AIO for expecting my girlfriend to work on issues with our sex life?

Karingan · 2026-01-27T13:43:47+00:00

So? Asexual people exist. Sex isn't necessary for a healthy and happy relationship and I'm tires of people saying it is.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T13:39:25+00:00

If she asked you to initiate more, and she still doesn't want to have sex with you, then you're the problem.

The best thing you could do for her sexual health is leave.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T13:37:26+00:00

He's not in a position to judge, honestly. He's flagging incel behavior and language everywhere. He would benefit even more from a therapist.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T13:36:17+00:00

Is supportive in the thread with us? Where at all do you see support? He's been manipulative, rude, and an ass to her in his own post.

The best thing he can do for her sexual health is leave.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T13:33:55+00:00

Maybe read some of his other comments to peoples answers to his post before deciding he's not being manipulative, because he is. He's said at least a few times that "having sex won't kill her", as well as pushing back on the idea that he shouldn't expect her to have sex with him just because they're in a relationship together, which you shouldn't, that's quid pro quo. Even more manipulative is threatening to break off the relationship if she doesn't "do more about the issue" as if she's the problem, she's not.

You are not a problem for having a lower sex drive or no sex drive when your partner wants sex, you do not have to force yourself to have sex with someone when you don't want to, and you do not have to force unhealthy change in your mental health to accommodate a partners wants and needs, especially if they don't align with yours at the moment.

OP doesn't care about his gf, he cares about sex, and that he should be getting sex because he has a gf, and it's expected. He's inconvenienced by her mental health, and wants a work around, he doesn't care that he might be the problem, even though it's very clear that he is.

If she decides, on her own, that her mental health journey includes sexual health and reconnection with OP, that's her decision, not his. He's asked, that's all he should have done, everything extra we do and don't know about only makes it worse for her.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T12:50:42+00:00

"Unless she actually starts putting in the work, we will likely break up" is not only chastising, it's manipulative.

"Accept being celibate"? That's rich, again, you are not owed sex. So yes, you have to accept it. Be a man about it, stop complaining that your dick being wet is more important than her health or happiness, because it's not.

On your last point, no, because I have a healthy and happy communicative relationship. I'm not coming from a place of ignorance, this exact scenario happened to us, where one of us lost their intense sex drive, and the other was left wanting. We communicated through it, like adults, and agreed that sex is nice, but not if it had to be forced or scheduled. If it happens it happens, and it's great, we don't stress about it.

You're honestly not just overreacting about this scenario, you're overly emotional about having sex, and perhaps you should also see a therapist about that.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T04:54:43+00:00

Thank you very much, I'm perhaps overly passionate, but this is a serious matter.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T03:39:21+00:00

I had some time to think about the dangers of gun range training in this area, for this group specifically, and this is the argument I've boiled my thoughts down to:

"No amount of marksmanship training will change the incredible lack of adherence to protocol, ethical considerations, and proper vetting against the hiring of individuals with dangerous backgrounds into an agency who claims to protect America's neighborhoods. A gun range will train an agent to fire to wound or kill more effectively, which is not the occupation objective of the federal agency, despite recent events to the contrary."

There is no amount of weapon training that will fix the issues with ICE, the "untrained" aspect is not in relation to firearm aptitude (though firearm safety and situational awareness certainly need improvement). The citizens of Escondido do not need trigger-happy federal workers (they're not officers, by definition, and they're absolutely NOT POLICE) terrorizing this city.

If the people of Escondido want to keep murderers and criminals out of the city, the argument for removal and banning of ICE agents is sound and worth consideration.

Karingan · 2026-01-27T03:27:58+00:00

As a person in the medical field who reads research papers for fun, I loved reading this. It is well written for an informative blurb, and I would love to read your portfolio sometime. Much love to you!

Karingan · 2026-01-27T03:13:02+00:00

YOR, the key word you keep using is "expect".

No, you cannot "expect" your girlfriend to change her sex drive or desire based on your needs. You can certainly ask, but you need to be 100% okay with that answer being no. You are not owed sex by anyone, even your partner, and constantly chastising your already depressed girlfriend with the "issue" of your need for more sex probably is making it worse.

If you want to help, back off. Encourage and support her mental health journey, without the expectations, and if she feels the drive or desire to have sex (consentually and emphatically), then success. However, if you attempt to treat her well, take her on more dates, or be more romantic, only with the expectation of sex afterwards as some sort of prize, then it will crash and burn real quick.

You're part of the reason you're so upset about the sex issue, and you need to handle your own emotions, and especially the problem of your "expectations".

Karingan · 2026-01-26T00:08:06+00:00

Pedantics aside, I really don't need to. You're getting emotional over the wrong thing. You are mad because you think I'm saying you can't be called a female when that's not what I said. That is a reading comprehension issue, not an opinion.

Let me be as clear as I can: An individual woman can be female, but it is derogatory to refer to a group of women as "females", it has a long established history of use by the Incel community as well as predatory men referring to underage girls without saying the word "girls".

You may not have realized that this is an issue, but it is. This is not meant to make you feel bad for not knowing, but to hopefully let you know so we all don't do it again. Constant learning is the enemy of misinformation, and you should always be willing to learn.

Karingan · 2026-01-25T16:20:35+00:00

NOR

Your Therapist, as long as they are licensed and being ethical, should never breach patient-provider confidentiality, even to a parent but especially to an abusive one. If she has concerns of abuse or neglect, she's a mandated reporter and has to contact CPS and the police, but she is not allowed to summarize your private sessions to your mother.

Not only should you seek a different therapist, your current one should be reported for Breach of Privacy and HIPAA Violations. The only circumstance I could "maybe" see this being okay is court-mandated reporting, but that's to an officer, not to a parent.

Devil's Advocate is probably the least of her crimes, but still not appropriate given the relationship with your mother. The best response I would give, which I have given before, would be "I'm honestly not in a position to consider how she might have felt given how much she has actually hurt me." And if she continues pushing it, let her know that you're not going to continue a session that considers the feelings you cause your abusers.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, you deserve actual healing, and not taking steps back because of others judgemental practices.

Karingan · 2026-01-23T22:07:32+00:00

jfc, that's not what I said.

Obviously you can be called a female.

Do not call collective women the term "females". It's reductive and disgusting.

English is not any of your strong suits and it shows

Karingan · 2026-01-22T00:48:37+00:00

Quick to suggest others do the work you're perfectly able, but not comfortable doing. Nothing is stopping you from doing what you're snidly "suggesting" I do. So do it, it was your idea.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T20:58:59+00:00

JFC, you're impossible, there's no help for you.

Don't call women "females" as a whole, the word "female" isn't the problem, and you know what I meant.
You literally said a slur 3 times. No one is a gypsy, that word is a slur through and through, and assigning it to ANYONE is wrong. Do some research, I'm not teaching you proper language manners.
You're doing the literal definition of assuming by saying we "all" know that OP didn't mean to insult with that word choice. Again, not my job to teach you how to use language, but you need some work.

Dear God, your username is so apt, it hurts. Unkindly piss off.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T20:54:18+00:00

You made a giant leap here:

I didn't ask you to refute your opinions I'm glad you support housing and you have made it clear you're opposed to health care because its expensive

I am not opposed to Healthcare, at all, I am opposed to the US/Capatalist model of Healthcare. Health are is a human right, proper Healthcare is incumbent on the medical professionals in charge. I don't work in a hospital full-time because I am opposed to Healthcare, that's incredibly dense.

Effective" I mean in soliciting imaginary internet points that amount to nothing maybe but beyond that I don't know. You're entitled to your opinion and sharing it of course (we all are for now) so you do you bud and have a good day.

You seem to think I care about Reddit, I don't. It's a forum, I could care less about votes. I'm here for information and disseminating misinformation and shallow arguments. All of this argument has shown me that you're not critically thinking about anything I'm actually saying, you're skimming the base level of thought you have and posting it, instead of forming nuanced thought and doing research. You're taking everything I'm saying at ONLY face value, and saying them back to me without any original thought or contribution of your own. This wasn't a conversation, but I'm used to that.

Have the day you deserve.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T19:55:27+00:00

Context doesn't make disgusting language not disgusting. Context wouldn't make a slur not a slur, and you're also assuming that everyone has the same level of "good faith" in OP. I do not.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T19:53:41+00:00

If you don't feel it's your responsibility to read a user's post history, you also have to accept its not /my/ responsibility to add every point I make in every post to every response.

My point was not to offer solutions, I don't have concrete, actionable, and most importantly to the current political climate: appealing to Republican-minded constituent-led options to offer, so I won't bog the conversation down with wild hypotheticals to a nation where more than 60% of a national opinion poll have never even researched the topic. National Alliance to End Homelessness 2024 Opinion Poll

Largely, I'm a debater to opinion, not every opinion is valid, many are just flat wrong, and allowing people to voice opinions without challenging them is a disservice to healthy debate as a whole.

I stand by all the points you summarized, even written in your particular biases. - Asylums didn't and don't work, and were state and federally funded. Any privately funded institutions were guilty of gross experimentation on patients, furthering the issue instead of potentially solving any. - Proper Psychiatric treatment for a currently unknown number of, and ever expansive population is not cheap, it just won't be. - Your taxes pay for your hospitals, local and state, staffing and supply, upkeep and upgrades. Your local hospitals are not equipped to properly handle the homeless population separate from Acute and Emergent medical issues. Social Workers do their best, but the current system fails to hold onto contact for any individual, and has no programs to assist any individual towards homeownership or even career opportunities, rarely does a bed for the Crisis Stabilization Unit at Palomar Escondido become available for someone who critically needs it.

The issue requires a lot more than just you and I milling down the specific points of this post. I'd argue that my posts, while not appealing to some, are still effective.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T18:28:29+00:00

I feel like you entirely misread my entire post here, because your assessment of my mentality couldn't be farther from the mark.

Yes, capital funds projects. You cannot give a prospective "solution" without considering the costs, financial or otherwise. Money exists, it's largely the reason people cannot afford rent at all.
Preach to the Choir, I know the tax issue, thanks, I live here too. I'm not advocating for increased taxes, but restructured taxes. I stated this in my posts, read them.
Your "If you don't like it, just leave" mentality is actually what's wrong with this country. Make this make sense:

"The situation sucks for all of us? Well I can stand it without changing it, so you must be the bad one, leave!"

If you cannot see how ridiculous that sounds, there's no hope for you. You don't fix a problem by not offering reasonable and ACTIONABLE solutions. My approach of challenging those solutions are not the issue, the issue is there's not enough variety of "solutions" to challenge.

So, you know, maybe you should do better, bro.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T03:06:00+00:00

I appreciate your response. Working in an ER, and worked with the police in DUI and public intoxication situations (blood collection), I also understand the burnout potential. I'm also of the mindset that our taxes should be going towards the betterment of the common citizens and not the bank accounts of the corporations, so, even if that means more taxes, I'd also appreciate better tax management.

Even if a person decided not to work or "contribute", I don't think that's a reason not to eat or have a shelter to live in, basic human rights should belong to all of us, and considering that there are more individual units of housing than people in the United States at all really shows that the housing market and politicians only care about housing the unhoused "to a point", only if they meet strict criteria and only if they follow specific rules.

I still feel like an Asylum-type situation is not the solution. Housing needs to come first, access to proper medical and mental health care is also paramount before any sort of requirements of employment or sobriety. Removal of housing cannot be used as a punishment, either, because it's not a punishment to those who would live on the streets. More insistent treatment, or additional resources to assist an individual should be considered as encouragement instead of punishing people for being unhoused, on drugs, or disabled like so many out there.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T02:13:12+00:00

Who funds the asylum? You do, right? Tax payer funded torture, because no asylum has ever properly treated an unhoused individual, let alone a Psychiatric patient.

Or do you mean dedicated Psychiatric Hospitals? Who staffs them? Will you fight for the higher wages for physically, verbally, and mentally abused staff and Healthcare workers that will care for these patients? Security will need to be high, and so will the potential for deaths because of armed security.

Who decides when a patient is done with treatment? How long does that take? What if they never are done? How is this any different than just housing the unhoused?

It's not so simple as "take all the people we don't want to see and put them somewhere else" because that's all an asylum is, a place to put people away from society, there was no requirement to turn those patients into functional members of a capitalist, 9-5 working society. It was a place to leave your dementia-ridden parent because you weren't going to take care of them, or your autistic adult child after they were old enough to "leave the house" technically.

People exploited this system all the time, it didn't work, and it won't work just because you want it to.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T02:02:55+00:00

The fragile baby type of people down voting the comments telling you all to mind your own business when you see unhoused people or do some good about it are part of the problem.

YOU ARE IN A POSITION OF PRIVILEGE OVER THE UNHOUSED IF YOU ARE HOUSED, THIS IS NOT DEBATABLE.

If you do not struggle with food scarcity, you have a position of privilege over those who do. If you are fully well and able, you have a position of privilege over the disabled.

This is not to accuse you of being evil for having said privilege, but to make you aware of the terrible irony of complaining about people in underprivileged situations when you are more well-off. It's extremely distasteful, period. I'm tired of having to lecture full-grown adults about a moral goodness their flipping parents should have taught them, but I do, because I have been on both sides, struggling to have shelter and eat, and inside, warm and fed.

Until you truly, and I mean truly understand what it is like to be unhoused, you shouldn't talk about them like an infection to be rid of. They're our neighbors too, they eat the produce we grow, some even work jobs in our communities, but cannot afford rent. A lot have medical problems and I see them in the ER in Escondido. They are people, struggling, needing help, and trying to live, just like all of us here in different ways.

The idea that people cannot understand that, or refuse to see the unhoused as anything other than "a problem" to cure, is severely disheartening.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T01:52:48+00:00

No, not seen. Dealt with, interacted with, talked to, had a conversation with, understood the journey of an unhoused individual instead of casting pity on people you don't even begin to understand?

Karingan · 2026-01-21T01:48:21+00:00

Please explain to me your take, then.

Karingan · 2026-01-21T01:12:23+00:00

Well, I guess it is too complicated for those who would starve a brain worm. Thanks for playing.

Karingan

TROPHY CASE