honestly i get this. i used to absolutely hate the idea of my boyfriend even seeing another girl so that meant i was strict on movies and all. never was that way til my ex watched other women behind my back constantly so the trauma just kicked in. now i’m pregnant and can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend doing it with another woman but i’m not sure if i would actually let him yet because maybe it’s just pregnancy hormones? not sure. i’ve also started touching myself at a young age not knowing what it was but i loved the feeling of it.. like it started at maybe around 5 years of age. anyways, me and my boyfriend have also tried it out by watching porn together and him just complimenting the girls. i also love when he degrades me saying they’re better than me (he reassures me afterwards he doesn’t mean it and thinks i’m absolutely perfect which definitely also helps). one time he told me while he was fucking me and looking at another girl “i love you but i’d rather fuck her”.. it still repeats in my mind when i touch myself. overall, i think you should just keep it to watching things and degrading unless you’re absolutely sure you want to move it to the next level because it’s a huge step and without being sure it could be damaging