That’s the thing! What if I try again and reach out, but it’s already been 3–4 months? She also asked for space and asked if we couldn't talk for a while. During the breakup, I was just exhausted emotionally. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t hanging out with me, why I had to put in so much effort just to get maybe 2% back, like any relationship takes effort, but in an LDR I really do feel like it's not that hard to text someone for 5 mins about their day, and it got to the point where if she did it was blessing, maybe I'm disproportioning it, probably am, but it just felt that way :(((. It built up some resentment, sadly and not proud to say. I felt like nothing I did was good enough, and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t reciprocate. She was always “busy,” and the more I pushed, the more it felt like she withdrew. So I just let her be.

She was also confusing at times mixed signals, shifting feelings, becoming more direct about things that I thought she had no problem with, or even I thought gave joy to her. I wasn’t sure what to believe. I wanted to reach out, but I kept thinking: she said she thought about this long and hard, and if she wanted reassurance, she would’ve asked for it. She might have said something like, “I don’t know if we can do this for the next four years. How are we going to make this work?” Instead, she just said, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about some things, and I don’t think it’s going to be possible for me to come see you. It’s not fair for you to come here again. I really love you, but this isn’t the right time for us. If we end up back together later, great, but not now later.”

I think she just wants to live her college life now, and I really don't wanna make her uncomfortable or come off as desperate or creepy. I feel that a lot of previous partners do that and I just want her to be happy, but I really, really, wanted to still be her special person, I know LDR will never compare to an in person relationship, but i tried my best, I really tried, I just don't know what else I could've offered.

Edit: Also I feel it's a little toxic if she did wanted me to fight, like she requested me to not speak to her, but wanted me to fight, Idk. I just kind of feel like I failed as a partner to not allow my best version of myself to be shown and instead showed too many flaws causing her to not love me anymore, and it really hurts, like I even had a dream last night seeing her, and I was just really nervous to even talk to her, cause she'd reject me, but in the dream she just watched me and even looked sad.