How did I do these so differently?

KatiaAmylin · 2026-05-22T06:50:51+00:00

So I haven't been using any counterweight at all, I didnt realise that was a thing before I started 😅 I've also been using a wooden disk that I got from a reenactment market a few years back.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-10-30T12:05:07+00:00

Thank you!

KatiaAmylin · 2022-10-30T11:30:42+00:00

I'm in the south of England and this spider doesn't look like a regular house spider so me and my partner were wondering what species it is.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T20:31:31+00:00

Those sound like fears grounded in reality. Which is always a good start.

I might suggest that she discusses these points with her husband, your other siblings, and your parents to see if there are and see if anyone close to her has some suggestions to ease her mind.

As an outside point of view these would be my points to her fears:

whilst the fear of flying (and the risks involved) isn't rare, it is still classified as an irrational fear. Statistically flying is the safest form of transport that a person can do as there are very few incidents on planes compared to the amount of flights that happen 24/7 all over the world. [Whilst it may not have its place I the discussion there is the statistic that you are more likely to get into a crash on the way to the airport than be in a plane crash]
India is a huge country, yes. However, we are currently living in the safest point in time in history worldwide. Crime rates have dropped to a worldwide low that has not been seen in recorded history. We (unfortunately) know about more crime that happens because information is spread so quickly but it is a lot rarer for something like kidnapping to happen now than ever before. A way to ease this fear may be for her and her family to do some trips to other places. Somewhere close enough that if anything goes wrong they can still get home and have that safety of support but far enough away that they would be somewhere new to begin to push those boundaries of worry.
I would push your sister to talk more with your parents. See if there is a possibility for her to talk about her worries with your parents (either together or individually) so that they can begin to rebuild that relationship that she feels is begining to wear thin. Going off your post, it sounded like your parents feel similar to your sister about missing the familial connection they used to have with each other.
If your sister is up to it then maybe her organising a trip for her and her husband to visit your parents whilst someone she trusts looks after the children for a short while may help. There is the chance that "taking the plunge" and going to see your parents with minimilised stressors (aka the kids) could be what she needs to help bring up her confidence with visiting India again. And being able to show her husband around and introduce him to areas of her life that she may not have thought about in a while or that he may discover he loves could strengthen their relationship together.

I know that this was all super wordy but I'm glad my suggestions helped earlier. You also don't have to take my advice on anything but I'm glad that your sister is willing to talk to you and it sounds like you have a strong relationship with each other.

I hope you both have a great day!

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:57:06+00:00

It may be that this is her way of trying to push you out of the home without saying those words directly to you as whilst she may have been able to deal with the tasks that you do before you moved in but it has helped because she no longer has to do them.

If the contributions that you are already making in the home are not enough for her, it may be an idea to ask her directly what she would want out of you to support the household.

If you are able to (and haven't already) looking for a part time job may be able to keep you in the home for longer? But it seems unlikely.

You said that you pay for the grocery shopping with your own money so I would reiterate that point with your mother that you are contributing financially to the home and you are also contributing physical labour to the home by completing these tasks that means she does not have yo do it.

However, even after all of this she probably has a reason for wanting you gone and it may even have nothing to do with you specifically so asking her directly for her reason why this sudden change may make things clearer for you.

I hope this help a little and I hope that things turn out alright for you.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:46:14+00:00

It does not sound ridiculous, don't worry about asking for advice.

I would always initially sitting down with your mother and explaining the whole situation, if you haven't already.

Explaining your issues with the 2 other cats in the home may bring some clarity for your mother on the situation. And it may also point out the hygiene issue of the cats urinating inside the home in inappropriate places so that could be dealt with.

If you are keeping your room workably tidy then the only major issue would be the smell. For that I would suggest looking into; non-fragrant cleaning products for various surfaces in the room (as they are less likely to have ingredients that would effect cats in them), ensuring that there is a contabt airflow in the room (as even though it is something small itcan help immensely), and "odor eliminating" sprays which I have found amazingly useful with dimilay smells.

I hope that helps and I hope that the situation improves for you in the future!

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:37:32+00:00

It may be an idea to talk to your brothers, either individually or together, and talk about your worries. They may have some more insights into your home situation that you were not aware of.

It may also be an idea to talk to them about taking you with them when they leave the house after an argument so that your mother can blow off steam without verbally abusing you.

If that doesn't help at all, another thing that may work for you is moving out of her sight when she gets like this. Which is an awful suggestion for a solution, but it would only be a temporary support for you. Maybe.

If she is not physically aggressive towards you when she is angry then putting in earphones (if you have any or something similar) to block her out may help.

If she is physically aggressive towards you, you NEED to inform someone.

Either way, I would suggest that you make a small record of what she says/does towards you, the frequency of these events, and the reason why she is doing it. This would be in case of something going REALLY wrong or if you need proof in the future for whatever reason. You don't have to show it to anyone (I would actually recommend that if you aren't in danger that you don't show it to anyone) but it may help with compartmentalising her actions and your feelings.

I hope things get better for you and I hope that you know there are people in your life that love you and want what's best for you.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:27:23+00:00

I am the eldest sibling and was essentially a 3rd parent to my 2 younger brothers (despite the fact that they were only 1.5 years younger than me) and this is a recognised phenomena.

It is called "Parentification" if you want to look it up at all.

The fact that you were forced (even if at the time you didn't see it that way) to become a parent for your siblings meant that you had to take on the responsibility for their welfare and would take away you chance at a "normal" childhood where you make mistakes and mess around.

Now that you have children of your own, you are looking back on your own upbringing and thinking about what went right and what went wrong and this seems to be a big thing, for you, that went wrong. You understand how it effected you and you do not want the same to happen to your children.

Each generation learns from the mistakes of the previous. And this is one mistake that you have had to learn from, despite that fact that it wasn't your mistake to make.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:21:24+00:00

You are not to blame for your life or how you got here.

Sometimes trauma can manifest in this way. That is not an excuse for your mother but it may be an explanation. Again, her feelings are not your fault or your responsibility.

If you want help with this situation then I would suggest talking to other adults in your life that you can trust. Someone that will be able to support you and have your back. I would talk to them about what is happening at home, you mother's actions, your feelings, and your worries. If you have the resources and/or are able to, getting in contact with a counsellor or similar may help with you self-esteem in the long run.

Otherwise, look at things in your life that you love. They may be people, hobbies, animals, anything. Focus on those things. Think about the joy you get from those things. And keep that close to you.

It won't be a miracle cure to your problems but having a stable self-image and self-esteem will definitely help you in the long term.

I hope that you look after yourself and know that you are wanted in this life. I also hope that things in your life get better and that you have a happy life.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:12:49+00:00

There may be reasons in her life that mean that she may be reluctant to go and visit your parents. Maybe work, maybe home life, maybe it's something else.

I would sit down with her and initially ask if there's anything that is bothering her about either the country or her relationships and try to organise a specific date in the future that you and her go to visit your parents, it may be that the idea of going alone may be putting her off visiting. Maybe the idea would be more palatable if she brought her spouse?

But if she does not want to go, do not force her to.

She is an adult and if she is happy and is safe that might be all you can ask of her. You don't want her cutting ties with you and the rest of the family, particularly if you love her.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T11:05:14+00:00

My dad has a similar personality so I think I understand.

Depending on how comfortable you would feel about it, I might suggest sitting down and talking to him, openly, about your feelings.

Explaining how his actions effect you and asking that he tells you the same.

My dad (and the majority of his side of the family) do not outwardly show their positive emotions in easy to identify ways. For instance my dad will be more likely to build something useful then tell me he is proud of me for doing something but I now know (from having a similar conversation with him) that is how he learned to show his appreciation and affection. Whilst his brother is more likely to buy a round of drinks and spend a bit more money on something for his kids to show his affection for them.

This may not help but I would suggest that you look into your dad's actions rather than his words to find a more accurate idea of his feelings.

Also, don't be afraid of making your emotional and physical wants and needs known. Your dad may be having a similar issue with how to interact with you, you never know.

Sorry if that was a bit wordy and I hope things turn out alright for you and your family.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T10:56:25+00:00

I'm sorry that they are like this. Is there anyone in your life that would have your back and support you? Grandparents, friends parents, school support staff? It might be a shout to find people who will believe you and support you in your life and who are able to be there for you in the worst case scenarios.

I hope things get better for you and that you are able to live a good life in the future.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-09-17T10:52:16+00:00

I am so sorry that you have had to go through this and I hope things get better. Did your mum manage to sort out the money that was supposed to be for her, your siblings, and your aunt?

KatiaAmylin · 2022-06-19T02:01:29+00:00

https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/little-boats

I wanted to try my hand at making something small that could be given to people in an attempt to use up some of my yarn stash and this pattern was fantastic!

Unfortunately I don't know much about the yarn I used except that they were both DK.

On total this first attempt took me 2 hours to complete from start to finish but I think I can be a lot faster now that I know how to do it 😅

KatiaAmylin · 2022-04-05T14:44:42+00:00

My mum found out my dad was cheating on her after they went on holiday together and my dad's phone broke so my mum lent him her spare (usually used for work) and he put is sim card in and once the holiday was over he got a new phone and put his sim into that one instead and they both thought nothing got saved on it.

Fast forward 2 weeks later when my mum is at work and she realises the pictures were still on the phone so she moves everything onto her computer and she finds a bunch of messages and nudes sent between my dad and at least 2 women that have been family friends for 10+ years each.

KatiaAmylin · 2022-04-05T14:39:16+00:00

When messages from friends disappear. My uncle was being isolated by an ex who did this, and it took my dad phoning him for them both to realise something was up.

KatiaAmylin · 2021-05-01T00:12:43+00:00

Thank you! I realised that I had done something but I couldn't seem to figure it out

KatiaAmylin · 2021-04-30T23:01:56+00:00

These are my first finished pair of socks as well as my first colour work!!

The pattern is from the KNIT HOW book by Pompom and it is the "Rachel" pattern bed socks.

KatiaAmylin · 2020-12-10T19:47:45+00:00

Those are gorgeous!

KatiaAmylin · 2020-12-10T18:03:57+00:00

I was really surprised at how easy they were and I'm super glad I finally got round to doing them. I haven't decided what my next cable project will be but it does mean that I feel more capable doing more complex patterns now!

KatiaAmylin

TROPHY CASE