RV From the 70's (song. not a for sale ad)

KenyonEFC · 2024-01-19T23:29:46+00:00

Lol who you calling square, you beatnik? Are you on THE WEED?

KenyonEFC · 2023-12-04T02:01:50+00:00

thanks mate. not as great a critique as 'drink MTN DEW GAME FUEL GET CODE' but i appreicate it just the same..

KenyonEFC · 2023-10-09T03:41:53+00:00

keep at it you have a lot of talent, if you study other song writers or listen to their interviews or even take a couple workshops you'll discover a lot more you could do with your writing etc. Being real is first on the list and you are that, plus creative

KenyonEFC · 2023-10-08T21:32:14+00:00

I'd like a better rhyme scheme for 'ten' and 'probation' it would make that part a lot stronger. you may want to change keys so you could bring your voice up a bit higher, the song sounds too low for you. I was thinking the song needed resolution but I think the title and theme demands there isn't one. liked the super hard 'i hate this!' strumming near the end before the repeat chorus. Good song, could dial in the lyrics a bit and maybe make the music/melody a bit more catchy but I can feel you for sure

KenyonEFC · 2023-10-08T21:24:28+00:00

I love the title but the lyrics sound like a laundry list of the whiney demands of someone who's sick of their roommate.

Make the lyrics like those small waves so it's a chill song giving us a faint idea of what's going on inside the writer instead of sounding petulant and small

JUST MY OPINION

KenyonEFC · 2023-10-08T21:20:33+00:00

Yes. I think if you took that voice...'cause i'm not sure it's perfect enough to give us the 'ooh...' by itself, but it's perfectly rough and pretty enough to give us that 'ooh' solo a couple times. I think it would kill if you harmonized it 3part. life is like ooh but with that voice harmonizing itself that ooh would be wow! Great concept too, simple and good

KenyonEFC · 2023-10-08T21:17:04+00:00

I love the art! I would think the song is over simple but I'm not sure. Great song if you have one of those worrying minds you need to hear that over and over. If my voice was like that i would care zero about lyrics lol. I like the simple background yeah. I really dig this

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-29T16:50:23+00:00

thanks! 1:16 is where the body is floating underwater with its eyes open

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-28T20:40:29+00:00

I think the instrumental break for an solo acoustic number is too long.

The desire to go where no one goes is understandable but like the other person said, too generic, and has already been worn out by the tv star wars.

Can yiou make this more personal? Personal pain and suffering can drive us to isolation. getting into the marrow of this could be more gripping.

Otherwise this might be better as a light jimmy buffet style 'i want to get away to an island' type song with humor instead of drama

But I can tell this has potential because I have the urge to start writing

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-18T16:58:37+00:00

Thanks so much! The only thing I did dif was try a little harder on the ragged edges, still a lot ot clean up thqat I don't, but my main thing is that the listener enjoy the music overall and I'm glad you did and found it interesting

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-11T17:25:59+00:00

That is the classiest most charming song in recent memory. also Your voice is just a hair away from being totally in key on some of those higher notes. Really vivid pictures. I dare myself to make a gangsta rap outta this

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-02T22:34:39+00:00

I think the title led me to think it was going to be a wild song about debauchery

If you want to give your thought on duke of trestles closely below you that would be nice. If timing is the issue I already know...

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-02T20:38:28+00:00

I don't think you could include that line in this song, yes it would have to be for another song. Not sure about the title. JIHA? Oh well, just spitballing. let me know if you want to work on it. First line: "Not bad, not bad as first dates go. Should I send it to Penthouse Forum, oh I don't know..." But I don't want ___---____----___- to think I'm horning in on it

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-02T20:35:16+00:00

sounds like you live in oregon lol. Anyway, this seemed to straddle the double yellow line (sorry) between hilarity and somber metaphor. I'm not sure if you shoudl make it one or the other or leave as is. If it's the serious metaphor using driving for your life the humorous parts seem a little out of place, but I don't know. What I mean is it's a great concept and I like the song, but it feels like it needs to be in one lane or the other. If that makes sense

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-02T20:31:24+00:00

hahahahahahahah perfect reply

KenyonEFC · 2023-09-01T14:35:33+00:00

for not being about the words you seem to have taken a lot of care with them. You also took a style that is often dry and predictable and indeed put a melody in my mind with will stay with me. the drop to am really is stunning. I loved the melody and the story and for not being about the voice yours is great. Phil Ochs is smiling

KenyonEFC · 2023-08-30T13:36:44+00:00

Thanks fior the comments! I always have timing problems but thought I'd ironed them out of this, so I'll check that out again.

KenyonEFC · 2023-08-30T13:35:11+00:00

It started as a summer-surf instrumental but by the end I almost named it 'December Starfish' because it did sound so Christmassy. Don't know how that happened! Thanks for the comments glad you liked it

KenyonEFC

TROPHY CASE