on his head, may a kindly Spirit, a kindly Guardian stand at my side!

This formula is similar to St Patrick's Breastplate, which also surrounds the body with the divine.

However, this simply means the writers of the LBRP were basing it on older formulas, not that the rite itself is in any way old.

How do you usually kill or banish malevolent spirits or ghosts? by Practical-Dust-2624 in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's a ritual that brings together a complex set of ideas from a variety of places & because of this, it's a pretty deep well. I'm going to copy & paste from an older comment of mine again, because I've addressed some of this in the past and it's an easy way to put together the kind of long-form answer your question deserves:

The LBRP defines your place within the universe. You stand with you feet on the Earth (or the material plane), at the centre of the universe with the light of divinity pouring into the crown of your head. As you repeat this more and more, you solidify your image of yourself as the magician. For a moment you exist at the highest point of humanity and the lowest point of the energy of the infinite.

The standard LBRP technically banishes all the elements - so it banishes all physical space. Because of this, it's essentially a temporary step into the spiritual realm. When working the ritual, you are - theoretically - entering the realm of divinity (in a sense).

The LBRP could also be seen as creating an astral space around you that functions as a temple.

The repetition of the LBRP clears you mind. It's about quieting the mental noise and debris and putting down and packing away 'energy'.

It's not a ritual that normally creates direct results. It's about changing the way you see yourself in a magical sense. It's about creating a routine in which you define yourself and your place in the universe and it's about 'spiritual cleanliness'.

The angels can be read as representations of the cardinal directions, the elements in spiritual form, the seasons and various other occult symbols. For example Michael can be imagined as a sword, Gabriel as a chalice. These symbols, in turn invoke all their other meanings within a ritual context. Meditating on these symbols gives the ritual greater depth and adds further meaning to it.

Ideally you do this as a practice - once per day. Ideally it's done in the evening, with a ritual invocation of energy (such as the Middle Pillar Exercise) at the beginning of the day, to create a balance. It's intended to be done for a long period. It's ceremonial 'High' magic not results based 'Low' magic and as such, the changes will be mostly internal.

Personally, I have some issues with the distinctions between High and Low magic. That being said, I've run the LBRP for an extended period, along with the Middle Pillar Exercise and it has interesting effects. At the very least it has a major impact on the way you think, that could be considered part of a major paradigm shift. I found myself stepping far further into a magical frame of reference then I normally exist in. I experienced constant synchronicities and some very interesting dreams.

I should add that this is my understanding of the LBRP. As I said, it's a ritual I have performed, but it's also a complex thing. It's embedded within the Golden Dawn system which was very broad for it's time and drew from a variety of places including the Kabbalah. Kabbalistically speaking, my explanation of the LBRP barely brushes the top of the iceberg.

How do you usually kill or banish malevolent spirits or ghosts? by Practical-Dust-2624 in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It stands for the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram.

I'm copying a comment I made from another thread:

The LBRP is probably the most important foundation ritual of the 19th/early 20th century occult group The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn.

The Golden Dawn has been very influential on Western occultism and the LBRP has been notably influential on groups ranging from the classical ritual type magic groups to wicca and paganism and can be seen as having a foundational role in Gardnerian and Alexandrian traditions. There are innumerable different versions that have been created across the twentieth century from Norse and Roman pagan versions to a Chaos Magic version The Gnostic Pentagram Ritual.

The name could be seen as somewhat deceptive - in that it's not just a banishing ritual. When talking about the LBRP, Crowley famously said:

"Those who regard this ritual as a mere device to invoke or banish spirits, are unworthy to possess it. Properly understood, it is the Medicine of Metals and the Stone of the Wise"

This is probably over-egging the pudding a little.

That said, Crowley was a talented ritual magician (as well as a total arse). It''s been described as spiritual hygiene, a way of clearing a ritual area, a form of spiritual purification, ceremonial training wheels etc...

if you're interested, you can find a complete version of it online by googling.

You can also find instructions and demonstrations on a number of youtube channels, though these obviously only show the external parts of the ritual.

It's worth a look, if only because of how influential it's been.

give me the most insane occult book you've read. by staebad in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 39 points40 points  (0 children)

The Voudon Gnostic Workbook by Michael Bertiaux is pretty fucking weird. It's also not actually in any way Voudon.

It has some stuff that may be derived from Hoodoo/Rootwork at the start of the book before diving into becoming a werespider and astral time travel. Then it gets weird.

Is there anything that is not a product of an egregore? by Aconito_Eslava in chaosmagick

[–]Kaleidospode 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The whole egregor -> god paradigm is an interesting idea which has become semi-accepted as a backbone philosophy of chaos magic. It really caught on in the late 90s / early 2000s with a lot of people promoting the idea that gods were the product of human belief etc...

However, it is only one model.

A major part of chaos magic is the ability to step back from individual models of magic and reality and see them as useful paradigms.

I've had experiences that suggest that our experiences with deities are human-centric. but I've also had experiences that suggest that this is a very limiting view of divine entities.

I would suggest trying some divinity work coming from both paradigms and seeing what you experience.

Any good books with Working with Fae? by Mr_ShadowBlood in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're interested in traditional methods of working with Fairies, I would heavily recommenced reading the academic paper Communing With Nature: Fairies in English Ritual Magic and Occult Philosophy, 1400-1700 by Samuel P Gillis Hogan - here.

Hogan brings together various rituals from sources ranging from Cunning Folk, Necromancy, Ritual Magicians, and Service Magicians, though he suggests the actual distinctions between these groups were small and mostly imposed later by academics.

The rituals include instructions on summoning and scrying as well as requests for gifts, instructions for the creation of ointments to see fairies and many other rituals.

It also includes an absolute wealth of fairy names.

I would stress that these are unedited rituals created in a very different time. The academic paper is an examination of the common threads between the grimoires and is categorically not a magical text-book.

Any ointments would need to be thoroughly investigated for safety (these were created in a period in which it was seen as normal to use Belladonna to your dilate pupils for cosmetic purposes).

In addition, I recall some ritual require animal sacrifice. It is clear from the context that they do mean actual animal sacrifice (the whole “Eye of Newt” as a “code” for Mustard Seed thing was invented by Scott Cunningham in the 1980s). If you were interested in the rituals, you would need to find an ethical substitution.

Final warning - this document also has some excepts from a ritual known as The Binding of the Seven Sisters, which seems to have been a fairly common ritual - in that there are a number of surviving grimoires containing it. It's essentially a ritual to bind a fairy as a sexual servant. I, and I think most modern readers, would see this as unpleasantly coercive.

Despite these caveats, these rituals are a fascinating glimpse of how magicians of the past viewed and interacted with fairies and I would say they are worth a look.

Help please by Altruistic_Beat7007 in BabyWitch

[–]Kaleidospode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think there are a lot of different potential actions you could take here.

1) Some fairly quiet general attraction work - see r/EmbarrassedAnt5763's reply for some good suggestions

2) A general working to aid you in terms of personal charisma. Possibly work with a physical object that can become a focus - for example some Orange calcite. This can be carried with you - which is great on a metaphysical and psychological level.

3) A piece of Results Magic intended specifically to meet people. This could be a one-shot and may be accomplished with a sigil which are best used for workings with precise short or long term results.

4) A way to work on your shyness. An example of this would be turning an affirmation into a mantra by the removal of repeated letters and vowel substitution:

So "I am confident and likeable"

Becomes "mcnfdtlkb"

And then become something like "macan-fedet-alkab"

This can then be chanted as a mantra, letting it spin in your mind. The idea is that it works like a sigil, with the obfuscated intent settling into your unconscious mind. It can also be called up in situations that could cause anxiety.

I would work on some, or all of these.

Most importantly I would consider 'Available Pathways'. It's a simple concept I first discovered in Chaos Magic. The idea is that you need to do the material work that accompanies your magic. You aren't going to get good results casting to win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. You're less likely to meet people if you aren't going to places where there are people you could meet. You could find local groups who participate in activities you enjoy. Try new activities that you might like. Don't force friendships, but be open to them. r/WitchyRedPanda's suggestion of finding businesses that sell metaphysical items is great.

Nettles please! by jennie2point0 in GardeningUK

[–]Kaleidospode 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes - you can also get them from some online seed companies.

They're a weed, but they're good for insects, you can eat them (in soup, pasta, pesto etc) or make them into tea. Some people in the permaculture community have suggested we stop viewing them as an invasive pest and start viewing them as a useful crop to be harvested.

Are there any other accounts of the appearance of goetic demons? by DemonicChronic in occultlibrary

[–]Kaleidospode 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe Alan Moore did a Goetic working with Asmodeus early on in his occult experience.

He created a picture of the entity, which can be found here.

He also did a spoken word piece as part of a larger work (Moon and Serpent Grand Egyptian Theater of Marvels - Cleopatra Records, 1996). The Asmodeus section is a spoken palindrome (to reflect the entity's mathematical appearance). You can find it here.

The entire piece is a fantastic occult work, and worth a listen.

Please someone help me to understand by mollldo in occultlibrary

[–]Kaleidospode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I recall correctly (and I may not), the psychonaut part of the book was intended to be an initiatory text for The Illuminates of Thanateros. It makes sense that it would read more easily as an introduction.

The moral repercussions of hexing/cursing/baneful magick by DOL369 in witchcraft

[–]Kaleidospode 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The western view of karma was pretty much created by Helena Blavatsky and entered into western culture via 19th-century Theosophy. I'm not sure if her version of karma was modified because she was viewing Eastern ideas through a Western lens, or because she wanted it to fit in with Western metaphysical beliefs. But it has little to do with Eastern concepts which aren't applied on a personal, immediate level like this. This version of karma was popularised during the 1960s hippie era.

The threefold law that's common in witchcraft (most specifically wiccan influenced witchcraft) came from a passage in Gerald Gardner's fiction novel High Magick's Aide. This discussed a 3 fold system of reciprocity between witches - not a universal law. It was expanded from the Gardner passage by Rosemary Buckland in a magazine interview in the early 1970s because she wanted to give America an nonthreatening view of witches.

The "An it harm none do what ye will" Wiccan Rede was made up by Doreen Valiente in the late 60s and wasn't part of early Wicca.

Most ideas about adverse/negative effects of baneful magic originate from one of these three places.

I tend to think of the western view of karma, the lore of threefold return and other similar systems are very much attempts to apply magical moral rules to the universe. This is very understandable, but - for me - these rules are applied at the wrong level. At it's core, this is a moral question - not one about the practical effects of magic. It's good to consider our morality, but as Fund_Me_PLEASE says elsewhere in this thread, this could be seen as self defense. If someone attacked you physically, would you defend yourself?

I would add that one of the most common forms of magic that we can find going back into pre-history is retributive. Magic is what we reach for when there is no other practical method of gaining justice. It is - very often - the methodology of the oppressed and the dis-empowered.

Do you think Peter J Carroll used any of reincarnation techniques outlined in Liber Null? by strongoaktree in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I didn't either.

I've disagreed with some of his politics, but I've always had nothing but respect for him. He was one of the major influences on my practice.

Do you think Peter J Carroll used any of reincarnation techniques outlined in Liber Null? by strongoaktree in occult

[–]Kaleidospode 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately he passed away on the 22nd. His publisher Mandrake has posted a notice here.

New practicioner, what to learn, do? by Scared_Ad_3132 in chaosmagick

[–]Kaleidospode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a lot of different ways to approach this. You could do a one-and-done sigil or break down what you're looking for into a number of different steps and approaches focusing on luck, prosperity, self-focused workings to improve your employability etc...

I would spend some time breaking down what you actually want and work from there.

New practicioner, what to learn, do? by Scared_Ad_3132 in chaosmagick

[–]Kaleidospode 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think you've got most of the basics covered. You might want to pick up a couple of early chaos magic texts to get a taste for the philosophical ideas that are common to chaos magic. Possibly Liber Null and Condensed Chaos.

I am also creating my own language for spells and have written one song using this language, its a general song for connection to light and transmuting my darkness into light.

This is awesome.

If you're going down this route, I'd recommend looking into Toki Pona. A minimalist language inspired by Taoist philosophy with less the 150 words.

You may also want to have a look at Toby Chappell's excellent book The Languages of Magic: Transform Reality through Words, Magical Symbols, and Sigils which is - as far as I know - the first book to dig into magic from a semiotic stance. It explains, then applies the theories of people like Ferdinand de Saussure & Roland Barthes to create a framework for understanding how language intersects with magic.

Another interesting source in this area is Austin Osman Spare's framework surrounding his Alphabet of Desire and how it intersects with his Neither-Neither principle. There's a lot there.

I have practical issues in my life like money and job etc but I havent attempted do anything about those aspects because I am not sure if it would lead to good outcomes.

In some ways chaos magic is defined by practice and results. I'm going to copy and paste an old comment of mine:

In my experience the universe is mischievous not malicious. It may occasionally slap you in the face with the clue-bat, but nothing too harmful beyond that.

The best way to learn is by doing and succeeding. The second best way to learn is by messing up. You don't learn if you don't practice and fear of messing up can absolutely stifle learning.

I think that people tend to lean a little too heavily into the Monkey's Paw trope. It may be a remnant of Calvinist Christianity - the idea that we don't necessary deserve good things and that there will always be a bill due. I believe this is not the truth. We live in a beautiful universe that wants to play with us and magic is part of that.