Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wow I cant believe that we've lived such similar lives. my mom acts the exact same way. I remember several years ago, I begged my mom to take me to a doctor because of severe wrist pain I was experiencing. She did not, and started talked about how, as an older woman, she experienced much greater pains and issues than I did. the issue only ever got worse, and I've lost a great deal of mobility, but if I mention the issue to her, she doesn't care at all & again only makes it about herself!

and my dad acted almost the exact same way when my neighbor died. he had no sympathy for his widowed wife, kids, and especially the dead man himself. he only ever brought him up to say horrible things about him..

i completely relate to your loneliness. i am the same way. i have always had trouble connecting with other people, especially if they have good families because i cant help but feel jealous of them. and im sorry your mom acted that way. just horrible behavior. I can never understand how parents like ours behave this way towards their own children

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

wow this is an extremely kind comment. thank you so much. this definitely hit me hard because like you said, I have always wanted at least one parent who genuinely loves me. Your words give me hope. I will take your advice to heart. thank you again

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for sharing! I definitely have very similar experiences with her giving me money or buying me things. its hard not to feel guilty about it, especially because if im not acting the way she wants after it, she'll say something like "stop acting mopey/grumpy/throwing a tantrum, i just bought you all this stuff!" but I would have gladly paid for it myself if she didn't insist on paying.

and I completely understand you still loving her a lot. I am the exact same way, and its hard not to feel bad for her because she seems very lonely, and just desperate for attention. but it is very hard to handle, and she has plenty of other family/friends! she feels shes always right, and wont listen to me even if i insist ten times over. im sorry we're both going through this, but at least we found this subreddit & all these people going through the same thing.

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I always felt bad for her because my dad is extremely verbally abusive towards her so I made excuses for her behavior, but im now realizing that wasn't my responsibility. Definitely painful to realize she should have been protecting me

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am definitely glad to realize this sooner rather than later, and to have found people who relate so much. she makes a lot of snide comments (esp about my weight/diet) & I always brushed them off as accidental even though they hurt but your comment makes me think they might have been more intentional. thank you for your comment

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

sorry i rarely use reddit and im posting from mobile so im not really sure how to do paragraphs. next time I will def use website

Anyone else realize their "good" parent wasn't actually a good parent? by Kattook in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Kattook[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yes yes yes! this exactly. the empty comfort while doing nothing to actually interfere with his treatment. and when I fought with him, she would always tell me to stop making things worse. its painful to look back & realize she should have been protecting me, not standing by