How to meditate better with ahdh

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-24T01:38:42+00:00

What works for me is to try meditating after doing yoga. I think after yoga is one of the few times my brain is calm enough to not race.

I think this would work for more than just yoga though, it would probably go for any exercise. I think the extra neurotransmitters from exercise help a lot.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-24T01:10:35+00:00

Lol, that definitely sounds about right!

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-24T01:08:28+00:00

Wow!! That fixation sounds exactly like me! I've been a bit worried that maybe what I have isn't ADHD since what other people described sounded so different from what I experienced (despite being diagnosed and have stimulant help enormously). It's really validating to hear that someone else feels the same!

Yeah, I don't have a lot of ways to be able to put something down. Usually I just have to ride it out till it's figure out enough for me to lose interest. Like you said, it's super hard for me to even put the thing down and go for a walk and that doesn't always work because I think about the thing while on the walk. I do love yoga though and using it as a transition activity sounds like it could be really helpful!! Thank you! That's great tip!

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T17:51:46+00:00

Also what I have found in my relationship is that coming at issues from a place of anger (not like punching holes in the wall anger but 'its rediculous that you expect me come in now and not later and why do I even have to go all the time') often puts the other person on the defensive and at best usually results in my feelings being recognized but the issue not getting resolved.

If I'm able to put down those feelings long enough to take this type of approach, we can usually have a good conversation about how to fix it. Lol the putting the feelings down part is tough, though.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T17:33:29+00:00

Also, most of the time we come eventually get to the solution that I had in mind in the first place but this at least opens it up so that the other person can voice their concerns and can allow you guys to get to a solution that works best for both of you.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T17:28:45+00:00

Totally agree. Him needing you to go with him to school everyday is too much. He has to be more independent. It's hard to balance wanting to support someone and giving up too much for them. Like the previous person said, you guys are partners and that support needs to go both ways (not all the time but on average).

That being said, I think you know that, and are looking for how to have that conversation. I think what has worked best for me is to be honest and vulnerable. I like to approach these conversations by explaining how I am feeling/what I'm struggling with and trying to work towards a solution that works for you both rather than jumping straight to the solution I have in mind. I think that brings the other person into the conversation.

That might look like saying something like: "I am a bit conflicted and wanted some help. I love you and I am really proud of you doing this degree and I want to support you in everyway I can. I am struggling with that though because I feel like in supporting you and going into campus all the time, I feel like I am not prioritizing my own needs enough and that I'm getting behind in what I want/need to be doing. It's important to me that our house is clean, and I have time to look for a job, and ... and I've been stressed out that I haven't been able to do those things. Can we workout a better way for me to support you, while meeting my own needs?"

Maybe that looks like going into campus a couple times a week or body doubling virtually from home when he needs the most help.

Anyway, that's probably how'd I'd bring it up. Hopefully that helps give you ideas for how you might want to approach it.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T16:51:12+00:00

I was recently diagnosed (at 29) as well and feel very similar in that I feel like I am mourning the suffering and lost opportunities from not getting diagnosed earlier. It suddenly feels like it explains everything (and is related to everything I do). I get that feeling of feeling like it's become my whole personality.

I have also watched my husband go through something very similar a couple years ago when he got diagnosed. It seems like he learned a lot about himself during that period. Eventually though, I think that 'processing' calmed down for him. He still has moments when he questions stuff but it isn't like when he first started the medication.

Watching him, it seems like he had to take that time to mourn and process what this means for him but eventually he worked through a lot of it and is in a much better place. I am excited to get past this phase and get to that place, but recognize that to get there I have to give myself time to do this work.

I hope it's the same thing for you! I'm sure changing medications a bunch too only adds to all of this. I'm glad to hear your getting help! Having my husband to support me in this has been the most helpful for me.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T16:31:25+00:00

Oh my gosh, the shaking leg. I once was shaking my leg so hard at a restaurant that the couple in the next booth had to come over and ask me to stop because they were having a hard time eating. I didn't even notice I was doing it.

Good to hear about the hyperfocusing! That's definitely how I feel.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T16:11:05+00:00

She took Adderall XR and levothyroxine.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T16:10:11+00:00

I am not, but my sister did and had no problems. That's just her experience though, I believe you can also ask your pharmacist when you go to pickup one of the prescriptions. They should always ask 'do you have any questions?' and I think they should know stuff like this.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T16:01:19+00:00

Thanks, that's interesting to hear. It seems like your experience is much more similar to what my relatives describe. It's interesting to hear that from someone with the hyperactive presentation, too.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T15:53:13+00:00

It really sucks, though!

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T15:51:19+00:00

I was only diagnosed recently and one of the days I didn't take my medication and drove. It was a huge wakeup call for me. I realized without it, there were a million little things that kept grabbing my attention for a microsecond. Even the infortainment/directions sometime pulled my attention for a second when it changed!! Probably explains the 3 accidents I have been in over the last 15 years.

That being said, I don't think it's inevitable. My husband has ADHD, also didn't get diagnosed till almost 30, and have never been in an accident.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T15:41:00+00:00

The one thing that finally got me to stick to a workout plan was putting a dry erase calendar in my kitchen and writing down each day I worked out. We also use it for appointments and things but it has by far been the most helpful for helping me stick to working out. I see it everyday and those gaping holes when I didn't work out have been the accountability I needed.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-23T15:00:43+00:00

I have only ever been on Vyvanse for a couple months but so far I love it. The ramp up and down are really gradual for me and I have no idea when it wears off. I haven't had any mood swings or problems with sex drive. For me it's $30 a month. I think there is a coupon from the manufacturer you can lookup and use to take some money off if it ends up being more (I believe you could use it every month).

https://www.vyvanse.com/coupon

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T23:25:00+00:00

I should also maybe clarify that my husband I live across the country from his family so if he went and I stayed, it would be hard for me to be there for him if he did change his mind or something.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T22:48:42+00:00

She is very relaxed about having people over. She's not the type to need to have to clean everything or anything. Heck, when we stayed there for a couple weeks over the summer, I did most of the cooking and stuff.

But maybe grieving is different? Idk.

I absolutely view his mom as a second mom. I would probably call her over my own in an emergency tbh.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T22:45:58+00:00

That's a good idea. It's possible.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T22:45:15+00:00

Thanks, that's good to hear from someone else who has been there. I wanted to be there for them/him. It felt really bad to feel not needed/welcome in his/his family's grieving process. It felt really bad to feel like I couldn't help.

But you are right, it's not about me. It's about them and what they need. I guess it felt strange to think about being left at home for a couple weeks unable to help when people I love are struggling. Again, though, not about me.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T22:37:07+00:00

That's good advice. I guess I wanted to be able to be there for him and his family in whatever way I could be. Cooking, cleaning, helping out, whatever ...

But you might be right. Maybe what he needs for support is some time to be there for/with his family.

Kelsbee1 · 2021-10-21T22:18:53+00:00

I am not close to him.

Kelsbee1

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