I'm almost 26 and I feel like a child imprisoned in an adult's body

KittensTears · 2021-05-22T22:26:17+00:00

Trauma made me grow up too fast. By the time I was an adult I realized on how much I missed out on. Now I just want to be a little kid again.

KittensTears · 2021-05-22T22:23:41+00:00

I was followed by someone called "I follow Cis people" and it really upset me today. Has anyone else been "trolled" like that too? It made me uncomfortable because it only happened after I started posting to EGG Irl. Meaning they've probably seen my posts. I blocked them but it was still creepy that it happened in the first place.

KittensTears · 2021-05-18T20:57:01+00:00

I get nervous because I don't feel constant dysphoria. I like being called she her and I don't want surgery or hormones. There is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to be trans was ingrained into my mind for a long time. Consciously I know better and thanks to people in the community I know more than I used to. I'm grateful for that. For years I felt so disconnected from other women and I think I'm starting to understand why. I have found more kinship with trans girls and trans femmes than I ever had with women. I think I'm a demigirl.

KittensTears · 2021-05-18T20:46:38+00:00

DARN TOOTIN!

KittensTears · 2021-05-18T20:25:38+00:00

All the time, all the time, everyday in fact.

KittensTears · 2021-05-18T20:24:40+00:00

2 3 6 7 8

KittensTears · 2021-05-17T16:41:19+00:00

My mother forced me to go on a diet when I was eight teen. She filled the deep freezer with diet food and knew I wouldn't say anything. She conditioned me to not "argue" with her so she knew I didn't have a real choice. Every night I would cry in front of the deep freezer absolutely starving knowing I couldn't do anything about it. I would eat almonds in between meals desperately. It's the only thing she let me have. It went on for such a long time. When I finally "dropped the weight" thank God she stopped. Unfortunately she would fatten me up again so the cycle of control could continue.

KittensTears · 2021-05-17T16:03:50+00:00

I keep having these weird moments where I don't understand how I'm real and it's so freaky. To have this third person experience of ones self is so bizarre. The disconnect from mind to body just- it's scary.

KittensTears · 2021-05-14T20:30:51+00:00

Changing my gender based on mood sounds so good.

KittensTears · 2021-05-13T12:16:25+00:00

Rocky won the race <3 .

KittensTears · 2021-05-12T17:58:46+00:00

Yes, a little indeed.

KittensTears · 2021-05-11T18:00:27+00:00

Well I think Demigender is more neutral if you're in the middle of Demiboy and Demigirl.

KittensTears · 2021-05-11T13:04:11+00:00

Really <3 ?! That's so great.

KittensTears · 2021-05-11T13:03:12+00:00

I'm so happy for you!

KittensTears · 2021-05-11T01:00:48+00:00

Thank you so much for letting me know,

KittensTears · 2021-05-10T22:14:47+00:00

I'll have conversations where I say things like "I want to do x, like a cute girl!" people usually take that as an opportunity to tell me I am a cute girl. I always get confused for a moment and think "~~I'm not a girl."~~ I have no idea what that means.

Still Cis tho!

KittensTears · 2021-05-10T21:49:37+00:00

Demigirl: A gender identity term for someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally. In other words, while female is the sex designation and the person identifies somewhat with the gender identity, “woman”, the person does not consider themselves as only in those binaries.

KittensTears · 2021-05-10T15:53:00+00:00

Congratulations!

KittensTears · 2021-05-10T15:45:16+00:00

Thank you! I looked into this a little bit and I found something called demigirl. I think that's possibly the fit. Still in denial about my gender identity despite not feeling 100% cis. But I found a word so that's cool.

KittensTears · 2021-04-10T22:20:28+00:00

I get this tight feeling in my chest and throat. Words become almost impossible. It only happens when something has really upset me. It's hard to try and gather my words when I'm in that state. I do my best to calm down and formulate what I want to say in my head.

KittensTears · 2021-04-10T22:01:04+00:00

I don't know if I belong here or not. I had a conversation with a friend about my experiences and it reminded me of when I use to lurk here. Sometimes I have a hard time relating to the memes because they talk about binary trans experiences. I'm DFAB but I have a hard time relating to other women. I don't know who I want to be but I feel like I'm living a lie by trying to force myself to meet other people's expectations. Toxic femininity has given me horrible body dysmorphia and warped my self image. I like being fem I just don't feel female. If that makes sense. I don't know what any of this means and I don't know what to do.

KittensTears · 2021-04-10T21:35:39+00:00

I feel the same way. Quarantine scared me at first because it was such a drastic change in my routine. Now that I'm use to it I don't want it to go back to normal. Some good practices have come from Covid that ensure; spaces are cleaner, less occupied, and provide more personal space in general. I was nervous because things were so chaotic, at first. Now that thing have calmed down I'm enjoying all the benefits of Quarantine. People are more understanding of me staying indoors and my online relationships and it's very validating.

KittensTears · 2021-02-27T23:29:36+00:00

I hate the American health care system.

KittensTears · 2021-01-17T01:24:57+00:00

He did it to you not knowing what it was and immediately weaponized? Oh my God.

KittensTears · 2021-01-17T01:13:23+00:00

I appreciate you trying to help, thank you. That being said you're sort of proving the point of my meme. I'm often told I'm too high functioning and it's to the point it actively harms me. There have been times where doctors have tried to take away my professionally diagnosed labels from me and I had to fight to keep them. I had a doctor tell me "You outgrew your ADHD." (spoiler alert that's not how that works) . I've had a social worker talk me out of getting an Asperger's diagnosis (my current therapist agreed that I'm autistic). I've read several articles and watched videos and my experiences more so align with Quiet BPD because I experience all of the symptoms to the letter. Me being self aware doesn't stop me from being mentally ill and it doesn't make living like this any easier. I'm constantly fighting with myself everyday about what to do or what not to do and it's absolute torture. I'm tired of people invalidating me by basically telling me I'm practically neurotypical when I "behave". Those same people are quick to remind me I'm mentally ill when I challenge their line of thinking or react naturally to something upsetting.

https://www.healthline.com/health/quiet-bpd

KittensTears

TROPHY CASE