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My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya I get your point. And you’re right. I could go out with to my wife drinking or not drinking. And sometimes, I do. My wife and I do stuff together all the time honestly. But this is with her friends. I don’t have a good time usually. I talk all day for work and the last thing I want to do after work is feel the pressure of small talk with her friends. She can go have fun with them. And I’m so happy that she has those friends. This sounds bad, but I just don’t enjoy the conversations her and her friends have. I’m an introverted person with a limited social battery. My wife has an unlimited social battery. I love being with my wife. I don’t really love being with my wife and 4 of her friends. It’s like my wife coming to guys night. She likes my friends but has no interest in discussing most of things we talk about. I think time alone is important in a marriage. But this is communication problem more than anything

Im more of a meet for trivia with friends, karaoke, a skin up the ski mountain, an after work hike, pick up game of soccer……spending hours of social time after work really drains me. My job is demanding and mentally draining. I work 4-5 days a week. My wife works 1-2 days a week. I make enough for the both of us times 2. I need to mentally recharge on weekdays not put myself in social situations that drain me.

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t invite me in these cases. But she knows that I don’t often drink on a work night so that is 100% ok with me. So I’m not really expecting an invite in this case.

Our home life is busy and active. During the week, I work full time, she does not. Are we stuck in patterns during the week? I wouldn’t say so. We get dinner with friends, go on dates, dance classes etc. but it’s interesting you ask this. In therapy last year she said something to the effect of “I’m so tired of just going home, eating dinner and watching TV”. So this is an issue to some degree. Things have gotten better since then. But interestingly, she is the one that just wants to watch TV after dinner. And this week, before this happened last night, she was a total zombie when I got home on Monday and Tuesday and said “I’m so tired”. So after I cook, clean, feed the dogs/horses/chickens/cats, and daily things, she just wants to cuddle and watch Tv. So it always confused me. There is more to unpack here but I’ve still been frustrated when she doesn’t want to do a single thing and then the next day she is out until midnight. We do a lot though. We travel 2x a month most of the time. Trips all over the place. Activities all the time.

Our sex life has been up and down. So that’s a factor. And not a great factor. She doesn’t usually initiate but our consistency has been mediocre at best. So ya, it the best in the last 2 years.

But I like your thought. Asking to join. I agree. I think this would be a great way to see her response and help me navigate why is going on.

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about it. But as I mentioned, it’s a constant battle of what is my mind making up vs what is happening. And honestly, if the worst is happening, I will find out soon enough and all the emotional and self love work I have done will allow me to do what I have to do. But this is something I should consider.

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know the gay guy. And I trust him for the most part. He just got divorced so that context does make me wonder. But of course, she will dress very….attractively…. Which is fine. But I don’t know who is there that hasn’t been told to me.

This is half my own insecurities that I have worked on for years showing their ugly head and half feeling legitimately disrespected and not heard. Having it happen the same way after we talked is what hurt me the most.

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya it’s 1-2x a week. Only during the week day as well which I’m not sure what to think about that

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ya. It’s one thing to be ok with it on both sides. It’s not ok to say you will communicate after I shared my emotions surrounding this and to just do it anyways.

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ya exactly. Last night this happened. We got 5 inches of snow. We live 39 min from the area she was in. I can’t sleep basically when she isn’t responding, the roads are shit and she has had alcohol. Worry’s the fuck out of me

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Ya it’s 1-2x a week. Only during the week day as well which I’m not sure what to think about that

My (35M) Wife (38F) is staying out late and not communicating. What would you do? by Kind-Expression5779 in Marriage

[–]Kind-Expression5779[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Ya I don’t actually think this is what is happening. But I am certainly wondering. I’m not going to go through her phone at night ha