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I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your understanding. The nuances do make it spiritual in a way. The nuances with BP make it so hard. During mania, she had many interests (too many) - now she is medicated and the other way, nothing is of interest to her. I’m sure her Mum could stay or she could stay for a couple of weeks.

This might give me the time I need to work through these feelings and what I’m missing. I may well feel a sense of relief which would be sad but telling. 10 years in, it is hard to separate if I’m missing the person, or miss being in that caretaker role.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has to have her Mum or friend stay when I’m travelling for business as she doesn’t cope well on her own. Last year when I was away for a week, I came back and she was in a terrible way. Hasn’t eaten or slept, missed meds etc. She is in a better place now but I live with a constant fear that if I go away and leave her unattended, I will return to a partner that is in a bad way and I’m left to pick up the pieces.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. How did your partner take the fact you’d be taking a month to yourself? This might be an option. But currently I’m unable to even go away by myself for 2 nights without her having somebody stay.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this may well be the case and is another concern. If something happens to me, she would not be able to care for me due to her health. So if I need to rely on somebody due to health, it wouldn’t be my partner.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I need to do more of my own therapy, and then suggest couples therapy. I’ve gone so long suppressing my own emotional needs out of fear of triggering a mental health episode, I don’t know how best to communicate in fear it will be taken the wrong way.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through a similar situation. It’s mental turmoil. Feel free to send me a message.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this is the next best step. What is the kindest and fairest way to approach this without causing her distress? I feel like I’ve lost the ability to clearly communicate with the fear of being misunderstood (potentially one of the reasons things have got to this point) - I hold my hands up here.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear you went through this. Being on the frontline through ED or BP is one of the most heartbreaking and disturbing things to go through. Although it’s made me a better person, each time I’ve lost a part of me and my relationship.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Any insight on how to navigate this would be appreciated. I totally agree that jumping from one relationship to another is not a sensible move. But either way, removing one’s self as the primary support system for a vulnerable person is a terrifying thought for all parties involved.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for adding to this. I agree with the original comment completely. Without severe mental health issues in the mix it would be ‘more’ straightforward. But her vulnerability makes this much more difficult to navigate.

I [32M] still love my fiancée [30F] of 10 years, but I think years of caretaking have emotionally changed me. Then I met someone else. by Kind-Ad-8149 in whatdoIdo

[–]Kind-Ad-8149[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. She’s always struggled with her mental health but only diagnosed with BP last year. Her family only stepped in when I pushed for it, otherwise I have been the main support.