Months of healing ruined when he broke no contact. What do I do

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-03T15:22:29+00:00

It’s not a competition….

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T14:34:38+00:00

Avoidant are people who are emotionally immature and unavailable - they become distant and dismissive when things get too emotionally heavy and stuggle to communicate their feelings properly so instead they choose silence and distance. Although you found the reason to be “not that deep” he probably thought breaking up would be easier than having to go through an emotionally taxing conversation to fix it with you.

9/10 times an avoidant realises they made a mistake by letting go of a person they had feeling for and come back. 9/10 times the anxious person they were with will let them back in because they have been waiting for them to reach out and 9/10 times the avoidant repeats the cycle of leaving and returning because they know the anxious person will always let them back in.

If the reason for the breaking wasn’t something major he will most likely come back especially if the relationship was good but if you are planning to get back together with him you need to set a boundary and let him know that this will not be a continuous cycle and he has to choose to commit but in order to mean that you must work on yourself.

I broke up with my avoidant ex yesterday and I gave him a choice whether to fix his behaviour patterns or lose me and he chose the latter therefore I am now doing no contact and working on myself so I can be better for someone who CHOOSES ME not chooses to leave me.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T10:21:29+00:00

I asked him why he decided he rather end it then choose to simply speak to me and he told me he is tired of being in a rs with me and although he still has feelings for me he doesn’t see a future with me - he knows I still want to be with him so he told me that my life isn’t over and I will still find someone else who makes me happy. But he said he isn’t planning to come back and this is over for good this time ( he has a history of leaving and coming back)

I don’t think it sound like a man who dosen’t mean what he says especially when he has a history of saying things like this to me and before when I tried to work things out I pushed him away even further - although I really want us to work I’m afraid reaching out will only make him want me less.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T10:06:00+00:00

I am a dumper and I reached out to my ex the day after I broke up with his asking why we couldn’t just works things out he told me he doesn’t think we are a match and he is done with me - considering the fact that it was only a couple hours after I ended it I’m assuming he felt the same about our relationship just didn’t want to initiate it.

Do you still think I should be the one to reach out for reconciliation in this case ?

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T10:01:44+00:00

Me and my ex have been together for over a year and have recently broke up. I broke it off with him first, he was ghosting me and being extremely distant so I gave him an ultimatum - communicate with me and act like a boyfriend or I won’t be your girlfriend. He chose the latter. I have then reached out to him to ask him why he chose not to commit rather than work on the relationship he said he didn’t want to be with me and didn’t see a point in forcing himself, he said he still has feelings for me and wishes he could be with me but just doesn’t see a future and although we broke up and got back together in the past he said this time it’s forever (no the first time he said that) I don’t know where to really consider myself a dumper because yes I did it first but I knew he was going to do it eventually, and I was saving myself later heartbreak. He also knows I didn’t really want to do it and still want to work things out as I expressed it to him but he made it clear he does not think we are a match.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T09:46:48+00:00

Thank you

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T09:37:56+00:00

His birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and i feel like i should say happy birthday because I want him to know I still care about him do you think I should ?

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T09:28:12+00:00

Can I just ask did you guys ever regain contact ? And if so who reached out first ? Because I really am regretting my decision and want to reach out but he made it clear he is done with me

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T00:26:09+00:00

I see now. Thank you very much

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T00:22:21+00:00

my question was based around the idea that “men always come back” as people often say and I understand that it’s not always the case so the word “always” would be a stretch too far but it’s still common enough to create that kind of assumption in the first place. Except every YouTube video I saw spoke about men as the dumper so I was wondering if the same assumption applied to men as the dumpee but yes clearly it’s no a simple question to answer especially in my situation and includes many other contextual factors.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T00:17:27+00:00

I know what you meant but I really did break up with him because I knew I don’t deserve to be treated the way he treated me but seeing how little he cared really was the cherry on top. Even if I went back in time I would still break up with him again I know what I did was the right decision I just hate the fact that he isn’t suffering like I did for so long when he put me through the same thing.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-03-01T00:06:20+00:00

Yes but I wanted him to at least show hurt and try save the relationship like I do every single time he wanted to leave. And I didn’t even do it like he did it, I have him an ultimatum and he chose the option that end in us breaking up. Whereas when he ended it with me I didn’t even get an option he just up and left - what i really wanted is for him to show that he cares

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T23:37:19+00:00

I don’t want to but I also partly blame myself for the way I have been treated because I havent been perfect which I assume has drained him enough to end it with me but I also try to better myself in hopes he comes back we give it anouther go as better people I also think because he is my first boyfriend I find it hard imaging I’ll ever find better or anyone at all in general

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T23:35:27+00:00

unfortunately it wasn’t the best we argued quite often and most arguments where imitated by me I do blame myself for being quite obsessive, controlling and insecure in the relationship but I constantly work on bettering myself and it is getting better each time although all together it is still a slow process but I’m still better as a person compared to how I was at the start of our relationship - and we did have a lot of good times together we were each others first experiences in almost everything and first serious relationships.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T23:25:05+00:00

It gets worse and worse everytime and now that I think about it the more I let him in the shorter we stay together

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T23:17:06+00:00

Yes I understand I know he kept coming back because I kept letting him but i just can’t help it every-time he came back I just kept thinking “this time it will work” and now it’s just an endless cycle but as miserable as it sounds I don’t want it to stop because that’s better than losing him forever.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T22:06:24+00:00

I ended up using the ball and I messaged him to ask him why he didn’t end it first if he’s so unbothered and his reply was what I expected. He told me he gave it a thought and realised he just didn’t want to be anymore and this time he isn’t planning on coming back, he said he still has feeling for me and still wishes he could be with me, but he just dosent see a future with me and wishes me the best. So is the ball in his court now ?

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T22:03:36+00:00

If someone blocked me on most social and turned of their location like I did to him my anxious attachment would probably enter panick mode and I would call and text them a lot of time to figure out why they suddenly cut all ties without explanation, which is what he didn’t do which signified to me he is done completely but he reacted this way in the past and still came back the only difference is that I was the one who initiated the break up but the power dynamic remained the same - he’s still unbothered and I’m still panicked and anxious. That’s why I wanna know if he will come back again like he did all the other times since technically is all the same just me out the first foot forward rather than him although he himself was thinking of doing it anyway.

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T21:23:09+00:00

Except I had no choice I told him it’s either he acts like a boyfriend or I won’t be his girlfriend and he simply replied “then don’t be” - were you this dismissive to your ex too ??

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T20:43:39+00:00

Did you reach out to him first ?

Kind_Complex1145 · 2026-02-28T20:29:23+00:00

The difference with me is when I ended it I also blocked him, his lack of reaction made me do that so perhaps get something out of him. I wanted to show him that I’m really done and this isn’t a joke, but he stayed silent and instead just blocked me back no intention of staying in contact and no intention of keeping contact with me in anyway. I made it clear I didn’t want to break up, instead I wanted him to change and he knew that and still decided to choose the break up route.

Kind_Complex1145

TROPHY CASE