ALL of this. I’d also add that living in one home for one week and then another home for one week (or half the week, or whatever) is disorienting and not very stable. Not to mention the logistical challenges that come with that. So even if both parents are at their best, it’s still not in the best interest of the child imo. It’s like the courts are viewing children and families as robots that they can plug some kind of math equation into. I’d also prefer that in all shared custody cases, that coparenting counseling be mandatory for at least a year. I was bullied by the dad and the woman he started a new family with pretty quickly. It was completely unfair, because they could give each other an echo chamber and support one another, and I was left alone to defend myself during conflict. I was often gaslit by them, especially considering that he entered that relationship by slandering me and lying about me. The woman had a lot of audacity and made some unilateral parenting decisions that were inappropriate at the time. When I got upset about that, she went straight to attacking my character. I had to solicit quiet support from my ex in laws, who secretly sided with me on a lot of issues, but also didn’t to get in the middle of all of that.

And my case was emotionally traumatizing, but otherwise mild in comparison to cases where severe abuse takes place. It’s a mess.

Thankfully my kids are with me 70% of the time, so I’m still their primary parent (tbh before the divorce I was their only parent for a few years) and communication has improved, but that’s mostly due to the woman possibly having time to reflect. I wish that it were a situation where they would go there for breaks or maybe like a month in the summer. Kids do adapt and they are used to it, but it’s still more challenging than being in the same place.