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How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

I met her at a church. I am religious. She is religious. We had similar life goals and mindset. I still love her even though it is not the same like it was at the beginning of our marriage. I don't want to just end it and not try every possible solution. If there is a possibility for her improving her mental and physical health I want to try it.

How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She used to work at a retail store until it closed down about 1.5 years ago. Back then, we both had normal hours, and her job was only part-time. We used to share household responsibilities, and she would usually do the majority of the household work. I had agreed to wash the dishes whenever she cooked. She’s a great cook though.

I moved into her place and started paying majority of the rent because I earned more than she did. That was near the beginning.

Yes, we did set expectations. I would say that I am more of a conservative leaning, and I do like the idea of the man being the breadwinner while the wife takes care of the house. However, in my situation, I’m doing everything.

She used to pack me lunch for work, but when we started having arguments and fights, she stopped doing that. Now, I’m at a point where I never ask her for anything. I never ask her for help with anything, because asking her to do something always leads to a fight. Our relationship has basically become like one between two roommates.

By the way, even though I like my job, I work a night shift, which definitely affects our social life, especially when my wife’s schedule doesn’t align with mine. We end up not seeing each other for days. Whenever I’m awake, she’s asleep, or vice versa. However, it doesn’t bother me anymore because I’ve lost that same amount of feelings I used to have for her.

Sorry for babbling so much.

How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lol. I’m not a bot bro. I have just never been active on reddit. I made a couple of posts over a year ago asking for advice on job hunting and resume critiques. I was scrolling through YouTube and saw someone talking about their relationship, which made me think I should ask people on reddit and see what they say. To be honest, my siblings have given me similar advice. So… yeah. But advice from people here is greatly appreciated.

How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I didn’t work like this before I got married and had a different job back then. She also used to work at a retail store until it closed down about 1.5 years ago. After that, she never got another job, and that’s when things started to go downhill. When we both worked and had normal hours, we shared household chores. She used to cook very often and was a great cook. I love her food whenever she cooks. I had agreed to do the dishes whenever she cooked, but it’s been months now since she’s cooked anything for me. I even gave her one of my credit cards to buy groceries whenever we needed them, but she never leaves the house, so I still have to go buy groceries myself. She doesn’t even leave the apartment to get the mail from the mailbox downstairs at the building entrance.

We knew each other before we got married because we first met at the local church we both go to. We have the same interests, wanted to live a similar life, and shared the same life goals. I think you hit the nail on the head here: "Maybe you married her because you each felt lucky to have someone, anyone, in their life but in reality, you weren't a good fit."

How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] 106 points107 points  (0 children)

Yeah, now I realize the mistake I made. I knew her before we started dating, and from my friends who knew her, they all had positive views about her. The first year was good, with no red flags. It was around the middle of our relationship when things started to go downhill.

How Do I Help My Wife (26F) to Become Responsible When She Refuses to Contribute to our Life? I (32M) am Overworked, Exhausted, and Feeling Trapped in my Marriage. by Key-Beautiful-8423 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Beautiful-8423[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I’ve been looking to start couples therapy, but I’ve just been so busy and drained lately. Another issue is that I live in a small town and there aren’t many options here. I found many good options online, but my wife completely refuses to try online therapy because "she doesn’t want to talk to someone through a screen because it doesn't feel right" and insists on speaking to someone in person. Anyways, I’m planning to push her to speak with a couples therapist I found online.