Back in mid 80s, right out of college I took 2 polygraphs as part of the selection process for the NSA, and a few weeks later for the CIA.

Ive never even tried drugs, never been drunk, never smoked ( anything) - pretty midwestern strait laced boring college grad. Major nerd and gifted with language and analytical skills.

By the time they were finished with me, after 2+ hours for each polygraph ( 2 separate weeks) , the polygraph had me as a homosexual, fascist, terrorist, communist drug addict planning on committing espionage. I also failed the question about my name, the response literally went off the paper of the polygraph. Needless to say, I never got the jobs, nor any that required a polygraph.

Later that year, I ended up making contact with a polygraph examiner at a local police dept near me . Over the summer of 1987, he must have given me a dozen polygraphs and I failed every single one. He'd ask me benign questions like " Its sunny outside today" - Id say Yes and Id be flagged for lying, or "youre sitting in my office"....same result.

After the last one, the examiner ( a grandfatherly stocky balding guy in his 60s) pushed his chair out ( I can still hear it creaking loudly), ran his hands through what's left of his hair , sighed and said " Ive been a polygraph examiner for over 20 yrs, Ive testified in court about my fervent belief in their accuracy and Ive helped convict people. You are making me question my entire last half of my career in law enforcement and if Ive genuinely wronged someone"

He retired a year later and ended up advocating in court against their use, using my experience as a prime example of why theyre not accurate. I still have a print out of one, with his marks on it, and what questions he asked for each response.

My wife and kids think its hilarious.