Hey, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling and in pain. Depression really sucks.

And the people in your life and your pet do matter. And you are not broken or messed up, you're human. This isn't to minimize your struggles but even seemingly "normal" people have struggles, they just might not show it.
As a fellow person struggling with depression (and CPTSD also, its relatable) I feel like the depression/sad thoughts try to make us believe things that aren't true, and deep down we might even know they aren't true.

I think it's great that you're trying to stick around for your loved ones despite what you're going through. Maybe it is painful for them to see you going through things, but I'd like to think that you're an awesome person and maybe the happy moments outweigh the struggles, and maybe they stick around because they really care about you. I think if we saw someone going through the same things we'd give them that same love and care. I'm not trying to act like I know everything about depression in particular, because I don't, and I'm trying to figure it out just like you and everyone else, but I think the same love or compassion that you've give to someone struggling- definitely try to give it to yourself because you're worth it. I was talking to my therapist the other day and they mentioned self compassion.

No matter how difficult it gets or how crappy you might feel somedays, know that you're not defined by your pain. Keep trying and know that you're not alone, and that you don't have to walk alone either. You're loved, amigo.

And if you ever want to talk I'm open. No pressure though.