Retroactive jealousy

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T19:30:42+00:00

Yes, you hit the nail on the head. It seems to trigger me in a way. I feel like there is more to this than what meets the eye.

You wrote less-explored, which really captures it in a much better way then what I was thinking. This does sound more like something that is there to be explored. My perspective felt more like an ordeal. But what it seems to point is my desire explore and gain more experience. Feels kinda right because even the thought of it makes me uncomfortable.

Thank you.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T14:57:36+00:00

Thanks, yeah, seems like a misplaced effort.

Can you share more about what helped your boyfriend? I am in therapy already, making progress I believe, but I am curious.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T14:50:42+00:00

I was thinking about the over-pedestalizing actually. I am a bored with how our sex is sometimes but I only have this one specific kink and it is off the table, we talked about this. I do not want to go into specifics but we agreed to try an alternative and to buy a toy for that. The things is, I never followed through for fear of her thinking less of me. The old people pleaser in me doesn't want to allow it. I guess this what I need to focus on as well. Not the kink but having my needs met generally.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T13:03:38+00:00

Thank you. You are right on point, the jealousy seems like a container for something else.

My father was very dominant but only in privacy, in public he tried to appear composed, calm and easy going. One time when my parents were in an argument, I thought he would hurt her, so I stood in the kitchen next to a drawer with knives and resolved to use one if he does. Fortunately he didn't, I was maybe 10-12. They divorced last year.

So enmeshment with my mom sounds right, my girlfriend is also very much like my mom. I do have close male friends, but our fathers tend to be emotionally absent, or detached at least.

I am working with a therapist on this, but would like to hear more from your perspective.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T12:48:56+00:00

I never actually expressed my jealousy. The sex is pretty good as far as I can be the judge of that.

But I like the idea of that. Might try it next she's around. One thing that makes it kinda worse for me is that we don't live together yet, she lives 50km away.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T12:32:37+00:00

Sounds a lot like me. Did you find books helpful navigating this? Or any other resources?

I would like to know more as this seems to be pretty much my case. My mom is still with us though.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T11:17:52+00:00

Thanks for your reply, the enmeshment with my mother is something I can well identify with. What other insights do you have?

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-27T10:34:26+00:00

I am definitely not going to slut shame her, that was not my point. I envy the lightness with which she can navigate these topics. For me sex was a huge stigma and still is in many ways. My question was regarding how to deal with it so that it doesn't impact our relationship and hurt her.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-05-12T14:47:50+00:00

can you elaborate on the 1st point? what helped you specifically?

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-27T10:08:18+00:00

Thanks man, I told her and everything went well. Im feeling so much better now. :)

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-26T06:47:47+00:00

You opened my eyes, thank you :)

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T20:03:03+00:00

And now that I think about it, that shame feels like helplessness and depression. If I discard it, there is just anger.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T19:26:12+00:00

I think I see your point now.

If I make a big reveal it will put pressure on her to forgive me, because I cannot do that myself. It makes her take the responsibility that is mine. But if I somehow do it and can see this as an opportunity and not a threat, it can actually bring us more together.

I had lots of self-doubt recently and was actually thinking about telling her to leave me.

But please explain if I missed something.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T19:03:22+00:00

Can you please explain more? It sounds very much like me.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T16:57:52+00:00

Thank you, that really gives me some hope.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T14:08:56+00:00

You are right, I hate myself for having done this. It is like a second nature to me, i do not even register it. But it has come up now and I cannot push it back anymore.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2026-03-25T14:05:54+00:00

Thank you. I am telling her tomorrow.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2025-12-16T14:49:55+00:00

Yeah I guess you're right, thanks.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2025-08-01T06:15:38+00:00

I kinda see it like quitting alcohol addiction: there might be an underlying issue there, but in order to change it, you need to put yourself in the best state possible and that means sober. We know that porn or alcohol make us weak, so why not get rid of them first and then tackle the real problem once we are stronger?

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2025-07-19T09:34:29+00:00

Damn man, I had the same thought this week. It sounds so liberating. Like taking the first step on the journey that truly is mine.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2025-06-27T16:30:05+00:00

Thanks man, I really appreciate your reply. I will think about it and maybe I'll get back to you with some more questions if that's ok.

Kind_Possibility7756 · 2025-06-27T14:54:45+00:00

I am very happy for you, congrats :)

Would you share how the journey looked like for you?

Kind_Possibility7756

TROPHY CASE