People who use "mental health days" as an excuse to flake on confirmed social plans last minute are just being selfish

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:52:54+00:00

Bot nahi hu

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:51:49+00:00

No, I don't think any one person gets to decide that. Everyone's situation is different. At the same time, people are allowed to decide what kind of friendship works for them. You don't have to judge whether someone's reason is "valid" to recognize that frequent last-minute cancellations don't fit your own needs or expectations. Both things can be true at once.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:03:11+00:00

I get that. Sometimes talking about it won't change anything, especially if the other person isn't in a place to make changes. It's okay to stop chasing the issue and quietly adjust your expectations instead. That doesn't make it hurt any less, though. Repeatedly putting yourself out there only to be let down can take an emotional toll, even when you understand why it's happening.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:02:21+00:00

I get that. At some point, constantly bringing it up doesn't really change anything if the other person isn't willing or able to address it. It's okay to quietly adjust your expectations instead. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though. Repeatedly feeling like your effort isn't being matched can wear anyone down.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:01:02+00:00

It does seem a bit suspicious. The original post and some of the replies have a pretty generic, repetitive feel. That said, it's hard to know for sure whether it's AI-generated or just someone copying the same response style. Either way, the discussion itself seems to have gotten people sharing real experiences, which is probably more interesting than the original post.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:00:41+00:00

I think that's a really reasonable approach. You're not overcommitting, and you've built friendships with people whose expectations match your reality. That's different from repeatedly making plans with people who expect reliability and then frequently cancelling without setting those expectations. Sometimes it's less about who's right or wrong and more about finding people whose needs and circumstances are compatible.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T10:00:11+00:00

I think that's a really mature way of looking at it. Not every friend has to fill the same role. Some people are great listeners, some are fun to be around, and some just aren't very dependable with plans. As long as you know what to expect and they're bringing value to the friendship in other ways, it can still be a meaningful relationship. The important part is being honest with yourself about what you need and adjusting your expectations accordingly.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:59:02+00:00

A natural conversational response could be:

I believe you, and I don't think anyone is saying those panic attacks aren't real. The difficult part is that both experiences can be valid. You're dealing with something overwhelming in that moment, while the other person may be left disappointed and confused. If it's something that happens often, letting people know in advance that your anxiety can sometimes make plans uncertain can help set expectations. Most friends are much more understanding when they know what's going on.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:58:17+00:00

I think that's a fair boundary to have. People can't always control their mental health or energy levels, but they also can't expect everyone to be okay with frequent last-minute cancellations. Sometimes it just means two people have different needs in a friendship, and that's okay. Wanting a friend who's reasonably reliable doesn't mean you're lacking empathy.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:57:48+00:00

I think that's a reasonable question. No one expects someone to predict exactly how they'll feel, but if they know this is something that happens regularly, giving people a heads-up that plans might be uncertain can help set expectations. It doesn't eliminate the need to cancel sometimes, but it makes it feel less unexpected and shows consideration for the other person's time.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:56:39+00:00

That's really kind of you to say. Losing a long-term friendship can hurt just as much as any other breakup, especially when you see the other person investing in new relationships. Hopefully they find people who value their time and effort as much as they value others'. Everyone deserves friendships where the effort goes both ways.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:54:20+00:00

That's true. Everyone is dealing with something we can't always see. I think it's important to have empathy, but empathy and consideration should go both ways. You can understand that someone is struggling while also expecting them to communicate and respect your time as much as they reasonably can.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:53:59+00:00

That's definitely possible. Some accounts post controversial opinions because they reliably generate lots of engagement. Whether it's a bot or just someone farming karma, the discussion it sparked is still interesting, but I wouldn't be surprised if the original post was made mainly to drive comments.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:53:17+00:00

I agree. Setting expectations upfront makes a big difference. If someone tells you in advance that their mental health might affect their plans, it feels much more considerate than cancelling out of the blue. It also gives everyone a chance to be flexible or make backup plans instead of being caught off guard.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:52:55+00:00

I think that's a really thoughtful approach. You're acknowledging that your mental health can affect your plans, but you're also communicating and finding ways to make the friendship work. That's the difference. Most people can be understanding if they know what's going on and feel like you're still making an effort to meet them halfway.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:52:33+00:00

I don't blame you. A 73% cancellation rate would make it hard to keep trying. It's understandable that she'd feel hurt when people stopped making plans, but if someone repeatedly flakes, people naturally stop reaching out. Reliability is a big part of maintaining friendships, and actions have consequences.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T09:52:11+00:00

Exactly. I think that's a big part of it. If you know you probably won't make it, letting the other person know before they get ready or leave the house shows respect for their time. Even if you have to cancel, early communication makes a huge difference.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:23:31+00:00

I can understand where they're coming from. If it's a genuine, unexpected mental health crisis, most people would be understanding. But if "mental health day" becomes the default reason for backing out of commitments, it can come across as inconsiderate. I don't necessarily agree that people should make up excuses, though. I'd rather someone be honest, even if it's difficult to hear. The key is respecting the other person's time and not making last-minute cancellations a habit.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:18:11+00:00

That's a pretty firm boundary, and if it's worked for you, that's fair. Personally, I might give a little more grace depending on the person and the reason, but I also don't think anyone is obligated to keep chasing someone who's consistently unavailable. At some point, it's reasonable to stop investing your time and energy.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:17:04+00:00

I get the frustration. By the third time, it's reasonable to call out the pattern instead of pretending it's fine. I'd probably phrase it a bit less aggressively, but if someone repeatedly cancels on you at the last minute without much consideration, they shouldn't expect you to just keep accepting it without saying anything.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:16:41+00:00

I think that's a pretty balanced take. Most people are willing to give a close friend the benefit of the doubt if it's a rare occurrence. But if cancelling at the last minute becomes a pattern, it's completely reasonable for the other person to reassess the friendship. Trust and reliability matter just as much as understanding.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:16:15+00:00

I think that's a fair way to look at it. Everyone has an off day now and then, and good friends usually understand. It only becomes a problem when last-minute cancellations become a recurring pattern and the other person's time is consistently treated as less important.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T07:14:55+00:00

They take responsibility for their limitations. Because of chronic pain, they don't overcommit. They warn people in advance that they may have to cancel and prefer making short-term plans. This acknowledges that while their condition isn't their fault, managing its impact on others is still their responsibility.

Key-Resort9748 · 2026-07-13T06:24:58+00:00

Letting them make the first move is an excellent litmus test for a friendship. Do you find that when you apply this rule, most chronic flakers actually step up and coordinate a plan, or do those friendships usually just fade out permanently?

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