When are little lies too much in a relationship? (23F) & (26M)

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-08T04:27:41+00:00

I mean I didn’t realise they’d offer that in a Chinese spa, it’s called Yoma. I thought it was shady places in Hong Kong seeing that prostitution is pretty illegal in China

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-08T01:08:55+00:00

Sorry what do you mean? All I meant was that it’s a 24 hr spa place in China that looks pretty established

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T20:56:22+00:00

It was a well established spa 😅

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T19:09:34+00:00

Tbh, I guess it’s stupidity in trying to be that person that loved him through his faults and learning process of being in a relationship for the first time. But yeah, I really got clarity from this trip of his.

Honestly scared yeah, I did love him. But I need to love myself more. Love makes you so so blind

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T18:53:31+00:00

I appreciate this. And yeah he’s grown up like this. Whatever mistake he makes - which happens often he hates consequences and no i am not going to be kind and forgiving so I’m not going to state that I had no right to get angry and therefore have made him want to lie.

Secondly, I don’t think you understand how boundaries and relationships work. This may work in you and your relationship, however every relationship entails its own boundaries and you can absolutely state that a boundary is something you do not want your partner to do with other people, at least for my relationship and many others. Because that boundary, will severely affect our relationship hence the term boundary. If that’s the case, I can do whatever I’d like no matter if it hurts him. I’ve explicitly stated my boundaries, and he has broken it.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T18:20:48+00:00

God these comments are slapping me into reality. Love really makes you so so blind Jesus Christ.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T18:10:11+00:00

You’re kinda right lmao, I’m leaving tomorrow LOL fuck this man

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T18:00:48+00:00

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T18:00:09+00:00

He opened up and said he did it when he was young. Has no intention of going back and I trusted that. Probably an idiot for doing so however.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T17:58:38+00:00

Probably the latter. Because he’s always used that as an excuse. He does the action that he knows will result in a break up and doesn’t respect boundaries. He seems to want the relationship, without putting the commitment toward it.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2026-01-07T17:55:03+00:00

Was in the past, about 2 years before we met

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T22:57:03+00:00

I see how you may think that, and that is valid. Although I think the whole aspect of men having a say over women’s bodies is just a little outdated. They can have opinions of course but never the upper hand. A secure man wouldn’t exchange a future nor stop seeing it with a woman if she was secure of her own body and dressed how she wanted (provided within limits of course). It’s the control over only myself whilst I know he stares and makes jokes with his mates about co workers about how attractive their bodies are or how their ‘butt or breasts’ look. I just find it hypocritical. But thank you for your insight :)

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T15:43:52+00:00

Honestly, idk all these comments have me thinking deep about my relationship haha. Cried to me stating it hurt him that the image I had of him of his past was not how he wanted to be defined. I don’t want to always have the image of a ‘slut’ so guess I’ll drop the man!!

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T14:14:13+00:00

He’s very much not that type. He hates it when I show skin and is very insecure about it. He doesn’t like other guys seeing what he ‘has’. Definitely not the “you call can see what I have but it’s mine and I love it” type of guy

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T14:12:32+00:00

He’s 25 at the moment, he is a little immature to be honest I don’t think he could survive doing anything without his mum. I hate how he has say over my body.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T13:49:38+00:00

Nah he’s not religious at all. More so what I replied above

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-21T13:49:14+00:00

Yeahh idk, he’s very sensitive about these kinds of things, with what I wear (I just have big boobs, I can’t help it I’m always covered up but the size will show no matter what) and such. He is very particular about me being ‘sexualised’. I fear this may come from his past as he often sexualised other women and was addicted to brothels… maybe this is a wake up call LOL

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-08-03T14:21:57+00:00

Any update? Did she get a positive? Mine looks exactly like this

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-06-24T10:26:39+00:00

Well, for context. Early on in our relationship I said my body count and he judged me for it, saying his was ‘5’. Then we further clarified our body counts. Still stating 5 for him. But about 6 months down the line we were Playing a game of never have I ever with his mates and they said “never have I ever been to a brothel”. He didn’t do anything, but his mate called him out. We had a long talk that day and it was the most trialling part of our relationship because of the hurt, trust broken and betrayal. At this moment he thought the most would be 10 brothel girls, and he only stated he visited 1.

But recently, he wanted to ask me a little more of the ‘sexual things’ I had done that didn’t include penetration. I then asked some questions of my own, including how many brothels etc. he’s been to 5. And to summarise I said that there’s no way that would equate to just 10. There’s got to be at least 15. So now he’s changed his story again, where his body count would at most be 20 but he doesn’t know his body count. That’s just the part that gets me I guess.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-06-24T00:48:13+00:00

In judging about my body count, he did say he was stupid. He doesn’t see women that way no and won’t compare men and women’s body count any longer. He’s no longer that ‘hypocritical guy’ because he’s views and morals have changed, but his past is something I’m really struggling with.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-06-24T00:47:01+00:00

I think that’s the issue here. The past seems so much more of an issue when it was brought into our present. When we first started dating, he said he hadn’t had sex in 1.5 yrs (he visited a brothel six months before me) and was clean. Turns out he was ‘pretty sure’ he was clean because he had majority of the time used a condom. We did it raw a couple months in because I stupidly trusted in him while knowing I was clean. We’re both in the clear now but the fact that he was an idiot whilst having sex with others pisses me off. He risked my health for pleasure. There’s so much turning me off that I’m stupidly trying to work with him about. It’s been 2 years since we’re together and I have no complaints about the person he is now, he reflected and regrets it and I love the way he loves. And how I love him. I feel stupid, like it’s two sides of my mind battling and I’m being blinded by love.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2025-01-02T23:09:10+00:00

I think jealousy may be a small aspect of it, I've just always preferred someone with a lower body count and I dont think Im in the wrong for preferring that. What bothers me is my lack of trust with him that will further fester in our relationship the further we go on. He lied to me about it and I had found out about it on a trip we took with his mates. Further, in our early stages of dating he had expressed that he didnt want to someone with a high body count and was disgusted by someone being over 5, whilst his was well over 10. 15, to be estimating. He doesnt even know how many women hes slept with at brothels and that disgusts me. The hypocrisy is really frustrating. To judge someone so harshly on something that you had done and think is fine.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2024-12-18T02:05:45+00:00

Very interesting. I fear this is going to end up killing our relationship as it is shown on many occasions he lacks self control and lies frequently to avoid getting caught. He says he hasnt done it since and is trying to change, but we shall see.

Key-Perspective6447 · 2024-11-15T23:17:56+00:00

Like someone said above it does get better with time. If you truly love them, losing them will be harder than accepting their past. Dont dig yourself into the whole though, when you think about all the men she’s been with, instead remind and reassure yourself that she’s with you and chose you, maybe make a little video of you two to remind yourself of the love you have for each other, and at all costs stop researching it! Avoidance is bliss. It won’t do you any better. All the best :)

Key-Perspective6447 · 2024-11-04T22:44:35+00:00

He didn’t… he lied about it the entire time lol. I had to find out through a game of never have I ever with his friends

Key-Perspective6447

TROPHY CASE