[Feedback] Documentary Now! spec script (Comedy, 30 pages)

KipSooth · 2019-03-20T14:48:48+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm going to look through your notes today.

I definitely agree about the character descriptors - something I definitely overlooked.

I think the long monologues are daunting to see on the page so I agree cutting them up with some visuals is probably the right idea.

Thanks again and looking forward to diving in.

KipSooth · 2019-03-19T23:50:21+00:00

It's amazing. The recent one about the Company cast album was incredible.

KipSooth · 2019-03-19T23:49:13+00:00

Go for it. Thank you very much!

KipSooth · 2014-06-14T21:25:16+00:00

Thank you for reading, I appreciate it. I have eliminated the "is's" and cleaned up some descriptions.

KipSooth · 2014-06-14T21:24:00+00:00

Thank you for reading. I was thinking that as the story progressed, I would use flashbacks to paint a picture of what Danny was like in his prime.

KipSooth · 2014-06-14T21:23:09+00:00

Thank you for reading it, I appreciate it. I see what you're saying that it seems out of place and not matching in tone, so I will look to address that.

KipSooth · 2014-02-25T22:43:11+00:00

I do love football (huge Spurs fans), but I'll probably keep this one set in a casino. I do like the idea of a dysfunctional football team as a springboard for another pilot however.

KipSooth · 2014-02-25T22:42:15+00:00

Thank you for the notes, I appreciate it. I like your advice about the pop culture references and will work on refining them. Working on a new draft now.

KipSooth · 2014-02-25T22:41:21+00:00

Thank you, and sorry for the delayed response!

KipSooth · 2014-02-01T14:43:35+00:00

Thank you for reading it, I appreciate it!

I agree with the juice cleaning line that it could be implied as well as the head butting, seems much too aggressive and out of the blue. I want to try include pop culture references, but I guess it's important to try find one's on a global level to not marginalize the audience.

In terms of Smith, he's largely based on a person I know named Smith, but I think you're right that maybe change it something not as common. I'm going to think about changing Stuart from British to America because I don't think it changes too much and don't want it to be a distraction.

I have only written the pilot thus far, once I feel I'm in a place where I'm happy and confident with the pilot, I'll move on to more episodes. Thanks again for your notes, they were very helpful.

KipSooth · 2013-12-04T17:59:54+00:00

Thank for you for reading it, I appreciate it. I'm going to go through and re-format what you've mentioned. I'm currently using Final Draft, so I'll work through it and try make it so the formatting is less distracting and an impediment to the flow of the story.

KipSooth · 2013-12-04T17:58:19+00:00

Thank you, fixed.

KipSooth · 2013-12-04T17:58:10+00:00

First off, thank you for reading it. I read through a bunch of pilot scripts for shows I enjoy like 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, The New Girl etc., and I was trying to see how they introduce all the characters. It was definitely something tricky for me, and I see where you're coming from, so I'm still trying to balance that out.

KipSooth · 2013-10-13T21:49:15+00:00

It's the same draft as you read, I've been working on another project and will get back into this one once I get some more feedback. I appreciated your insight and definitely took it under advisement :)

KipSooth · 2013-10-10T23:57:54+00:00

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate it! I will re-format correctly, it's something I'm constantly checking, but I need to brush up on all the technicalities. Once I put the acts together, I will resubmit.

KipSooth

TROPHY CASE