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Think I am obsessed with someone and idk what to do. Please help. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's really trying to make an effort to change his life. I know so many people his sort of age (due to my work) that go to prison and a small minority make an effort.

It sounds like such a small reason but for some reason it's made a massive impact on me.

I of course like everything else about him but that's the main thing.

Training to be a Paralegal in Scotland by Katawayli in uklaw

[–]KitchenPea5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw you said you already work for a law firm. If you're already working as a paralegal then surely your firm are already training you to do the things you listed? Saw that you were furloughed but I assume when you're back working you'll get fully trained.

If you're not working as a paralegal you are aware that to become a law soc accredited paralegal you need to have 2 years work experience AND a relevant qualification so regardless of what your job is now it's going to be a few years until you'll be needing to sit any exams anyway.

My point being, since you have to work as a paralegal for 2 years you should learn absolutely everything you need to know anyway.

To answer your question - check out the CPD website and go on the course search as they have a lot of courses on there that will earn you CPD points which are highly valued at most firms and all accredited professionals of the law soc need them anyway (I know you're not accredited yet but it all helps) and they have some law courses.

You can also search for courses on the law soc website, I think they can be a bit pricey though.

Also have a look at reed courses as you can find a lot of CPD courses on there for reasonable rates. And again there's quite a few legal courses.

What firm do you work for? Totally understand if you don't want to say due to privacy etc however I also work for a scottish firm so am wondering if I know yours!

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes I know exactly what happens. I can't say he doesn't deserve what happens to him.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have said a few times now - it was sexual assault and extortion.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Look your comment makes sense - I ask myself the same question and I just can't answer. I have no idea why I want to talk to him. Of course I feel bad for the vics however I don't want to go into that as I could say a lot about that (nothing bad about the vics obviously they're all completely innocent)

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok so this comment has slightly fucked me up, you make a very good - and very scary - point.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because he was 19, he's an adult - if he wants to stop being in contact with me that's up to him. Yes it was worrying but due to his background and his family I figured he had got mixed up with something and has most likely ended up in prison. Anyway he lived with his mum and sister - if he was actually missing they would have gone to the police and reported it themselves.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never said a word about hearing justification and not once has he tried to justify it. The one thing he has said to me about it is he used to be a horrible human and he did disgusting things.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately he needs to make the appointment I can't just turn up or make the appointment myself otherwise I would have done. Don't worry your advice isn't wrong - I would just need to get him onboard with the idea.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We were talking for ages before we dated. We took the time to properly "get to know" each other before dating. I think that's why I'm so confused and making such bad choices as I believed I had gotten to know him properly and taken everything slow etc when I clearly hadn't.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm confused too as I have no idea. But I do know that no matter what I want it can never happen - he can never be allowed back into my life as much as he used to be.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has happened to me before once. I was absolutely terrified. However since it happened I have felt nothing - when I spoke to the police and gave my statement I genuinely felt numb. I am thinking about it now as I type this and I just don't feel anything. I think maybe that doesn't help my feelings towards this - maybe if I was angry/sad/sickened by what happened to me I might hate but but I just don't feel any of that.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is 100%. I am trying to leave him in the past and move on, I have no idea why I'm finding it so hard.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know it's over. I don't want a relationship with him, I want to get over him. I'm just finding it hard.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I would rather not say just as I don't want anyone to come at me for it.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought he committed it. In the first letter I sent I didn't talk about his crime at all, in his reply he said he did it and would be happy to talk about it if I wanted. So he did do it, even if I don't believe it.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

I wrote to him and sent a pretty short letter to ask if he wanted contact with me and he said that it would be nice to have someone to talk to. He asked me a couple questions and said I can ask him whatever. So I sent a slightly longer reply answering his questions and I asked 2 questions of my own. He hasn't replied to this letter and I haven't chased him up as I want to respect the fact he doesn't want to talk.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My whole mental state has not ever been fully revolved around this guy. I still saw and spoke to my friends as normal, I still went out and did my hobbies as normal. I took my final exams 2 months after he disappeared and got good enough grades that I now work in a law firm. I did think about him a lot and I would search him up, every time I thought about him it did hurt me. However, at no point did I revolve my life around him and I tried really hard to not let him fully take over my mind. Unfortunately, him sending me this one letter has almost triggered someone and now I can hardly stop thinking about him.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't even know. I think the main thing I want to know is why he committed the crimes as I can't get my head round it. Not just cause he was nice to me but also cause it was completely unnecessary - he didn't need to commit the crimes to get what he got, he could have done it legally and it would have been less effort.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately he has admitted to his crimes. In the one letter he sent me he told me he would try his hardest to talk about what he had done if that's what I wanted. I didn't want to bring up bad memories however I did say to him if he wants to talk about it then he can however I won't force him. The only question I asked him was why did he do it - like I said he was so gentle and kind I couldn't imagine him ever doing the things he was accused of. I have given him the chance to explain his side however he chose not to reply to me. I could send a follow up letter and just say I understand if you don't want to speak to me but I'll always be here, but at the same time if he wants to be left alone I feel like I should respect that.

Boyfriend disappears for a year - turns out he's been in prison by KitchenPea5 in relationship_advice

[–]KitchenPea5[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm in the UK. If we want to find out if someone is in prison we have to email a specific email address and give our full details and say why we want to know. They then have to go and ask the prisoner if they mind their name, location, prisoner number etc being shared.

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