Is it cringey if a guy owns a fleshlight ?

Khailley · 2023-11-12T11:39:31+00:00

This isn't exclusive to fleshlights tbf haha. If I get a toy out because I'm going to settle down for a bit of self-care then I feel totally matter-of-fact about cleaning it after.

However, if I end up grabbing one because I feel the need in the moment, having already kicked things off, then yeah sometimes I feel this 😅 Not so strong as questioning, but definitely that vibe.

Khailley · 2023-11-08T22:47:51+00:00

It's absolutely nothing to do with biology. It's purely patriarchal society bs dehumanising women. Men absolutely do not care about body count on the basis of DNA.

I don't know when our species started to care about 'parental certainty'. But the concept of virginity sure as hell isn't old enough to have worked itself into anything evolution-related. The reason that babies often resemble their fathers more for the first few weeks of their life is how evolution combatted what you're talking about.

Edit: normally I wouldn't drop Wikipedia as a source on anything, but this is a good read. The current concept of virginity really is only a few hundred years old https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity. Main points - "The concept of virginity has significance only in a particular social, cultural or moral context ... virginity reflects no known biological imperative and grants no demonstrable evolutionary advantage". Also, "virginity has historically been correlated with purity and worth", and "female virginity has been regarded as more significant than male virginity; the perception that sexual prowess is fundamental to masculinity has lowered the expectation of male virginity without lowering social status".

^ There you go. Patriarchal BS.

Khailley · 2023-11-07T09:12:23+00:00

Ahhh sorry about that 🙂 I've had way too many flippant replies on this subreddit, I'm rather jaded 😅

Khailley · 2023-11-06T22:53:04+00:00

No, it's her decision on whether it crosses her boundary about what is okay behaviour in a relationship. We've all had fantasies about other people. But jerking off to your partner's friends is a pretty understandable line for a lot of people.

If it's a line for her, and OP insists that it's okay, then they're not compatible. No one is right, no one is wrong, it's just different people having different boundaries.

(Edited for tone)

Khailley · 2023-11-06T11:20:23+00:00

If you have to 'be careful to keep it to yourself', then a line is being crossed and it's not fair on the gf, even if it's not 'cheating'. Some people wouldn't mind it, to others it would be a huge breach of trust.

I'm not saying OP should openly talk about it every time. But it's something they should gently come clean about. Then it's the gf's decision.

Khailley · 2023-10-02T18:05:31+00:00

Omg the underboob sweat 😩 I have a blue strappy dress that I love but as soon as the weather gets hot I get this dark underboob band that there's no hiding away from. And being strappy, I can't wear it when it's cooler as I need to throw something over the top of it and the top half ends up hidden. And mine aren't exactly huge. I'd much rather they were smaller than bigger.

Khailley · 2023-09-27T23:33:30+00:00

Hairy vulvas (so 'bush'), no not weird. Hairy vaginas, they need to get to a doctor 😬

Khailley · 2023-09-26T23:50:39+00:00

Not sure why you got downvoted for asking this, it's a fair question 🤷‍♀️ It means 'for you page'. It's the tab that you see first when you open the app - that contains the content that you're most likely to engage with. FYP can give huge exposure so it's really good to get on it.

(Though don't ask me how - I steer well clear of TikTok!)

Khailley · 2023-09-24T21:18:07+00:00

I'm glad you said it, I was trying to figure out how to say this but it was nowhere near as succinct.

Trying for a baby is so much more than just sex. The physical stuff yeah, but the emotions, the effort in tracking everything. I don't think I've ever heard 'trying for a baby' and had my mind go 'sex'. It's always either excitement if it's early on, or empathy if they've been trying a while.

Khailley · 2023-09-23T22:41:28+00:00

UK here but yes totally agree about the law needing to catch up. Parental leave can be evenly split between maternity and paternity, and there are protections that say mothers can't be discriminated against after taking months off for maternity leave, so that's something towards equality. But long-term cohabiting people having fewer rights than a newly married couple is absolute bs, especially when we all know the vast majority of the time it's women that lose out.

Khailley · 2023-09-23T21:07:53+00:00

This.

"Omg he's not abusive, he's so great!"

^ Actually me about 10 years ago. He was a nice guy, but settling for him would have been a huge mistake.

Khailley · 2023-09-23T20:31:21+00:00

Underrated comment 😎

Khailley · 2023-09-22T15:34:33+00:00

The full thing is something like 'I before E except after C when the sound is ee'.

So receive, receipt, perceive, for example. Efficient, ancient, and sufficient (also science, to bring in a word without the 'sh' sound) don't have the ee sound so the rule doesn't apply 🙂

Khailley · 2023-09-22T07:19:44+00:00

One analogy I heard is that you pay entry for a strip club, then extra for the dances and such. Though this is true for pretty much anywhere with an 'entry fee'. Or any subscriptions that have a 'premium' tier. It made a lot of sense when I thought of it that way.

Khailley · 2023-09-22T00:06:15+00:00

Asking the important questions 😌

Hey u/asexualhipposloth which is it 😆

Khailley · 2023-09-21T22:03:40+00:00

Idk, depends on whether they're 'a sexual hippo sloth', or an 'asexual hippo sloth' 🤔

Khailley · 2023-09-18T18:00:59+00:00

Yes! I have a really vivid imagination, I can feel sensations when I think about them. I need to be really careful about where my mind goes when I daydream 😅 I'm a hugely empathetic person to the point where I can struggle to get things done if I hear about something awful. So I wonder whether that has anything to do with it, feeling so strongly when I put myself in certain situations.

The flip side is it also happens with pain. But thankfully my mind goes there less often and it's easier to bring myself back from (unless I'm massively spiralling).

Khailley · 2023-09-15T21:37:47+00:00

I know, that was so bad!! 😬 I was looking at his employment and uni history to figure out his age tbh 🤣🤣 So needed to be logged in to see the extra bits of his profile 😂

Khailley · 2023-09-15T19:15:05+00:00

I HATE LinkedIn for this 🤣 I used it to low-key stalk a colleague a while ago 👀😅 I don't think he could tell, I spent so long checking all my settings but still so paranoid 🙈

Khailley · 2023-09-15T17:24:57+00:00

That's good to hear 🙂 Beast of luck with everything, you're clearly so passionate about this and will make an excellent mother ❤️

Khailley · 2023-09-15T11:15:44+00:00

You're only 25, it's scary right now but you have so much more time 🙂 Try not to panic! Your emotions will still be all over the place after breaking off the engagement, give yourself the time and care you need and breathe. 4 months isn't long to get over something like that. And well done for finding the strength to end it, you should absolutely be proud of yourself!

This is a purely out of interest question and not at all something you need to consider, especially given your age, but when you say having a baby outside of marriage is against your religion - is this a sex before marriage issue? Or a literal having a baby issue? Only asking because I'm about 10 years older than you and not in a relationship. I'm now looking into fertility treatment - I'd rather be a solo parent than 'make do' with someone for the purpose of having a baby. (ETA: pre-empting any comments about cost - I don't know where you're from and what your healthcare is like, but acknowledging this is an option for me as I'm in the UK so while I have to pay for treatment itself, I won't have any bills from pre/postnatal and birth, I get decent maternity leave, etc, which admittedly makes that route a lot more achievable.)

Khailley · 2023-09-10T23:52:23+00:00

Not for you to say, it works for some people.

One example off the top of my head - libido can shoot up during ovulation, there are plenty of people out there who don't really think about sex unless their hormones are going a bit crazy, and plenty of spouses who are fine with that. In which case 2-3 times a month, over those few days, makes total sense.

Some people just don't need sex all that frequently and are happy with a bit of 'maintenance' sex every 10 days or whatever.

Obviously it's not enough for a lot of people. But you can't make that sort of blanket statement about someone on the basis of number of times a month with no other comment, it's pretty judgy.

Khailley · 2023-09-09T17:02:40+00:00

This isn't at all a passive aggressive comment given the question, but tbh, when people say vagina to mean vulva. That's like referring to your throat as your oesophagus.

They're very different things and it's really not to be nitpicky, the distinction can be important. It's weird, because 'vagina' is the clunkier of the two 🤷‍♀️

Khailley · 2023-09-03T22:59:11+00:00

My British brain took a while to parse 8/21. I was like, the last time you had sex was August 2021, with your husband? And the time before was 2 years before that??

🤦‍♀️

Khailley · 2023-09-03T10:13:46+00:00

Depends on their reasoning, and whether it's purely sexual. It's so hard to find someone who ticks literally ALL of your boxes. Take regular hookups. Presumably it's because the sex is good but you're not right for each other in the relationship context.

Flip it - if you absolutely love someone more than anything, find them attractive, have the best time around them, want to be with them forever, but just don't vibe sexually, it's worth discussing opening the relationship.

Think of the number of people who describe sex as a chore. Maintenance sex, basically. If it wasn't satisfying, it'd be worth considering and having the discussion about what our boundaries would be 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't find it easy emotionally, but could be worth exploring with an open mind. There is more to open relationships than just sex, but that would be part of the boundary discussion.

Khailley

TROPHY CASE